Hello, lover!

Seriously, if I could, I would walk around all day with this little beauty vibrating away in my underwear. People may start to wonder why my crotch is buzzing, but what they don’t know can’t hurt ‘em! Before I dedicate a shrine to the LAYAspot, let me go over why it is so awesome.

Fun Factory’s packaging is gorgeous. There are two flaps at the back(?) of the box that close together with magnets. The picture on the box just depicts the LAYAspot and Fun Factory’s tagline: ‘love yourself!’. The other side of the box just showcases the vibrator. No tacky, ridiculous rubbish here. Fun Factory is all class, baby (and magnets).

With the LAYAspot you get a little booklet in a ton of different languages and a small sachet of lube. I received Fun Factory’s Bodyfluid, which is their silicone-based lubricant, but others have received Toyfluid, their water-based lubricant.

Rest assured though, either silicone or water-based lube will do fine. The LAYAspot is made mostly from Elastomed, which I believe is similar in properties to silicone, but can be used with silicone lubricant. However, elastomed can not be sterillised, so either use this solo, with a condom, or with partners that you are fluid-bonded with.

It is also partially plastic. The battery cap, an area near the buttons and the middle portion of the bottom of the vibrator are the only parts in plastic. This middle portion is the one that comes into contact with or close to your clit, but it is not hard and uncomfortable.

The elastomed portions of mine smell kind of weird. I’ve washed it many times and I swear it came out of the package smelling like this. Its not offensive or really pungent, but its sort of play-doh like. I think that mine’s just an anomaly though.

The LAYAspot takes two AAA batteries, and can fit rechargeable AAAs. Its power is enough to get most people off, but not enough for the power queens or those with clits of steel. It is rather quiet and can not be heard through a closed door at its highest vibration.

There are 8 steadily increasing vibration patterns and 3 pulsation patterns. To get to the pulsation patterns just keep pressing the + button until the highest steady vibration is reached and press the + once more. To get back to the steady vibrations, just press – and you’ll go back to the highest steady vibration. The buttons sometimes have to be pressed quite hard though.

Its vibrations are more the deep and rumbly type, and not really buzzy at all. This can either be a plus or a con depending on what vibrations you prefer.

The LAYAspot has no O ring to keep it waterproof but I don’t believe it to be entirely splashproof either. When I first washed it (under the sink) very carefully, I still found water inside the battery cap. It wasn’t a lot, but I’d keep this vibe away from water just in case. To clean it I would recommend a damp cloth, wipes or water if you’re not as clumsy as I am and won’t get it into the battery cap. Do not boil the LAYAspot or run it through the dishwasher, no matter how titillating that may look.

This toy is very ergonomic in design and can be held easily in different ways to get the type of stimulation you prefer. For those of you that get off with pressure (high-five!) the LAYAspot is your sex toy. The plastic portion that comes into contact with the clit is a little concaved so it would be rather difficult to hurt your clit even with massive amounts of pressure. It can stimulate both the labia and the clitoris at the same time, so its good times all round!

The orgasms I get from the LAYAspot are ok, but they’re not amazing. The LAYAspot is like my ol’ reliable vibe. I know I will get off while using it, and my body can be very picky. If you already own luxury vibes or the Hitachi Magic Wand the LAYAspot probably won’t blow you away. Nonetheless, this is my favourite vibrator because I can get off with just it alone. And I love that.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics: 4 out of 5 stars

Intensity: 3 out of 5 stars

Volume: 3 out of 5 stars

Ease of Cleaning: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 4 out of 5 stars

Overall: 4 out of 5 stars

Of course it can also be used in case of zombie Teddys...

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Australlia bans depictions of small breasted women and depictions of female ejaculations. Words fail me.

LGBTQ:

Hawaii decides not to vote on same-sex civil unions this year because it is an election year. Boo Hawaii.
Testimony ends in Prop 8 trial. Appeal expected regardless of outcome.
eHarmony finally allows gay and lesbian users. Of course they had to be sued first.
Indiana senate Oks same sex marriage ban. Douches.

Education:

Planned Parenthood and Siecus release report on the failings of abstinence only education in Mississippi. Doy
The term oral sex in a dictionary causes problems in Riverside, Ca.
Wisconsin passes bill making teaching of birth control and STIs a mandatory part of sex ed.
Parents in Green county, OK are trying to get a book that makes reference to same sex couples raising kids pulled from school library shelves. Cause they are dumb.

Tech:

Bettersex.com says that LELO NEA is the sex toy of the year for 2009. Anyone surprised to see LELO win?
Adobe subtly points out that the iPad won’t play most internet porn. My blackberry does…

Drugs:

New emergency contraception effective up to five days after sex. Probably will give you cancer in 15 years.
Pfizer to tone down sexual innuendo in Viagra commercials. Pfizer still sucks.

General:

Older folks still getting fun-kay. And it makes them healthier.

Who cares:

Tiger Woods blah blah sex blah blah.
Bristol Palin vows no sex till marriage. And blathers to Oprah about it.
Andy Dick arrested for sexual assault.

Got a tip? Send it here

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Xtreme Pack Mini G-Spot Bullet provided for review by Tabu Toys

Mimi

The Xtreme Pack Mimi G-spot Bullet is a brightly coloured green and purple with flashing red lights, a toy reminiscent of a handheld video game system, minus the PEW-PEW shooting noise. It really does seem like a toy.

But the Xtreme Pack means business. The 2.25″ x 1″ bullet vibrator plugs into a plastic and rubber controller with buttons to increase intensity, change the setting, or turn it off. As you increase the intensity, red lights appear or disappear in a crescent across the controller. The controller is pretty easy and straight-forward. You can handily rest it on your chest while masturbating, changing the settings periodically with ease. The bullet itself is designed with a curve at the end to stimulate the g-spot, but it also works well for stimulating the clit. It takes two AA batteries, which are not included.

I didn’t really enjoy it inside me, regardless of the setting or intensity. It just felt like my pelvis was vibrating and I really didn’t feel like it was assisting me in any way. Most of its use has been external, against my clit. I varied my use between the tip and the wider backside of the bullet. If you’ve never used a bullet vibrator before, you should know that as you are holding the bullet, you can feel all of the vibration in your fingers. As you make the bullet vibrate more intensely, the sensation may become distracting in your fingers. Some women experience this, some women don’t or they get used to it. At first it irritated me (as it does with every new bullet I try), but eventually I got used to it.

Although I did not reach orgasm on even the highest setting, I do believe that if I were not on medication at this time, it would have been more likely to happen. Or if I wasn’t so stressed out. In other words, if your body is not giving you the silent treatment like mine is, you’d probably get more out of the Xtreme Pack. Due to the fact that this vibrator takes AA batteries, its intensity and power can only reach so high. It does not compare to a plug-in or a rechargeable vibrator. So even though it calls itself “Xtreme”, it’s really not. The Xtreme Pack is kind of in a grey area for me, a middle ground where I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it either and it therefore becomes best explained with a shrug.

What you can’t see is that those lights blink like an epileptic nightmare.

Joseph

I have no problem with the concept or actual use of this product. A G-spot bullet on a long cord attached to a very easy to use control panel. It has 5 speed and 7 settings. That’s cool. It is pretty powerful for what it is and the materials are not great but they are not awful.  There is not really anything inherently wrong with this product. However….

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE COLOR CHOICES AND THE NAME? Xtreme Pack G-spot Bullet? Seriously? What makes it xtreme (extreme even) and why is it neon green and purple. Is the target market 12 year old boys?

The confounding color choices, the name, and the fact that the package claims that this product has a “soft rubber cote” leads me to believe that  the marketing people were drunk when they approved this one. Or maybe they had been watching too many Mountain Dew commercials…

Hey Joseph, what’s a cote?

That’s a very good question. I’ll tell ya what a cote is. A small shelter for domestic animals (as sheep or pigeons). Yep. Don’t believe me? Look.

I could understand this screw up if the producer was a Japanese sex toy company. They have a notioursly hard time translating. Guess who the manufacturer is. Freaking Cal Exotics. From California.

I’ll wrap this post up with a call to action.

Why not write Cal Exotics and ask them how they managed to cover your sex toy with a soft rubber shelter for domestic animals?

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics:

Intensity:  4 out of 5 stars

Volume:

Ease of Cleaning: 4 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 4 out of 5 stars

Overall: 3.5 out of 5 stars

So EXTREME they had to remove the first E from Mimi & Joseph on Vimeo.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Mimi

There are two things I think I should mention right away –

1. I’m not really into animal shaped, cutesy toys.

2. It takes a lot to please my clit, especially with the medication I’ve been taking recently.

This is the perspective that I am coming from, yet I still wanted an I Rub My Duckie of my own. Of course, we needed the Bondage version, the second release of the Collector’s Series. With its lace up “leather” corset , red ball gag, tattoo, and miniature handcuffs, it’s really cute and fun. If someone were to see it through the clear shower doors, they probably would just assume that it’s another silly thing in our apartment full of many silly things.

The Bondage Duckie is easy to hold, even while wet, and most of its use, for me, has occurred as a warm up in the shower. There is only one level of vibration and it is centered mostly in the duck body, felt the strongest through the tail end. The vibration feels very good and can cover a broad area, but I have not been able to have an orgasm. Like I said, it serves as a good warm up toy that I can leave in the shower and smirk at from time to time.

The only outright annoyances come from the battery compartment and the method by which you can turn the vibration on or off. I didn’t mind the battery compartment requiring the use of a screwdriver because, honestly, if they die on me I’ll switch to my hand or get out of the shower to use a different toy. However, if the idea of being interrupted at all while masturbating is unsettling to you, then you should probably go for a different vibrator. In order to turn the vibrator on or off, you have to squeeze the Bondage Duckie at the base of the neck. You know how there are stuffed animals in grocery stores and such that sing songs or speak, and all you need to do is “PRESS HERE”? You know how sometimes the pressing is more like “SQUEEZE AS HARD AS YOU CAN IN THIS GENERAL AREA AND HOPE FOR THE BEST”? Yeah…. So we understand each other.

No Trash!

These complaints, in my opinion, are minor. Does anyone buy vibrators like these actually expecting to get off effectively? I don’t know. Considering the way my body functions, I wouldn’t. The Bondage Duckie is a luxury toy in the sense that it is enjoyable and certainly a fun item to have in your collection, but it’s completely non-essential.

Joseph

Ok…so it’s a rubber duckie (usually associated with toddlers) that is covered in bondage gear (only associated with toddlers if you like federal penitentiaries) that you are meant to vibrate your vagina with. That’s not weird. Not at all.

Of course, I am being obtuse. This is one of those discreet sex toys meant to be kept in plain site without raising more than an eyebrow. It does a good job of that.

Beyond that, it is pretty easy to use from the partner’s perspective. It is easy to hold and the vibration is fairly easy to direct. It still weirds me out a little bit, though….

“You like that duckie? Yeah, you like it?” See? Weird.

I don’t suppose I should be too weirded out though, many sex toys resemble baby toys.

One more thing. It can never be completely sterilized so no sharing unless you’re fluid bonded.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics: 5 out of 5 stars

Intensity: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Volume: 2 out of 5 stars

Ease of Cleaning: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 3 out of 5 stars

Overall: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Ahem…

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Basic Essentials Softee provided for review by Eden Fantasys

Joseph

Marketing Guy 1:
What do chicks love?

Marketing Guy 2:
My Dick!

MG 1 & 2:
WOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHH!

MG 1:
No seriously, though…they love pink…and….and….

MG 2:
My Dick!

MG 1:
Textures! Let’s make a vibrator that is pink and covered in texture of some kind.

MG 2:
But let’s make the texture removable so I can put it on My Dick!

MG 1:
Um..sure…

Expert tip for guys — don’t turn the sheath inside out and try to use it as a sleeve. Just don’t.

And they made it in China cause it is cheaper and put “SOLD AS NOVELTY ONLY…This product is intended for use as a novelty product only. For external use only.” Yep. It is a vibrating dildo that is not meant for internal use.

Ok, so that endearing disclaimer aside, let’s talk material. The outer sheath is made of TPR which is pretty easy to clean (assuming it doesn’t have a million little bumps all over it) but can not be disinfected. The vibrator itself is ABS, a mix between elstomer, rubber and hard plastic. Same story there, easily cleaned but impossible to disinfect. It is, however recyclable (probably not with the motor in it, though).

The Basic Essentials Softee takes one AA battery and has an adjustable speed dial at the base to control the speed of vibration. It is water proof and oh-so-pink.

Don’t buy it.

Mimi

When EdenFantasys offered the Basic Essentials Softee to us for review, I accepted the offer thinking our experience could go one of two ways –

1. It would be a simple toy that is surprisingly exciting and novel in its sensation.
2. It would be uncomfortable and oh so ho-hum.

After getting its soft, nubbed pink body out of the packaging, I immediately tested the dial-control for vibration range, intensity, and ease of use. I found it promising. Plus, there’s something about the physical sensation of turning a dial that I really enjoy. Don’t try to make sense of it. I’m just mentioning this because the dial turning may be the thing I like most about this toy.

(Oh yeah, it’s like that.)

Joseph removed the TPR shell – the nubby sleeve which reminds me of art history freshman year – exposing a much more simplistic, “traditional” vibrator beneath. Still pink. Still could go either way.

I could see being excited about the idea of having two toys in one, but really this is more like getting no toys at all. And then crying.

Why? Well….

Most of the intensity is in the “head”, which is smooth, not nubbed like the rest of it. I guessed the point of the nubbiness then was to stimulate the vulva in a new way. Guessed wrong. It feels like a lubricated gelatin mace is groping me.

Although the vibration did feel good, it wasn’t really strong enough to push me over the edge. So it might be good for some warm-up foreplay or orgasm control, but otherwise it’s a big fat disappointment.

While it was inside me I kept thinking, “This might feel good without those nubs.” It wasn’t painful, per se. It was just uncomfortable. Yes, I know – you can remove the nubby texture. The problem with the intensity is still present.

Since the Basic Essentials Softee has a removable sleeve and it’s waterproof, cleaning is easier than it would be if… say… there were no water in the world anywhere ever and you were dead. Okay, I’m exaggerating. However, it’s no exaggeration that cleaning the TPR nubby sleeve is a pain in the ass. In fact, considering the Basic Essentials Softee cannot be sterilized in any way, you may want to go ahead and use a condom with each use anyway. Voila! Clean-up is easier.

Or buying a different toy altogether. That might be easier.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics: 2 out of 5 stars

Intensity: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Volume: 4 out of 5 stars

Ease of Cleaning: 1 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 2 out of 5 stars

Overall: 1.5 out of 5 stars

(Bad) Dream of the Sex Toy Reviewer’s wife

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Vibratex’s Tumbelina provided for review by Babeland

Joseph

The Thumbelina is what is commonly referred to as a rabbit or dual stimulation vibe. It’s pretty obvious why. They are designed with dual stimulation in mind; Internal (often G-spot) stimulation and external clitoral. The rabbit name comes from the fact that the clitoral tickler resembles the ears of a rabbit. Sometimes it is even in the shape of a rabbit.

This one in particular is made with G-spot stimulation in mind. It has a bulbous head that is motorized to rotate at a variable speed. The clitoral tickler also has a variable speed motor. In theory, this should stimulate the G-spot and the clitoris with minimal work on your part. I don’t know about you, but I am digging the trend in female sex toys to be more and more automated. Several of them require little to no effort. You just plug them in, turn them on, lay back and enjoy. The downside to toys that do all the work for you is that they are not much fun for partnered use. For example, the Thumbelina is designed in such a way that it is not necessary to move it once you find the sweet spot and dial it up. Not really much for a second person to do except enjoy the show. Don’t get me wrong, watching a beautiful woman pleasure herself is nothing to complain about, but there is always something to be said for teamwork. Before you send me an email about it, I know that it is a MASTURBATION toy and so it is fine for it to be catered to solo use. But…we’re a married couple and we’re going to make observations like that. Deal.

Thinner than most of the dual vibes that I’ve seen, the Thumbelina is 3-3/4” x 1-1/4” and made of transparent purple elastomer. That, of course, means that it cannot be sterilized so you must use a condom with it if sharing with someone you are not fluid bonded with. I imagine that could be somewhat tricky due to the bullet that juts out of the side of this thing.

It is powered by 4 AAA batteries and goes WHUANG-WHUANG-WHUANG when it is activated. Not only are its gyrations somewhat comical, but they are LOUD too. And don’t think that having it in your vag will help. Doesn’t muffle the sound at all.

Mimi

I did not like my first experience with a rabbit vibrator (Rockin’ Robin), in fact I hated it, but I decided not long after beginning our review site that I’d keep trying them to see if one could do it for me. The Thumbelina is not the one, if such a rabbit vibrator exists.

Simply, it does not hit my g-spot unless I tilt it in such a way that my clit is neglected and vice versa for my clit. The clit normally wins because it feels better and I’m more likely to orgasm, but even still the vibration lacks enough oomph to push me beyond warm up. And obviously why bother with a toy designed to stimulate my g-spot and my clit to only (sort of) stimulate one of them? To that, I say pshaw.

Although it would be a fantastic luxury to be able to stimulate both with only one toy, it seems like a stretch in my mind. My body has special, specific needs for specific areas, shaped and sometimes inhibited by my own desires. Many women that I know function the same way. It’s one of the reasons why we buy bikinis as separates. Or why buying jeans is NOT an easy task.

The best thing going for the Thumbelina is the vibration and rotation control panel. It’s very easy to maneuver while using the toy. It may be the only stand out thing about it, other than the unnecessarily loud noises it makes. As Joseph mentioned, the toy is loud – loud enough that you should not use it while someone is in the next room unless you have loud music playing. There is some bumpy texture on the surface of the Thumbelina, but it does little to make the toy more appealing.

Basically, I would not recommend the Thumbelina to anyone. Sad, but true.

The Naked Truth:

Intensity: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Volume: 5 out of 5 stars

Aesthetic design: 2 out of 5 stars

Versatility: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Ease of cleaning: 1 out of 5 stars

Overall: 2 out of 5 stars

The only good thing about this toy is that you can make it rave.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

The Fairy Mini Mini provided for review by My Pleasure

Mimi

I’ve been using a Hitachi Magic Wand for a few years now and although I am completely satisfied with it, I recognize that it has weaknesses, for some women more than others. It’s very large. It’s loud. It has a plug-in chord which limits its portability. Oh, and it looks like something your grandmother’s grandmother used to get off. It’s a fucking dinosaur. For Halloween I jokingly suggested to a friend that he dress as the Hitachi and chase his girlfriend around their apartment. Despite my love and devotion to the Hitachi, I know it’s a daunting and sometimes frustrating piece of machinery.

The Fairy Mini Wand is clearly someone’s attempt to improve on the design of the Hitachi. Most of the description on the packaging is Japanese – in fact I was a bit confused as to what exactly is the name of the toy, “Fairy minimini” or just “Fairy”? – but the product is self-explanatory. The Fairy Mini Wand is 7 ¼” x 1 ¼” and comes with two options for power; an AC adapter as well as a battery pack that plugs in to the base of the wand. The battery pack takes six AA batteries and has a long cord to attach to the wand. While the battery pack does effectively make the wand portable, it certainly does not make it discrete. It sounds like a dental drill or a little jet pack made for cats and small dogs. It’s actually louder and more distinct than the Hitachi.

One difference, which I find to be a real bonus, is the dial used to control speed. Much more allowance for specified control. This goes along well with the small diameter of the vibrating end because the user can control the speed and pinpoint the spot that needs attention.
I prefer the broader coverage that the Hitachi offers. I’m not exactly sure why, but my orgasms are always more intense with the Hitachi than the Fairy Mini. And I don’t argue with my orgasms. When you go 21 years without having an orgasm, you welcome them happily. You burn incense and slaughter goats in their honor. If your orgasms need less of a Thor’s hammer approach, then the Fairy Mini Wand might be a perfect balance.

The Fairy Mini Wand that we were sent came with two attachments. One of them is intended to broaden its application and it fits nicely around my clitoris. The only problems I can see with it are that 1.) it looks like a baby alien and 2.) it’s really flexible and when combined with the flexible neck of the Fairy Mini there is not a whole lot of pressure. The second attachment looks like the baby alien’s older brother and it’s pretty useless. The part meant to stimulate my clitoris was a little too short and way too pointy to be appreciated. The part meant to stimulate me vaginally was… boring.

I like the Fairy Mini Wand just fine without its attachments. I can use it during sex easily and in the event that I want (or Joseph wants to) delay clitoral orgasm it works perfectly. And that’s not veiled criticism. Sometimes we really don’t want me to have an orgasm quickly so that there can be a more gradual, torturous build up toward orgasm. Or I need to give my g-spot a lot more attention so that I can squirt.

Basically, if you want to pick one – a Hitachi Magic Wand or a Fairy Mini Wand – it will probably depend more on your individuals needs than on one toy simply being better than another. Both are excellent vibrators.

Joseph

When unboxing the Fairy whateveritiscalled I had high hopes for failure.
The box is covered in mostly covered in Japanese and what little English there is doesn’t make a whole lot of sense: “Operate it easily with one hand. The size that the world minimum is compact.” (Mimi and I want that last part on a T-shirt.)

Hilariously bad translation alone does not mean a product will be low quality. However, the Fairy looks kinda cheap, the one that was sent to us has something audibly rolling around inside, and the attachments look…well…silly. So I thought that would be one of those products that is funny to use and fun to bash in the review. Then I turned it on.

The high pitched and high intensity buzz that this tiny thing produced changed my mind almost instantly. I got really excited and couldn’t wait for Mimi to try it. I sensed a throw down between the Hitachi and the Fairy coming on. I heard it all in my head:

Hitachi: “You stay away from Mimi’s vag!”

Fairy: “You tell Mimi’s vag to stay away from me! You think your fat ass
can compete with this?”

Hitachi: “You did not just call me fat! Come ‘ere you little bitch!”

From there it is just a cat fight mess of cord-pulling and name-calling.

Odd daydreams aside, I really thought this unlikely newcomer might give the Hitachi a run for its money once Mimi got to test it out. Now obviously (as you have already read) it did not take the Hitachi’s place in her heart, but it is certainly not a piece of junk like I originally thought. For women with different sensibilities than my lovely wife’s, it could easily be the champ.

One final note; the product’s name does appear to be the Fairy Mini Mini and it has two Minis because it is two sizes smaller than the original Fairy Massage Wand from Japan. I cannot find an example of the original but if this monster is the “mini” then I can see why there is a need for a Mini Mini.

The Naked Truth:

Intensity: 

Volume: 5 out of 5 stars

Aesthetic design: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Versatility: 4 out of 5 stars (there are attachments available)

Ease of cleaning: 

Overall:  (if you live alone) 4 out of 5 stars (if you live with a non-partner)

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Lelo Gigi provided by Tabu Toys

Mimi

My first experience with ejaculation occurred a few years ago and it was a complete surprise. I bent over and smelled the large stain on my bed to make sure I hadn’t peed myself. The whole time I was laughing – it didn’t even matter what happened. It was all too funny. And I didn’t concern myself much with it because, as far as I could remember, I hadn’t deviated much from my normal masturbation routine. So it was a fluke, as far as I could tell. Also, it wasn’t an earth-shattering experience. It was just a really funny, messy one.

In the past few months I’ve become much more interested in female ejaculation, partially from my own curiosity and partially on account of being a sex toy reviewer. I have duties, after all. It seems like squirting all over my bed is one of those duties.

As soon as I saw the Gigi, I wanted it. I’m a sucker for lovely objects. I bought a “fancy”, expensive bicycle once because I thought it was beautiful, without knowing anything else about the bicycle. Even after reading the less-than-glowing reviews for Gigi, I was committed to introducing it to my g-spot.

When Joseph told me we’d be receiving a Gigi, I squealed like a pre-teen meeting the Jonas Brothers at a concert. Some of the girlish enthusiasm subsided a bit (um, I was in Getting Married Oh Fuck mode), but when Gigi came I was still thoroughly excited. It’s truly an exquisite looking toy. It comes in a black gift box with “LELO” centered on the lid, carefully contained in a black hard plastic molded to fit the Gigi perfectly. Below the hard plastic you’ll find a white satin pouch (to keep the Gigi in if you get rid of the box), a charger, manual, and 1-year warranty.

The first time was a bit ho-hum as I went through each setting and tested the intensity, but nevertheless I immediately observed parts of the toy I found appealing. For one thing, Gigi locks so it will not ever start up unless you want it to and that’s quite nice. Secondly, it’s quiet, even on the higher settings. Third, the placement of the control pad forces me to rather awkwardly hold the Gigi, but it makes it really easy to change the settings whenever I want. And really, you get used to holding it differently. Fourth, it’s hard so it could offer the kind of pressure I wanted against my g-spot.

My only complaint about the toy is the high pitch hum that occurs on the two lowest settings. Grating, really. Thankfully, I didn’t need to use those settings much at all. I could see some women taking issue with the size of the Gigi, which is only 6.5″ x 1.4″, so you don’t have a whole lot of room for maneuvering.

After a few sessions with the toy – which holds a charge really well, by the way – I am pleased to report that I successfully ejaculated every time. Pleased mostly because it was an interesting/amusing/”special” experience – only twice did I actually feel physically better because of it. My point is that, similar to the Fun Wand, don’t set yourself up with this goal to make a big damn mess in bed. Go ahead and put a towel or two down, but then forget about it. Close your eyes and move in the way that feels right at the time. Your g-spot more than likely needs a lot of exclusive attention, so offer that attention and see what happens.

It might sound creepy, but I really enjoy opening the box, running a finger along the silky Deep Rose silicone, and closing the box. It’s still, first and foremost, a great looking toy no matter what anyone says about its size or the control pad. Whether or not it’s more than an attractive piece of machinery depends on your individual needs. My needs have been met. And met. And met. And met some more.

Joseph

I admit that even though I don’t have a G-spot for the Gigi’s lovely Deep Rose head to stimulate, I was rather excited about receiving it. Thus far, this is the geekiest sex toy that we have had the chance to review. Right out of the box it looks and feels more like something that Steve Jobs would be touting than something intended to go inside one’s vagina. I dream of a day when those two are the same.

It has a multi-function LED indicator light, a wonderful rechargeable battery, and the controls are buttons in the shape of a wheel. Sound familiar? Judging by the aesthetic design, it may as well be call the iSquirt.

In addition to looking like something you would pay too much for at Best Buy, it has five pre-programmed vibration settings as well as user controlled intensity. That means you can have any of the five vibrate at pretty much any speed that you want. That’s cool.

Because of the width of the base, it is extremely easy to use on someone else. The button wheel does not get in the way at all while rhythmically pushing it in and out. It would not hurt if it were a little longer as that would make it easier to hold on to.

Until a manufacturer makes a male sex toy this cool I will continue to secretly pine for a vagina of my very own.

The Naked Truth:

Intensity: 5 out of 5 stars

Volume: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Aesthetic design: 5 out of 5 stars

Versatility: 4 out of 5 stars

Ease of cleaning: 4 out of 5 stars

Overall: 5 out of 5 stars

The Gigi’s only drawback: LOTS of dirty towels.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Divine Vibrator provided by Babeland

Joseph

The Divine Vibe by Doc. Johnson is somewhat less than divine. Or at least, that what it seems like from my perspective.

That’s the thing, my perspective, as one without a vagina is somewhat limited about things like g-spot stimulators and vibrators meant to be inserted into said non-existent vagina. Therefore, I’ll just break down the dimensions and logistics of this bad mama jama.

The Divine Vibe is an 8” x 1 ¾” variable speed vibrator that has a curvature intended to stimulate the G-spot internally. It is made of ABS (the same stuff as Lego blocks) plastic which is a durable and recyclable plastic made comprised of a mix of elastomer, rubber, and hard plastic. ABS will dissolve when exposed to acetone, so no harsh cleaners.

The vibe comes in two colors, “Yin and Yang” (read: Black and White to the non-marketing goon) and is packaged in a mostly clear plastic container that says “Harmony” for reasons we cannot discern.  It takes two AAA batteries which are not included and has a single button to control the speeds (low, medium, high). I feel kind of silly because it seems like I should be able to figure this out, but there is a symbol on the box and the bottom to the vibe that confuses me. It is a trashcan with a big X over it. I guess this means that this toy must not be thrown away…so….what should you do with it when you are finished getting in sync with your inner core? This? Really, click on that link. It is worth it.

As far as using it on someone, it is pretty easy on the hand. The big, bulbous base makes it very easy to grip and maneuver and the ABS keeps the temp nice and slightly cool.

Because if you don’t “close cap tightly” bad things could happen.

Mimi

Let me just start by saying that I have an odd relationship with g-spot vibrating toys. I tend to dislike them. (I’ll write more about this for our upcoming Lelo Gigi review.) Still, I am open to experimentation and Doc. Johnson’s Divine Vibe could be used in various other ways, so I decided to give it a try.

I received the Yin (black) Doc. Johnson’s Divine Vibe and after pressing the button down toward the battery compartment three times to feel the three different settings, I was pretty convinced that I might actually have a clitoral orgasm with this toy. The low and middle setting are worthy yet the highest setting is the one I used the most.

It didn’t happen. I tried on several occasions, and although it felt good, it didn’t feel close to good enough. I ended up pulling out my Hitachi every time.

We decided that Joseph should use it on me while I use the Hitachi to see how it feels inside me as well as handled by another person.

That was a whole lot of vibrating.

Due to the width and shape of the Divine Vibe, I felt rather “full” while it was inside me. Eventually I had a clitoral orgasm, which felt good. It was a slow burn.

Then I went to wash the Divine Vibe and realized there is a tiny crevice between the “head” of the vibrator and those three ridges in the center. This tiny crevice is a collector, and it is hard to clean. At least it’s waterproof and you can submerge and scrub to your heart’s content. Maybe you don’t care about something as tiny as that crevice.

Maybe you should go masturbate with some Legos then. At least you could build cool shit afterwards.

As I mentioned, it is waterproof and it functions really well as a vibrator that lives in the bathroom and is used on my clit occasionally in the shower as a warm-up. And it does feel great in that capacity. It teases while stimulating because you need more, and that’s where other toys or partners come in. Hopefully.

Divine? More like Pretty Good to Have Around.

The Naked Truth:

Intensity: 4 out of 5 stars

Volume: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Aesthetic design: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Versatility: 3 out of 5 stars

Ease of cleaning: 2 out of 5 stars

Overall: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Jesus: Yo, B! Who the hell is this lumpy fool?

Buddha: I dunno, but he a jive-ass sucka!

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Mimi

The Hitachi Magic Wand (referred to from now on as Hitachi) is not, I repeat, not an attractive sex toy. It looks like something you find in a box under your grandma’s bed after she has died, mildly discolored and thinly covered with dust, leaving you to ask yourself a million times, “Did I touch it?” It’s big (head is 2-1/2” diameter), long (12”), has a cord, and the coloration is reminiscent of terms like “gynecologist” and “PTA”.

You get the point. No offence moms out there who love having orgasms and going to PTA meetings, but I think we can agree those two subjects don’t exactly go hand-in-hand at the same time.

If my ex-boyfriend hadn’t purchased it for me as a gift a little over two years ago, I probably would not have ever experienced this vibrator. Although it’s cheaper than a lot of other electric vibrators on the market at $54, it’s just not as sleek and sexy and would therefore be passed up. It’s not the toy you want to brag to your girlfriends about. It’s not the toy you want to whip out of the drawer and use with your new boyfriend.

All of that said, I love my Hitachi.

Yes, it’s intense. It only has two settings – high and higher. For some women, this might be a real problem because it can be painful or distracting. Just like any other sex toy, you have to figure out how to make it work for you. I don’t ever use the Hitachi directly on my clit but rather above it or below it, and I rarely ever use the higher setting. (Or the Desperation setting, as I affectionately think of it.) I still have really intense orgasms, especially with a g-spot stimulating dildo like my Fun Wand.

(Together, it’s Magic Fun. Get it?)

At first the cord is really a turn off, but unless you’re ridiculously clumsy and/or lacking a sense of humor, the cord is never going to be a significant concern. When your other vibrator’s batteries are dead and you somehow managed to forget to buy more, your trusty plug-in Hitachi will be there. (True story. It happened to me.) Also, as I mentioned before, I’ve had this vibrator for over two years. Two years of frequent use, of my writhing and twisting and squeezing. R-e-l-i-a-b-l-e.

So how is it with a friend? Well, Joseph laughed quite a lot when he first saw my Hitachi, but jokes were quickly put aside once the relatively loud buzz of the Hitachi started, corresponding with moans and my thighs crushing the hand he naively entrusted to my nether regions. I’ve been crushing him ever since… so to speak.

It seems like the Hitachi is a vibrator that women either swear their life by or they can’t imagine why everyone else is so in love with it. I’ve heard both stories, I’m sticking to mine. I love it and when it someday dies on me, to hell with groceries for a couple weeks, my Hitachi will be replaced.

Joseph

When I saw the Hitachi Magic Wand in her toy chest for the first time I though “Holy fuck! How does she fit that inside of her and why does she want to continue having sex with humans if she likes that size?” How silly I was.

That was before I had any experience with sex toys. Obviously I was not familiar with the concept of a vibrator that does not go inside. Quickly I became well acquainted with the Hitachi and it’s proper usage.

It is my understanding that it is too powerful for most to use directly on the clitoris, it is much better suited for proximity stimulation. Placed above or below the clit, this thing vibrates a woman’s whole pelvis and sends Mimi screaming to heaven within a few minutes. Sturdy, wired, powerful, and ugly as hell, the Hitachi Magic Wand is the shotgun of vibrators. Just get close and it will do its job.

A sign of a great product is when you cannot think of life without it. The Hitachi has become of those products for us. It is more than just an accessory to Mimi. It is a regular part of her sex life. The intensity of the orgasms that she has while using the Hitachi are unparalleled (watch the video) and she requires the kind of stimulation that it provides in order to reach them.

From my perspective, it is an awesome part of our sex lives. It is approachable (since I got over my misconceptions) because of how ludicrous it looks and sounds, it does not require me to buy more batteries every few months, and most importantly, it makes it relatively easy for me to help her have earth (and eardrum) shattering orgasms. I just lend a finger (or two) to her G-spot and enjoy the show.

I’ve heard that female sex toys threaten some men. That’s just stupid. Sex toys are a way for people to find out specifically what they like and how they like it. Some things that sex toys do are physically impossible for a human to do. For example, I could never, ever stimulate a clitoris as quickly or as intensely as the Hitachi Magic Wand. It is just not possible. I know that some guys have a “I have to make her cum” complex, but mine is closer to a “she has to enjoy the experience” complex. Sometimes, for her to fully enjoy the experience (or cum, if you must) she needs stimulation at a rate that I cannot achieve, so I reach for the Hitachi. It is a tool, a means to an end, and it is bad ass at what it does.

It is portable… just like Zack Morris’s cell phone

The Naked Truth:

Intensity: 5 out of 5 stars

Volume: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Aesthetic design: 3 out of 5 stars

Versatility: 3.5 out of 5 stars (there are attachments available)

Ease of cleaning: 5 out of 5 stars

Overall: 5 out of 5 stars

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!