Mimi

The Hitachi Magic Wand (referred to from now on as Hitachi) is not, I repeat, not an attractive sex toy. It looks like something you find in a box under your grandma’s bed after she has died, mildly discolored and thinly covered with dust, leaving you to ask yourself a million times, “Did I touch it?” It’s big (head is 2-1/2” diameter), long (12”), has a cord, and the coloration is reminiscent of terms like “gynecologist” and “PTA”.

You get the point. No offence moms out there who love having orgasms and going to PTA meetings, but I think we can agree those two subjects don’t exactly go hand-in-hand at the same time.

If my ex-boyfriend hadn’t purchased it for me as a gift a little over two years ago, I probably would not have ever experienced this vibrator. Although it’s cheaper than a lot of other electric vibrators on the market at $54, it’s just not as sleek and sexy and would therefore be passed up. It’s not the toy you want to brag to your girlfriends about. It’s not the toy you want to whip out of the drawer and use with your new boyfriend.

All of that said, I love my Hitachi.

Yes, it’s intense. It only has two settings – high and higher. For some women, this might be a real problem because it can be painful or distracting. Just like any other sex toy, you have to figure out how to make it work for you. I don’t ever use the Hitachi directly on my clit but rather above it or below it, and I rarely ever use the higher setting. (Or the Desperation setting, as I affectionately think of it.) I still have really intense orgasms, especially with a g-spot stimulating dildo like my Fun Wand.

(Together, it’s Magic Fun. Get it?)

At first the cord is really a turn off, but unless you’re ridiculously clumsy and/or lacking a sense of humor, the cord is never going to be a significant concern. When your other vibrator’s batteries are dead and you somehow managed to forget to buy more, your trusty plug-in Hitachi will be there. (True story. It happened to me.) Also, as I mentioned before, I’ve had this vibrator for over two years. Two years of frequent use, of my writhing and twisting and squeezing. R-e-l-i-a-b-l-e.

So how is it with a friend? Well, Joseph laughed quite a lot when he first saw my Hitachi, but jokes were quickly put aside once the relatively loud buzz of the Hitachi started, corresponding with moans and my thighs crushing the hand he naively entrusted to my nether regions. I’ve been crushing him ever since… so to speak.

It seems like the Hitachi is a vibrator that women either swear their life by or they can’t imagine why everyone else is so in love with it. I’ve heard both stories, I’m sticking to mine. I love it and when it someday dies on me, to hell with groceries for a couple weeks, my Hitachi will be replaced.

Joseph

When I saw the Hitachi Magic Wand in her toy chest for the first time I though “Holy fuck! How does she fit that inside of her and why does she want to continue having sex with humans if she likes that size?” How silly I was.

That was before I had any experience with sex toys. Obviously I was not familiar with the concept of a vibrator that does not go inside. Quickly I became well acquainted with the Hitachi and it’s proper usage.

It is my understanding that it is too powerful for most to use directly on the clitoris, it is much better suited for proximity stimulation. Placed above or below the clit, this thing vibrates a woman’s whole pelvis and sends Mimi screaming to heaven within a few minutes. Sturdy, wired, powerful, and ugly as hell, the Hitachi Magic Wand is the shotgun of vibrators. Just get close and it will do its job.

A sign of a great product is when you cannot think of life without it. The Hitachi has become of those products for us. It is more than just an accessory to Mimi. It is a regular part of her sex life. The intensity of the orgasms that she has while using the Hitachi are unparalleled (watch the video) and she requires the kind of stimulation that it provides in order to reach them.

From my perspective, it is an awesome part of our sex lives. It is approachable (since I got over my misconceptions) because of how ludicrous it looks and sounds, it does not require me to buy more batteries every few months, and most importantly, it makes it relatively easy for me to help her have earth (and eardrum) shattering orgasms. I just lend a finger (or two) to her G-spot and enjoy the show.

I’ve heard that female sex toys threaten some men. That’s just stupid. Sex toys are a way for people to find out specifically what they like and how they like it. Some things that sex toys do are physically impossible for a human to do. For example, I could never, ever stimulate a clitoris as quickly or as intensely as the Hitachi Magic Wand. It is just not possible. I know that some guys have a “I have to make her cum” complex, but mine is closer to a “she has to enjoy the experience” complex. Sometimes, for her to fully enjoy the experience (or cum, if you must) she needs stimulation at a rate that I cannot achieve, so I reach for the Hitachi. It is a tool, a means to an end, and it is bad ass at what it does.

It is portable… just like Zack Morris’s cell phone

The Naked Truth:

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Succulent Blossom provided by Babeland

Joseph

Oh my. Where to start?

I guess I’ll start with the packaging. It is quite a thing in and of itself. It is cramped with silly, inappropriate phrases, poorly made logos, an obligatory naked woman, a picture of the product, and an inexplicable bubble with the word “earth” in it. I can’t imagine why. Perhaps the manufacturer thinks that making a phthalate free product is the same thing as making an environmentally friendly product. It is not. My two favorite idiotic sayings on the package before I move on: “The personal choice of wicked girls” (because wicked girls just love wrapping things around their cocks…) and “Ultra-erotic deep penetrating ribbed tunnel made of luxurious senso material” …what does ultra-erotic even mean and how is a tunnel deep penetrating?

Ok, enough about the package—let’s move on to the main event.

This is a masturbation sleeve….shaped like a flower…and it is neon blue. How does masturbation and a neon flower go together, you may ask. Well, I’ll let an intellect much greater than mine explain.

“Mmmmmmm, I love the sound of that. Sssssucculent. And of course Blossum…that’s a metaphor you know and I bet you can guess what for!Just imagine what part of me that sounds like. Bingo Now what do you want to do?” – Devinn Lane

Straight off of the side of the box.

This blue flower to stick your dick in is 4”/10cm long and has “8 teasing petals” around the base. What the petals are teasing is unclear to me. My experience with it is that it is unusable without lube. With lube, the inner ribbing feels rather nice going up and down, but not significantly better than just my hand and not nice enough to justify putting my wang in this ridiculous thing. The length is also a problem for me. The head of my penis chafes uncomfortably as the sleeve slides on and off. To be fair, my skin is pretty sensitive. For someone that doesn’t have a pussy dick (heh), this may be fun. I can stretch the sleeve to be long enough, but frankly, it is not worth it.

Other reviews (Babeland and True Pleasures) say that it is good for use in tandem with a mouth. If you have a problem with fellatio, be it because your man’s penis is too big to fit all way in your mouth/throat or that your jaw muscles cannot take a full blowjob, the idea is that you slip on the sleeve and use it to stimulate the shaft while you lick the lollipop.

We didn’t try that because I think Mimi would bust out laughing if we tried. I can’t blame her. (We are also lacking a lube that feels AND tastes good.)

My recommendation for this product is don’t waste your money. If you want a little manual exercise, just use your hand.

Looks like a good time, yeah?

Mimi

There are a few aspects of the Succulent Blossom sleeve that right away make it more humorous than erotically arousing, mostly for the reasons Joseph already mentioned. The immature brat in me wants to throw this floppy jelly tube out of a window at some unsuspecting jogger from a slow moving vehicle.

Okay, I am being unfair. I can see why, for some people, the Succulent Blossom is a really great toy. Joseph told me that it felt good, aside from irritating his sensitive skin. Plus, some people are less prone to fits of laughter at the prospect of using ridiculous looking toys.

Whenever I talked to Joseph about how we might try it, no matter what reason or suggestion I had, the bottom line, in his mind, was always, “it’s not worth it”. In fact, at one point yesterday I suggested that in preparation for our review that we use it in the shower, and he opted to clean the fish tank instead.

Yes, he cleaned the tank of our nasty fish instead of masturbating with the Succulent Blossom (and me) in the shower.

I’m sure that there are good masturbation sleeves out there for men, which may be worth the money and out rank Old Reliable (your hand), but the Succulent Blossom isn’t one of them.

The Naked Truth:

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Under the Bed Restraint System provided by Babeland

Mimi

Sportsheets’ Under the Bed Restraint System is difficult to write about because it’s a simple design that functions exactly as it appears on the packaging. Four cuffs are attached to four 60-inch restraint straps, connected together by a 60-inch strap that goes underneath your mattress length-wise. The cuffs have velco enclosures and the straps can be adjusted to offer the non-restrained person more control over the restrained person’s position.

I’m using these terms instead of ‘Master’, ‘Domme’, or ‘sub’ because although I think this is an excellent product, it’s probably not particularly thrilling for individuals that are more demanding of their bondage scenes. The fact that the non-restrained person can free his/herself has both positive and negative implications – 1.) it can help build trust and comfort for individuals unfamiliar with bondage and 2.) it can disrupt the true feeling of being at the “mercy” of another person. And as I’m hoping you are aware, a lot of what happens with bondage is mental. So it’s kind of a casual, beginner, or mostly-vanilla-but-trying-some-kink toy.

However, with some other toys and some creativity there is room for expansion, which is something that will always earn a toy some gold stars in my book. For example, if the cuffs start to bother you because of how soft they feel or because they don’t lock, you can purchase harder, more bad ass, locking cuffs to replace the old cuffs. Or you could use the Restraint System as a base for more extensive bondage play. Last night he used the cuffs at the head of our bed to restrain my feet so I was vag and ass out exposed, and in a brief moment of distracted thought, I considered the myriad of ways that I could be tortured and tormented, or how my arms could possibly be tied to my legs or my chest. Throw in some rope, a paddle, an ice cube, or butt plug and you are golden. So many possibilities.

That’s really the beauty of this product. It’s simplistic, a common denominator from which you can fine tune your own brand of kink. And shouldn’t that be the point?

Joseph

I have no background in BDSM of any kind. I didn’t even really know what the letters stood for until recently and I still forget sometimes. Since I’ve been with Mimi, I have been ever so slowly exploring the world of rope, blindfolds, nipple clamps, and the blurring of the fine line between pleasure and pain.

I think that my level of experience with bondage is exactly right for this product. Don’t get me wrong, this is a bondage product; it is just one that is best for light bondage or people that are new to it, not entirely comfortable with heavier bondage play, or just want to feel kinky without the heightened level of trust and inherent danger that comes with some BDSM acts.

Sportsheets’ Under the Bed Restraint System is the very definition of straight forward. I mean, look at what they called it. There is no question about what this product is or does. It is a restraint system. That goes under the bed.

Unlike the Astrea II and communism, this is a very simple concept that functions beautifully in reality. I was able to install (read: put under the mattress) in less than five minutes and can restrain her at any time in a matter of seconds because it is always there. Although we don’t care to bother with concealing it, if one chooses, it is also very easy to keep out of sight but within reach. The straps and cuffs can just tuck away behind the headboard and your comforter can cover the ones at the bottom.

The cuffs are attached to the straps with clips that can be opened and moved with ease. This is nice because you can clip the cuffs together to restrain your playmate off the bed, and then reattach the cuffs to the straps when it is time to move into the bedroom.

My only reservation about wholeheartedly endorsing this product is the packaging. All of Sportsheets’ packaging and marketing materials that I’ve seen are exactly the kind of air-brushed, over stylized, scantily clad model propaganda that bothers me about the adult industry.

With that said, all and all, this is a brilliantly executed product. It is simple, well designed and versatile.

“Excuse me, your kink is showing.”

The Naked Truth:

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