Inflatable Tilt Master provided for review by Tabu Toys.

Joseph

This product is stupid. And ridiculous. And it almost killed me and Mimi. I almost died while trying to blow the damn thing up and Mimi had a little mishap the first time she tried to sit on it. Actually, that was pretty funny. Don’t take my word for it, watch the video.*

The Inflatable Tilt Master is part of Pipedream’s Fetish Fantasy Series. So far, my favorite part of the Fetish Fantasy Series is that every single part of the series seems to come with a free cheap mask. That means that either they don’t think that anyone will buy more than one of the series or that they subscribe to the philosophy that you can never have too many cheap blindfolds. I believe the former is more realistic.

This particular installation of the series is a large inflatable Pac-Man with handles on the side. The idea is that this will make getting it on easier because of the rocking motion. In our experience, it makes getting it on significantly more difficult because of its supreme instability. It is hard to sit on this thing comfortably, much less have sex on it.

We tried several positions on it (we tried to mimic the positions on the box) and could not get into a good rhythm in any of them. I suppose there is the possibility that we suck at making sex positions work, but I can think of a several occasions that would cast doubt on that idea.

Unlike the Pleasure Pad, this wasn’t even good in theory. It just should not be.

I sincerely hope that all of Pipe Dream’s sex toys are as silly and poorly thought out as the two that we have had the chance to review. While the product testing can be less…exciting to review than it is with some of the other products we get it is certainly more fun with a lot more giggling involved. Now, you may say that giggling has no place in sex-toy review. That would be because you’re a big wrong-head.

These products (the horrible ones) are a huge part of what makes our job fun.

Mimi

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m clumsy, goofy, and prone to ridiculousness. So although it’s entirely fair to consider that maybe the Inflatable Tilt Master caused me to tilt, tip, fall over, flip, and flail simply because of my own character “flaws”, it’s much more likely that objects such as the Inflatable Tilt Master only make matters worse.  Why? Well, Joseph fell over and had difficulty getting up, too. I just didn’t manage to grab a camera in time. And Joseph is not nearly as clumsy as me.

Even with Joseph’s guiding presence, sex was totally lacking in any wow moments of any kind. There’s no leverage at all. We ended up laughing (and frustrated), tossing the Inflatable Tilt Master aside and getting down and dirty the ol’ fashioned way. Much better.  The warm up was nice – and funny, certainly – but we’ll move onto the real sex. Thanks.

Aside from the technical complications that come up from attempting to have sex on top of a black slightly elongated beach ball with a slice cut out of it, there’s also the strange fake crushed velvet texture of the Inflatable Tilt Master that I am not convinced can be cleaned effectively or conveniently.

Instead of continuing to beat the horse, especially since I am opposed to beating horses in the first place, I’m going to quit now and get to the point – the Inflatable Tilt Master is in no way helpful to your sexual exploits. Ever. Unless you’re into fighting each other with inflatable objects, and really, if that’s what you’re into then go to K-Mart during their end of summer sale and buy a big, plastic shark or a turtle or something. That would be more impressive.

The Naked Truth

Convenience:

Usefulness:

Aesthetic appeal:

Ease of cleaning:

Overall:

The box doesn’t make getting up easier, let me tell you.

* The video we are referring to does not seem to be working on Vimeo or YouTube, so we think there might be something wrong with the file itself. We’ll keep trying to work something out, but if we cannot manage it within a reasonable amount of time, then there will simply be no video. Sad, I know. Thanks for your patience.  - MGMT

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

FYN Adult Toybox provided for review by Tabu Toys

Joseph

The Adult Toybox is a 12” wide x 9” deep purple faux leather hard zippered case to hold sex toys in. It has fabric pocket on the back and an elastic strap sewn down in various places so that you can suspend things of different sizes from the top of the case. Things like condoms or sampler packs of lube or bullet vibes or small candles or butt plugs or…well, you get the idea.

Included with the case is a tiny lock for keeping people from “accidentally” discovering your oh-so-naughty box of pleasure. That must be what the lock is intended for because that is really all that it is good for. It is the kind of tiny suitcase lock that airport security will snap off to search your bags if they see fit. The lock does, however, have the logo for the company that makes the case. As do the zipper pulls and a tag on the inside…and a tag that was attached when it came. For Your Nymphomation certainly doesn’t want you to forget where you bought it. Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with building a brand identity. Hell, we are trying to do it ourselves.

The tag also tells me that it was made in China. Whoever made it in China did a bang-up job. The case feels sturdy and appears to be well made. When I read that it was faux leather and purple no less, I expected it to be ugly as hell. Despite my trepidation, the Adult Toybox has a certain amount of class, a certain j’ne sais pas. It is large enough to hold quite a few of our toys and eased our overburdened drawer and it is fun to open it up and see our toys neatly splayed at my fingertips.

Mimi

I’m a bit obsessive when it comes to organization. It’s within my nature to continually assess and reassess a space and my possessions to see if the organization can be improved. When you’re short on space and funds, it becomes an art form.

Our bedside toy drawer was organized pretty well, but then seemingly overnight the space went from a bit disheveled to The Fucking Drawer Will Not Fucking Close And I Cannot Fucking Find the Lube I Want And For Serious Where The Fuck Is My Gigi?!?!?! – obviously, this was not efficient. One does not want to have to empty out half of the drawer just to find one item. Or curse so much. Or say, “for serious” in a serious manner.

Our needs were simple. We need a case for sex toys. This toy case needs to fit underneath the bed because we have no extra closet space. Great suggestions were offered to us in regards to toy organization, but they won’t fit under the bed. Major drawback.

The For Your Nymphomation Adult Toybox meets our needs perfectly, but it also does so stylishly, which appeases my inner princess. And my outer hostess. Let me explain – the friends who stayed in our apartment before the wedding know about our website and they’re very supportive of our decision (hooray for good friends) so if they found a clear plastic container full of dildos, they’d probably just laugh hysterically. However, there are occasions when such a discovery would not be treated similarly, such as when my landlord comes over. It’s nice to know my toys are safe, organized, and hidden inside of a sexy little purple case.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics:

Practicality:

Discretion:

Capacity:

Overall:

Now what will we put in that drawer?

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Lelo Gigi provided by Tabu Toys

Mimi

My first experience with ejaculation occurred a few years ago and it was a complete surprise. I bent over and smelled the large stain on my bed to make sure I hadn’t peed myself. The whole time I was laughing – it didn’t even matter what happened. It was all too funny. And I didn’t concern myself much with it because, as far as I could remember, I hadn’t deviated much from my normal masturbation routine. So it was a fluke, as far as I could tell. Also, it wasn’t an earth-shattering experience. It was just a really funny, messy one.

In the past few months I’ve become much more interested in female ejaculation, partially from my own curiosity and partially on account of being a sex toy reviewer. I have duties, after all. It seems like squirting all over my bed is one of those duties.

As soon as I saw the Gigi, I wanted it. I’m a sucker for lovely objects. I bought a “fancy”, expensive bicycle once because I thought it was beautiful, without knowing anything else about the bicycle. Even after reading the less-than-glowing reviews for Gigi, I was committed to introducing it to my g-spot.

When Joseph told me we’d be receiving a Gigi, I squealed like a pre-teen meeting the Jonas Brothers at a concert. Some of the girlish enthusiasm subsided a bit (um, I was in Getting Married Oh Fuck mode), but when Gigi came I was still thoroughly excited. It’s truly an exquisite looking toy. It comes in a black gift box with “LELO” centered on the lid, carefully contained in a black hard plastic molded to fit the Gigi perfectly. Below the hard plastic you’ll find a white satin pouch (to keep the Gigi in if you get rid of the box), a charger, manual, and 1-year warranty.

The first time was a bit ho-hum as I went through each setting and tested the intensity, but nevertheless I immediately observed parts of the toy I found appealing. For one thing, Gigi locks so it will not ever start up unless you want it to and that’s quite nice. Secondly, it’s quiet, even on the higher settings. Third, the placement of the control pad forces me to rather awkwardly hold the Gigi, but it makes it really easy to change the settings whenever I want. And really, you get used to holding it differently. Fourth, it’s hard so it could offer the kind of pressure I wanted against my g-spot.

My only complaint about the toy is the high pitch hum that occurs on the two lowest settings. Grating, really. Thankfully, I didn’t need to use those settings much at all. I could see some women taking issue with the size of the Gigi, which is only 6.5″ x 1.4″, so you don’t have a whole lot of room for maneuvering.

After a few sessions with the toy – which holds a charge really well, by the way – I am pleased to report that I successfully ejaculated every time. Pleased mostly because it was an interesting/amusing/”special” experience – only twice did I actually feel physically better because of it. My point is that, similar to the Fun Wand, don’t set yourself up with this goal to make a big damn mess in bed. Go ahead and put a towel or two down, but then forget about it. Close your eyes and move in the way that feels right at the time. Your g-spot more than likely needs a lot of exclusive attention, so offer that attention and see what happens.

It might sound creepy, but I really enjoy opening the box, running a finger along the silky Deep Rose silicone, and closing the box. It’s still, first and foremost, a great looking toy no matter what anyone says about its size or the control pad. Whether or not it’s more than an attractive piece of machinery depends on your individual needs. My needs have been met. And met. And met. And met some more.

Joseph

I admit that even though I don’t have a G-spot for the Gigi’s lovely Deep Rose head to stimulate, I was rather excited about receiving it. Thus far, this is the geekiest sex toy that we have had the chance to review. Right out of the box it looks and feels more like something that Steve Jobs would be touting than something intended to go inside one’s vagina. I dream of a day when those two are the same.

It has a multi-function LED indicator light, a wonderful rechargeable battery, and the controls are buttons in the shape of a wheel. Sound familiar? Judging by the aesthetic design, it may as well be call the iSquirt.

In addition to looking like something you would pay too much for at Best Buy, it has five pre-programmed vibration settings as well as user controlled intensity. That means you can have any of the five vibrate at pretty much any speed that you want. That’s cool.

Because of the width of the base, it is extremely easy to use on someone else. The button wheel does not get in the way at all while rhythmically pushing it in and out. It would not hurt if it were a little longer as that would make it easier to hold on to.

Until a manufacturer makes a male sex toy this cool I will continue to secretly pine for a vagina of my very own.

The Naked Truth:

Intensity:

Volume:

Aesthetic design:

Versatility:

Ease of cleaning:

Overall:

The Gigi’s only drawback: LOTS of dirty towels.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!