I Rub My Duckie Bondage provided for review by Vibrator.com

Mimi

There are two things I think I should mention right away –

1. I’m not really into animal shaped, cutesy toys.

2. It takes a lot to please my clit, especially with the medication I’ve been taking recently.

This is the perspective that I am coming from, yet I still wanted an I Rub My Duckie of my own. Of course, we needed the Bondage version, the second release of the Collector’s Series. With its lace up “leather” corset , red ball gag, tattoo, and miniature handcuffs, it’s really cute and fun. If someone were to see it through the clear shower doors, they probably would just assume that it’s another silly thing in our apartment full of many silly things.

The Bondage Duckie is easy to hold, even while wet, and most of its use, for me, has occurred as a warm up in the shower. There is only one level of vibration and it is centered mostly in the duck body, felt the strongest through the tail end. The vibration feels very good and can cover a broad area, but I have not been able to have an orgasm. Like I said, it serves as a good warm up toy that I can leave in the shower and smirk at from time to time.

The only outright annoyances come from the battery compartment and the method by which you can turn the vibration on or off. I didn’t mind the battery compartment requiring the use of a screwdriver because, honestly, if they die on me I’ll switch to my hand or get out of the shower to use a different toy. However, if the idea of being interrupted at all while masturbating is unsettling to you, then you should probably go for a different vibrator. In order to turn the vibrator on or off, you have to squeeze the Bondage Duckie at the base of the neck. You know how there are stuffed animals in grocery stores and such that sing songs or speak, and all you need to do is “PRESS HERE”? You know how sometimes the pressing is more like “SQUEEZE AS HARD AS YOU CAN IN THIS GENERAL AREA AND HOPE FOR THE BEST”? Yeah…. So we understand each other.

No Trash!

These complaints, in my opinion, are minor. Does anyone buy vibrators like these actually expecting to get off effectively? I don’t know. Considering the way my body functions, I wouldn’t. The Bondage Duckie is a luxury toy in the sense that it is enjoyable and certainly a fun item to have in your collection, but it’s completely non-essential.

Joseph

Ok…so it’s a rubber duckie (usually associated with toddlers) that is covered in bondage gear (only associated with toddlers if you like federal penitentiaries) that you are meant to vibrate your vagina with. That’s not weird. Not at all.

Of course, I am being obtuse. This is one of those discreet sex toys meant to be kept in plain site without raising more than an eyebrow. It does a good job of that.

Beyond that, it is pretty easy to use from the partner’s perspective. It is easy to hold and the vibration is fairly easy to direct. It still weirds me out a little bit, though….

“You like that duckie? Yeah, you like it?” See? Weird.

I don’t suppose I should be too weirded out though, many sex toys resemble baby toys.

One more thing. It can never be completely sterilized so no sharing unless you’re fluid bonded.

The Naked Truth

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Ahem…

Basic Essentials Softee provided for review by Eden Fantasys

Joseph

Marketing Guy 1:
What do chicks love?

Marketing Guy 2:
My Dick!

MG 1 & 2:
WOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHH!

MG 1:
No seriously, though…they love pink…and….and….

MG 2:
My Dick!

MG 1:
Textures! Let’s make a vibrator that is pink and covered in texture of some kind.

MG 2:
But let’s make the texture removable so I can put it on My Dick!

MG 1:
Um..sure…

Expert tip for guys — don’t turn the sheath inside out and try to use it as a sleeve. Just don’t.

And they made it in China cause it is cheaper and put “SOLD AS NOVELTY ONLY…This product is intended for use as a novelty product only. For external use only.” Yep. It is a vibrating dildo that is not meant for internal use.

Ok, so that endearing disclaimer aside, let’s talk material. The outer sheath is made of TPR which is pretty easy to clean (assuming it doesn’t have a million little bumps all over it) but can not be disinfected. The vibrator itself is ABS, a mix between elstomer, rubber and hard plastic. Same story there, easily cleaned but impossible to disinfect. It is, however recyclable (probably not with the motor in it, though).

The Basic Essentials Softee takes one AA battery and has an adjustable speed dial at the base to control the speed of vibration. It is water proof and oh-so-pink.

Don’t buy it.

Mimi

When EdenFantasys offered the Basic Essentials Softee to us for review, I accepted the offer thinking our experience could go one of two ways –

1. It would be a simple toy that is surprisingly exciting and novel in its sensation.
2. It would be uncomfortable and oh so ho-hum.

After getting its soft, nubbed pink body out of the packaging, I immediately tested the dial-control for vibration range, intensity, and ease of use. I found it promising. Plus, there’s something about the physical sensation of turning a dial that I really enjoy. Don’t try to make sense of it. I’m just mentioning this because the dial turning may be the thing I like most about this toy.

(Oh yeah, it’s like that.)

Joseph removed the TPR shell – the nubby sleeve which reminds me of art history freshman year – exposing a much more simplistic, “traditional” vibrator beneath. Still pink. Still could go either way.

I could see being excited about the idea of having two toys in one, but really this is more like getting no toys at all. And then crying.

Why? Well….

Most of the intensity is in the “head”, which is smooth, not nubbed like the rest of it. I guessed the point of the nubbiness then was to stimulate the vulva in a new way. Guessed wrong. It feels like a lubricated gelatin mace is groping me.

Although the vibration did feel good, it wasn’t really strong enough to push me over the edge. So it might be good for some warm-up foreplay or orgasm control, but otherwise it’s a big fat disappointment.

While it was inside me I kept thinking, “This might feel good without those nubs.” It wasn’t painful, per se. It was just uncomfortable. Yes, I know – you can remove the nubby texture. The problem with the intensity is still present.

Since the Basic Essentials Softee has a removable sleeve and it’s waterproof, cleaning is easier than it would be if… say… there were no water in the world anywhere ever and you were dead. Okay, I’m exaggerating. However, it’s no exaggeration that cleaning the TPR nubby sleeve is a pain in the ass. In fact, considering the Basic Essentials Softee cannot be sterilized in any way, you may want to go ahead and use a condom with each use anyway. Voila! Clean-up is easier.

Or buying a different toy altogether. That might be easier.

The Naked Truth

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(Bad) Dream of the Sex Toy Reviewer’s wife

Smartballs teneo provided for review by Good Vibrations

Joseph

Smartballs teneo are elastomed balls with a silicone coating that are designed to strengthen women’s pelvic muscles. The box claims that they do this because of a smaller weighted ball inside the outer shell of the Smartballs. Supposedly this weight will shift as the woman moves and this shift will tell her pelvic muscles that something needs to be held onto. The pelvic muscles will flex, thereby strengthening them.

They are available in doubles or singles, each ball is 1 ¾” long and 1 ½” in diameter. As stated above, the balls themselves are elastomed and are coated with silicone which is nice because both of those materials are hypoallergenic and can be disinfected. To clean them, simply wash with warm water and mild soap. To disinfect, boil them for about 10 minutes.

The teneo line of Smartballs sets itself apart from the original by having an indentation at the base of the ball that makes it easier to insert and by having a raised swirl design for “improved sensitivity.”

So, let me get this right, you stick these in and forget about them. Go about your daily routine and these balls will be strengthening your PC muscles all day with little to no effort on your part. Strong PC muscles mean better sex. So…stronger muscles and better sex just like that. Magic, right?

Mimi

Joseph covered the Smartballs teneo in terms of their material, design, and purpose quite well, so I’m going to skip ahead to my experience with the teneo.

Inserting them is uncomfortable because of their wide, blunt shape. Imagine a big circle going into a smaller circle. There you go.

As to whether or not they work, I am uncertain. It really just felt like I was wearing a tampon. There really didn’t feel like any weight was added and I forgot about them most of the time. If I am understanding kegel balls correctly – and please correct me if I am wrong – then this is a negative quality of the teneo Smartballs. If there’s not enough added weight, how can it really work your muscles? And if I need to consciously work those muscles every so often throughout the day in order for the teneo Smartballs to be effective, then why buy the balls at all? Why not just do that on my own?

They are designed really well and I think it’s great they can be disinfected, as Joseph said, but I can’t help feeling it’s not serving its purpose as well as it could. Or should.

My vote? No thanks, feeling the sensation of wearing a tampon is enough one week a month. I don’t need any added days.

The Naked Truth

Entertainment Value: N/A

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Strongest tree branches EVAR!