Smartballs teneo provided for review by Good Vibrations

Joseph

Smartballs teneo are elastomed balls with a silicone coating that are designed to strengthen women’s pelvic muscles. The box claims that they do this because of a smaller weighted ball inside the outer shell of the Smartballs. Supposedly this weight will shift as the woman moves and this shift will tell her pelvic muscles that something needs to be held onto. The pelvic muscles will flex, thereby strengthening them.

They are available in doubles or singles, each ball is 1 ¾” long and 1 ½” in diameter. As stated above, the balls themselves are elastomed and are coated with silicone which is nice because both of those materials are hypoallergenic and can be disinfected. To clean them, simply wash with warm water and mild soap. To disinfect, boil them for about 10 minutes.

The teneo line of Smartballs sets itself apart from the original by having an indentation at the base of the ball that makes it easier to insert and by having a raised swirl design for “improved sensitivity.”

So, let me get this right, you stick these in and forget about them. Go about your daily routine and these balls will be strengthening your PC muscles all day with little to no effort on your part. Strong PC muscles mean better sex. So…stronger muscles and better sex just like that. Magic, right?

Mimi

Joseph covered the Smartballs teneo in terms of their material, design, and purpose quite well, so I’m going to skip ahead to my experience with the teneo.

Inserting them is uncomfortable because of their wide, blunt shape. Imagine a big circle going into a smaller circle. There you go.

As to whether or not they work, I am uncertain. It really just felt like I was wearing a tampon. There really didn’t feel like any weight was added and I forgot about them most of the time. If I am understanding kegel balls correctly – and please correct me if I am wrong – then this is a negative quality of the teneo Smartballs. If there’s not enough added weight, how can it really work your muscles? And if I need to consciously work those muscles every so often throughout the day in order for the teneo Smartballs to be effective, then why buy the balls at all? Why not just do that on my own?

They are designed really well and I think it’s great they can be disinfected, as Joseph said, but I can’t help feeling it’s not serving its purpose as well as it could. Or should.

My vote? No thanks, feeling the sensation of wearing a tampon is enough one week a month. I don’t need any added days.

The Naked Truth

Entertainment Value: N/A

Aesthetics:

Functionality:

Ease of Cleaning:

Overall:

Strongest tree branches EVAR!

Divine Vibrator provided by Babeland

Joseph

The Divine Vibe by Doc. Johnson is somewhat less than divine. Or at least, that what it seems like from my perspective.

That’s the thing, my perspective, as one without a vagina is somewhat limited about things like g-spot stimulators and vibrators meant to be inserted into said non-existent vagina. Therefore, I’ll just break down the dimensions and logistics of this bad mama jama.

The Divine Vibe is an 8” x 1 ¾” variable speed vibrator that has a curvature intended to stimulate the G-spot internally. It is made of ABS (the same stuff as Lego blocks) plastic which is a durable and recyclable plastic made comprised of a mix of elastomer, rubber, and hard plastic. ABS will dissolve when exposed to acetone, so no harsh cleaners.

The vibe comes in two colors, “Yin and Yang” (read: Black and White to the non-marketing goon) and is packaged in a mostly clear plastic container that says “Harmony” for reasons we cannot discern.  It takes two AAA batteries which are not included and has a single button to control the speeds (low, medium, high). I feel kind of silly because it seems like I should be able to figure this out, but there is a symbol on the box and the bottom to the vibe that confuses me. It is a trashcan with a big X over it. I guess this means that this toy must not be thrown away…so….what should you do with it when you are finished getting in sync with your inner core? This? Really, click on that link. It is worth it.

As far as using it on someone, it is pretty easy on the hand. The big, bulbous base makes it very easy to grip and maneuver and the ABS keeps the temp nice and slightly cool.

Because if you don’t “close cap tightly” bad things could happen.

Mimi

Let me just start by saying that I have an odd relationship with g-spot vibrating toys. I tend to dislike them. (I’ll write more about this for our upcoming Lelo Gigi review.) Still, I am open to experimentation and Doc. Johnson’s Divine Vibe could be used in various other ways, so I decided to give it a try.

I received the Yin (black) Doc. Johnson’s Divine Vibe and after pressing the button down toward the battery compartment three times to feel the three different settings, I was pretty convinced that I might actually have a clitoral orgasm with this toy. The low and middle setting are worthy yet the highest setting is the one I used the most.

It didn’t happen. I tried on several occasions, and although it felt good, it didn’t feel close to good enough. I ended up pulling out my Hitachi every time.

We decided that Joseph should use it on me while I use the Hitachi to see how it feels inside me as well as handled by another person.

That was a whole lot of vibrating.

Due to the width and shape of the Divine Vibe, I felt rather “full” while it was inside me. Eventually I had a clitoral orgasm, which felt good. It was a slow burn.

Then I went to wash the Divine Vibe and realized there is a tiny crevice between the “head” of the vibrator and those three ridges in the center. This tiny crevice is a collector, and it is hard to clean. At least it’s waterproof and you can submerge and scrub to your heart’s content. Maybe you don’t care about something as tiny as that crevice.

Maybe you should go masturbate with some Legos then. At least you could build cool shit afterwards.

As I mentioned, it is waterproof and it functions really well as a vibrator that lives in the bathroom and is used on my clit occasionally in the shower as a warm-up. And it does feel great in that capacity. It teases while stimulating because you need more, and that’s where other toys or partners come in. Hopefully.

Divine? More like Pretty Good to Have Around.

The Naked Truth:

Intensity:

Volume:

Aesthetic design:

Versatility:

Ease of cleaning:

Overall:

Jesus: Yo, B! Who the hell is this lumpy fool?

Buddha: I dunno, but he a jive-ass sucka!

*Update* This product seems to no longer exist at Babeland.

Today we are reviewing the Showerbabe which is available exclusively at Babeland

Joseph

I was pretty excited about this product because due to height difference and a small shower, we can’t have intercourse in the shower without the inclusion of a stool (which is awkward) so this product meant new ways to play in the shower.

Overall I am very pleased with the Showerbabe. It has two intensity settings which have not been enough to get her off by itself, but have been a great companion to my fingers or tounge. The settings are activated by a button on the bottom of the handle which can be somewhat awkward to use while the Showerbabe is inside of her. However, the handle itself is great because things do tend to get slippery in the shower.

(more…)