Doc Johnson’s My BFF provided for review by funlove

Joseph

This vibrator reminds me of a tentacle. An overweight one. Like maybe an octopus with low self esteem that compulsively overeats.

It is six inches long and knobby. It has a twist dial at the base that controls the strength of the vibration. Oh, and it is pink. Very pink.

Mimi

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Sex Sheet provided by Aruzzo

Okay, okay. I guess there’s other things you should know. It’s vinyl and it’s “king size”.

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Sex in the Shower Suction Hand Cuffs provided by Vibrator.com

Joseph

The hand cuffs are one of the more simply designed products that we’ve reviewed. But that doesn’t keep them from being great!

Essentially they are soft Velcro cuffs attached to heavy duty suction cups. Sex in the Shower is a division of Sportsheets so for anyone that has tried the Under the Bed Restraint System, these cuffs will feel very familiar. Soft but not padded and firm but not uncomfortable, the cuffs are just right for feeling confined without getting hurt. Depending on how you feel about power play, that can be good or bad.

The suction cups are extremely powerful and will stay on the wall through the roughest of play. They do, however slide around a little bit. Not enough that it was a problem for us, but if one of your vibrators makes you squirm, you may find it annoying.

The beautiful thing about a product like this is that the possible uses for it are nearly limitless. The cuffs are independent of one another and will stick to almost any flat surface. For the bath of course, but also car windows, desktops, mirrors, etc…

Don’t worry, her head is above water. At this moment…

Mimi

Handcuffs!

I had mixed feelings about this product. Sure, I love my Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System, but I’m skeptical of suction cups being able to handle rough, raucous, raunchy sex. Maybe it’s because the suction cup (not) holding my razor in place is a piece of shit that falls off the wall all the time.

Not the case here! We really tugged hard on them and they stayed stuck to the wall. Standing or bathing, they are quite useful for some bondage play. And the bound individual/slave/submissive/etc. can fairly easily let his or herself out, so there’s not really any risk of drowning. (Heh. For some of you, that might be a turn-off.)

There isn’t really much more to say. Like the Under the Bed Restraint System, it’s a very simple product that performs exactly the way it’s meant to perform. Hurray for effective design!

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics: 4 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 5 out of 5 stars

Craftsmanship: 5 out of 5 stars

Ease of Installation: 5 out of 5 stars

Discretion: 5 out of 5 stars

Safety 5 out of 5 stars

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Mimi

There are two things I think I should mention right away –

1. I’m not really into animal shaped, cutesy toys.

2. It takes a lot to please my clit, especially with the medication I’ve been taking recently.

This is the perspective that I am coming from, yet I still wanted an I Rub My Duckie of my own. Of course, we needed the Bondage version, the second release of the Collector’s Series. With its lace up “leather” corset , red ball gag, tattoo, and miniature handcuffs, it’s really cute and fun. If someone were to see it through the clear shower doors, they probably would just assume that it’s another silly thing in our apartment full of many silly things.

The Bondage Duckie is easy to hold, even while wet, and most of its use, for me, has occurred as a warm up in the shower. There is only one level of vibration and it is centered mostly in the duck body, felt the strongest through the tail end. The vibration feels very good and can cover a broad area, but I have not been able to have an orgasm. Like I said, it serves as a good warm up toy that I can leave in the shower and smirk at from time to time.

The only outright annoyances come from the battery compartment and the method by which you can turn the vibration on or off. I didn’t mind the battery compartment requiring the use of a screwdriver because, honestly, if they die on me I’ll switch to my hand or get out of the shower to use a different toy. However, if the idea of being interrupted at all while masturbating is unsettling to you, then you should probably go for a different vibrator. In order to turn the vibrator on or off, you have to squeeze the Bondage Duckie at the base of the neck. You know how there are stuffed animals in grocery stores and such that sing songs or speak, and all you need to do is “PRESS HERE”? You know how sometimes the pressing is more like “SQUEEZE AS HARD AS YOU CAN IN THIS GENERAL AREA AND HOPE FOR THE BEST”? Yeah…. So we understand each other.

No Trash!

These complaints, in my opinion, are minor. Does anyone buy vibrators like these actually expecting to get off effectively? I don’t know. Considering the way my body functions, I wouldn’t. The Bondage Duckie is a luxury toy in the sense that it is enjoyable and certainly a fun item to have in your collection, but it’s completely non-essential.

Joseph

Ok…so it’s a rubber duckie (usually associated with toddlers) that is covered in bondage gear (only associated with toddlers if you like federal penitentiaries) that you are meant to vibrate your vagina with. That’s not weird. Not at all.

Of course, I am being obtuse. This is one of those discreet sex toys meant to be kept in plain site without raising more than an eyebrow. It does a good job of that.

Beyond that, it is pretty easy to use from the partner’s perspective. It is easy to hold and the vibration is fairly easy to direct. It still weirds me out a little bit, though….

“You like that duckie? Yeah, you like it?” See? Weird.

I don’t suppose I should be too weirded out though, many sex toys resemble baby toys.

One more thing. It can never be completely sterilized so no sharing unless you’re fluid bonded.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics: 5 out of 5 stars

Intensity: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Volume: 2 out of 5 stars

Ease of Cleaning: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 3 out of 5 stars

Overall: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Ahem…

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Basic Essentials Softee provided for review by Eden Fantasys

Joseph

Marketing Guy 1:
What do chicks love?

Marketing Guy 2:
My Dick!

MG 1 & 2:
WOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHH!

MG 1:
No seriously, though…they love pink…and….and….

MG 2:
My Dick!

MG 1:
Textures! Let’s make a vibrator that is pink and covered in texture of some kind.

MG 2:
But let’s make the texture removable so I can put it on My Dick!

MG 1:
Um..sure…

Expert tip for guys — don’t turn the sheath inside out and try to use it as a sleeve. Just don’t.

And they made it in China cause it is cheaper and put “SOLD AS NOVELTY ONLY…This product is intended for use as a novelty product only. For external use only.” Yep. It is a vibrating dildo that is not meant for internal use.

Ok, so that endearing disclaimer aside, let’s talk material. The outer sheath is made of TPR which is pretty easy to clean (assuming it doesn’t have a million little bumps all over it) but can not be disinfected. The vibrator itself is ABS, a mix between elstomer, rubber and hard plastic. Same story there, easily cleaned but impossible to disinfect. It is, however recyclable (probably not with the motor in it, though).

The Basic Essentials Softee takes one AA battery and has an adjustable speed dial at the base to control the speed of vibration. It is water proof and oh-so-pink.

Don’t buy it.

Mimi

When EdenFantasys offered the Basic Essentials Softee to us for review, I accepted the offer thinking our experience could go one of two ways –

1. It would be a simple toy that is surprisingly exciting and novel in its sensation.
2. It would be uncomfortable and oh so ho-hum.

After getting its soft, nubbed pink body out of the packaging, I immediately tested the dial-control for vibration range, intensity, and ease of use. I found it promising. Plus, there’s something about the physical sensation of turning a dial that I really enjoy. Don’t try to make sense of it. I’m just mentioning this because the dial turning may be the thing I like most about this toy.

(Oh yeah, it’s like that.)

Joseph removed the TPR shell – the nubby sleeve which reminds me of art history freshman year – exposing a much more simplistic, “traditional” vibrator beneath. Still pink. Still could go either way.

I could see being excited about the idea of having two toys in one, but really this is more like getting no toys at all. And then crying.

Why? Well….

Most of the intensity is in the “head”, which is smooth, not nubbed like the rest of it. I guessed the point of the nubbiness then was to stimulate the vulva in a new way. Guessed wrong. It feels like a lubricated gelatin mace is groping me.

Although the vibration did feel good, it wasn’t really strong enough to push me over the edge. So it might be good for some warm-up foreplay or orgasm control, but otherwise it’s a big fat disappointment.

While it was inside me I kept thinking, “This might feel good without those nubs.” It wasn’t painful, per se. It was just uncomfortable. Yes, I know – you can remove the nubby texture. The problem with the intensity is still present.

Since the Basic Essentials Softee has a removable sleeve and it’s waterproof, cleaning is easier than it would be if… say… there were no water in the world anywhere ever and you were dead. Okay, I’m exaggerating. However, it’s no exaggeration that cleaning the TPR nubby sleeve is a pain in the ass. In fact, considering the Basic Essentials Softee cannot be sterilized in any way, you may want to go ahead and use a condom with each use anyway. Voila! Clean-up is easier.

Or buying a different toy altogether. That might be easier.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics: 2 out of 5 stars

Intensity: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Volume: 4 out of 5 stars

Ease of Cleaning: 1 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 2 out of 5 stars

Overall: 1.5 out of 5 stars

(Bad) Dream of the Sex Toy Reviewer’s wife

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Smartballs teneo provided for review by Good Vibrations

Joseph

Smartballs teneo are elastomed balls with a silicone coating that are designed to strengthen women’s pelvic muscles. The box claims that they do this because of a smaller weighted ball inside the outer shell of the Smartballs. Supposedly this weight will shift as the woman moves and this shift will tell her pelvic muscles that something needs to be held onto. The pelvic muscles will flex, thereby strengthening them.

They are available in doubles or singles, each ball is 1 ¾” long and 1 ½” in diameter. As stated above, the balls themselves are elastomed and are coated with silicone which is nice because both of those materials are hypoallergenic and can be disinfected. To clean them, simply wash with warm water and mild soap. To disinfect, boil them for about 10 minutes.

The teneo line of Smartballs sets itself apart from the original by having an indentation at the base of the ball that makes it easier to insert and by having a raised swirl design for “improved sensitivity.”

So, let me get this right, you stick these in and forget about them. Go about your daily routine and these balls will be strengthening your PC muscles all day with little to no effort on your part. Strong PC muscles mean better sex. So…stronger muscles and better sex just like that. Magic, right?

Mimi

Joseph covered the Smartballs teneo in terms of their material, design, and purpose quite well, so I’m going to skip ahead to my experience with the teneo.

Inserting them is uncomfortable because of their wide, blunt shape. Imagine a big circle going into a smaller circle. There you go.

As to whether or not they work, I am uncertain. It really just felt like I was wearing a tampon. There really didn’t feel like any weight was added and I forgot about them most of the time. If I am understanding kegel balls correctly – and please correct me if I am wrong – then this is a negative quality of the teneo Smartballs. If there’s not enough added weight, how can it really work your muscles? And if I need to consciously work those muscles every so often throughout the day in order for the teneo Smartballs to be effective, then why buy the balls at all? Why not just do that on my own?

They are designed really well and I think it’s great they can be disinfected, as Joseph said, but I can’t help feeling it’s not serving its purpose as well as it could. Or should.

My vote? No thanks, feeling the sensation of wearing a tampon is enough one week a month. I don’t need any added days.

The Naked Truth

Entertainment Value: N/A

Aesthetics: 5 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 2 out of 5 stars

Ease of Cleaning: 5 out of 5 stars

Overall: 2 out of 5 stars

Strongest tree branches EVAR!

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Divine Vibrator provided by Babeland

Joseph

The Divine Vibe by Doc. Johnson is somewhat less than divine. Or at least, that what it seems like from my perspective.

That’s the thing, my perspective, as one without a vagina is somewhat limited about things like g-spot stimulators and vibrators meant to be inserted into said non-existent vagina. Therefore, I’ll just break down the dimensions and logistics of this bad mama jama.

The Divine Vibe is an 8” x 1 ¾” variable speed vibrator that has a curvature intended to stimulate the G-spot internally. It is made of ABS (the same stuff as Lego blocks) plastic which is a durable and recyclable plastic made comprised of a mix of elastomer, rubber, and hard plastic. ABS will dissolve when exposed to acetone, so no harsh cleaners.

The vibe comes in two colors, “Yin and Yang” (read: Black and White to the non-marketing goon) and is packaged in a mostly clear plastic container that says “Harmony” for reasons we cannot discern.  It takes two AAA batteries which are not included and has a single button to control the speeds (low, medium, high). I feel kind of silly because it seems like I should be able to figure this out, but there is a symbol on the box and the bottom to the vibe that confuses me. It is a trashcan with a big X over it. I guess this means that this toy must not be thrown away…so….what should you do with it when you are finished getting in sync with your inner core? This? Really, click on that link. It is worth it.

As far as using it on someone, it is pretty easy on the hand. The big, bulbous base makes it very easy to grip and maneuver and the ABS keeps the temp nice and slightly cool.

Because if you don’t “close cap tightly” bad things could happen.

Mimi

Let me just start by saying that I have an odd relationship with g-spot vibrating toys. I tend to dislike them. (I’ll write more about this for our upcoming Lelo Gigi review.) Still, I am open to experimentation and Doc. Johnson’s Divine Vibe could be used in various other ways, so I decided to give it a try.

I received the Yin (black) Doc. Johnson’s Divine Vibe and after pressing the button down toward the battery compartment three times to feel the three different settings, I was pretty convinced that I might actually have a clitoral orgasm with this toy. The low and middle setting are worthy yet the highest setting is the one I used the most.

It didn’t happen. I tried on several occasions, and although it felt good, it didn’t feel close to good enough. I ended up pulling out my Hitachi every time.

We decided that Joseph should use it on me while I use the Hitachi to see how it feels inside me as well as handled by another person.

That was a whole lot of vibrating.

Due to the width and shape of the Divine Vibe, I felt rather “full” while it was inside me. Eventually I had a clitoral orgasm, which felt good. It was a slow burn.

Then I went to wash the Divine Vibe and realized there is a tiny crevice between the “head” of the vibrator and those three ridges in the center. This tiny crevice is a collector, and it is hard to clean. At least it’s waterproof and you can submerge and scrub to your heart’s content. Maybe you don’t care about something as tiny as that crevice.

Maybe you should go masturbate with some Legos then. At least you could build cool shit afterwards.

As I mentioned, it is waterproof and it functions really well as a vibrator that lives in the bathroom and is used on my clit occasionally in the shower as a warm-up. And it does feel great in that capacity. It teases while stimulating because you need more, and that’s where other toys or partners come in. Hopefully.

Divine? More like Pretty Good to Have Around.

The Naked Truth:

Intensity: 4 out of 5 stars

Volume: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Aesthetic design: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Versatility: 3 out of 5 stars

Ease of cleaning: 2 out of 5 stars

Overall: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Jesus: Yo, B! Who the hell is this lumpy fool?

Buddha: I dunno, but he a jive-ass sucka!

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*Update* This product seems to no longer exist at Babeland.

Today we are reviewing the Showerbabe which is available exclusively at Babeland

Joseph

I was pretty excited about this product because due to height difference and a small shower, we can’t have intercourse in the shower without the inclusion of a stool (which is awkward) so this product meant new ways to play in the shower.

Overall I am very pleased with the Showerbabe. It has two intensity settings which have not been enough to get her off by itself, but have been a great companion to my fingers or tounge. The settings are activated by a button on the bottom of the handle which can be somewhat awkward to use while the Showerbabe is inside of her. However, the handle itself is great because things do tend to get slippery in the shower.

Out of the shower, this is a good product as well. Because of its tapered tip and slim design, it is a great companion vibe for clit stimulation during intercourse. We had been using a Hitachi Wand which got the job done, but got in the way too much. The Showerbabe allows for her to pinpoint the vibration where she wants it without also vibrating my balls.

The hard plastic construction makes it extremely easy to clean which I love.

Mimi

The ShowerBabe is the first hard plastic vibrator that I’ve had, and although it was quite a change from my glorious Hitachi Magic Wand, it’s still quite enjoyable. We were attracted to ShowerBabe because, as you can guess, it’s waterproof and that little handle on the end sounded like a good idea.

I really enjoy our foreplay in the shower before heading to the bedroom (or the couch, the floor, the chair, the desk…) and the only danger we run into is not wanting to take the time to dry off first! Compared to some other vibrators that I’ve heard, ShowerBabe isn’t really that loud and its level of noise is appropriate to the intensity, which you can change between a regular and a high setting.

I didn’t really enjoy it inside of me, perhaps because of its shape, but against my clit it felt great. With this vibrator you can really find the points, movements, and pressures that please you in exactly the way you want to be pleased.

The Naked Truth

Intensity: 3 out of 5 stars

Volume: 2 out of 5 stars

Design: 3 out of 5 stars

Ease of cleaning: 5 out of 5 stars

Overall: 3.5 out of 5 stars

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