Xtreme Pack Mini G-Spot Bullet provided for review by Tabu Toys

Mimi

The Xtreme Pack Mimi G-spot Bullet is a brightly coloured green and purple with flashing red lights, a toy reminiscent of a handheld video game system, minus the PEW-PEW shooting noise. It really does seem like a toy.

But the Xtreme Pack means business. The 2.25″ x 1″ bullet vibrator plugs into a plastic and rubber controller with buttons to increase intensity, change the setting, or turn it off. As you increase the intensity, red lights appear or disappear in a crescent across the controller. The controller is pretty easy and straight-forward. You can handily rest it on your chest while masturbating, changing the settings periodically with ease. The bullet itself is designed with a curve at the end to stimulate the g-spot, but it also works well for stimulating the clit. It takes two AA batteries, which are not included.

I didn’t really enjoy it inside me, regardless of the setting or intensity. It just felt like my pelvis was vibrating and I really didn’t feel like it was assisting me in any way. Most of its use has been external, against my clit. I varied my use between the tip and the wider backside of the bullet. If you’ve never used a bullet vibrator before, you should know that as you are holding the bullet, you can feel all of the vibration in your fingers. As you make the bullet vibrate more intensely, the sensation may become distracting in your fingers. Some women experience this, some women don’t or they get used to it. At first it irritated me (as it does with every new bullet I try), but eventually I got used to it.

Although I did not reach orgasm on even the highest setting, I do believe that if I were not on medication at this time, it would have been more likely to happen. Or if I wasn’t so stressed out. In other words, if your body is not giving you the silent treatment like mine is, you’d probably get more out of the Xtreme Pack. Due to the fact that this vibrator takes AA batteries, its intensity and power can only reach so high. It does not compare to a plug-in or a rechargeable vibrator. So even though it calls itself “Xtreme”, it’s really not. The Xtreme Pack is kind of in a grey area for me, a middle ground where I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it either and it therefore becomes best explained with a shrug.

What you can’t see is that those lights blink like an epileptic nightmare.

Joseph

I have no problem with the concept or actual use of this product. A G-spot bullet on a long cord attached to a very easy to use control panel. It has 5 speed and 7 settings. That’s cool. It is pretty powerful for what it is and the materials are not great but they are not awful.  There is not really anything inherently wrong with this product. However….

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE COLOR CHOICES AND THE NAME? Xtreme Pack G-spot Bullet? Seriously? What makes it xtreme (extreme even) and why is it neon green and purple. Is the target market 12 year old boys?

The confounding color choices, the name, and the fact that the package claims that this product has a “soft rubber cote” leads me to believe that  the marketing people were drunk when they approved this one. Or maybe they had been watching too many Mountain Dew commercials…

Hey Joseph, what’s a cote?

That’s a very good question. I’ll tell ya what a cote is. A small shelter for domestic animals (as sheep or pigeons). Yep. Don’t believe me? Look.

I could understand this screw up if the producer was a Japanese sex toy company. They have a notioursly hard time translating. Guess who the manufacturer is. Freaking Cal Exotics. From California.

I’ll wrap this post up with a call to action.

Why not write Cal Exotics and ask them how they managed to cover your sex toy with a soft rubber shelter for domestic animals?

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics:

Intensity: 

Volume:

Ease of Cleaning:

Functionality:

Overall:

So EXTREME they had to remove the first E from Mimi & Joseph on Vimeo.

The Fleshlight Ice provided for review by Tabu Toys

Joseph

The Fleshlight Ice is a modern wonder of fake vagina technology. It is by far the best non-animate thing that I’ve ever had the pleasure of sticking my dick in. It is one of the many variations on the original Fleshlight.

If you’re reading this, I assume that you are familiar with what a Fleshlight is. If not, head on over to their website and browse around a bit. I guess if you’re too lazy for that, I’ll explain. To oversimplify, it is a tube made of Superskin (which feels much like super soft silicone) housed inside a hard plastic case.

The Fleshlight Ice is a variation on the original that is clear. The idea there is that you can see your wang move in and out of the sleeve. It is actually kinda cool.

One of the features of the Fleshlight is the variation available for the inside of the sleeve. Again, if you’re interested you can learn more about this on the Fleshlight website. The particular model that we were sent has the “speed bump” interior which has hundreds of soft beads lining the inside of the sleeve.

The Fleshlight arrives powdered and the instructions inform you that you can re-powder it with corn starch to achieve a silky smooth feeling. This is a bit perplexing to me because the instructions also recommend that you soak the sleeve in hot water until it is comfortably warm…which washes off all the powder. That’s just a waste of corn starch.

Without powder, the sleeve is hella sticky. This can be somewhat unpleasant and annoying when taking it out of the case or trying to put it back in. It will stick to the inside of the case and bunch up in an obnoxious manner if you’re not careful. Replacing the sleeve can feel a bit like Operation. Thankfully it does not make that god awful buzzing noise when you mess up.

The stickiness is not really an issue when you are using the Fleshlight though. This is because of that wonderful and indispensible substance known as lube. Seeing as the Fleshlight does not produce its own lubrication, it is necessary to lube yourself or the sleeve before use.

When properly lubed, it feels freaking fantastic. The hard outer case serves to keep the canal of the sleeve nice and tight while in use and there is an adjustable valve at the end that allows you to restrict the airflow which causes various levels of suction. The case is also useful because it allows you to cram the Fleshlight into things for hands free use. They sell furniture with Fleshlight sized holes in them (which I imagine are quite the conversational piece) but I’ve found that stuffing it in between the mattress and box springs works just fine.

The only real problem that I have with the way it feels is that the speed bumps make the sensation so intense that it is over rather quickly. Yup, it makes me come really quickly. I suppose that it could be argued that the whole point of a masturbation sleeve is to make you come but the buildup is a big part of the fun. It is no coincidence that this model is the one that they sell as a stamina builder.

After you’re done building your stamina comes the cleaning. You need to take the sleeve out of the case, wash the come out of it, let it dry and then put it back in the case. Easy, right? No.

The washing out part is pretty simple but the drying is quite the pain in the ass. You have to let it sit for at least a couple of hours and then turn it inside out and repeat. I know, letting something sit is not that hard, but take into consideration that you have to leave this giant translucent slug out in the open for a minimum of four hours. Not very discrete.

Cleaning issues aside, this is hands down the best masturbation sleeve that I’ve encountered. Cleaning issues considered, it only very narrowly passes the almighty Is It Worth It test but it does pass the test.

Lookit them bumps!

Mimi

I know that some people turn masturbation sleeves into a partnered event, but I’m not really inclined to do that. I’m likely to get distracted and start blowing him instead or giggling or thinking about egg salad. (Every now and then I crave… things.) Now that I’ve loosely explained my cognitive and psychological deficiencies, I’m sure it’s unnecessary for me to elaborate extensively on the fact that there isn’t much I can say about the Fleshlight Ice. Since Joseph won’t let me say HUZZAH and be done with it, I will add a few little notes from my perspective:

Fleshlight Ice is pretty classy looking as far as masturbation sleeves go; in fact, I’m the one who wanted it for him and it wasn’t my sadism kicking in, either. Had I not selected it for him and I were to find it drying in the bathroom, I would not be disgusted. Amused, yes. Wondering how often he masturbates, yes. Fingering it, yes. Trying to come up with an appropriate chick name for it, yes. Inclined to throw it at a wall near his head and laugh as it sticks for a moment before sliding down, yes. Disgust or shame does not enter the equation anywhere.

Oh, and you will definitely find it in the bathroom unless there’s a special section in a cabinet that it can dry in. A little Fleshlight Ice loft, so to speak. It takes a while to dry thoroughly and unless you think mildew is sexy, you need to give it enough time. Depending on how often you masturbate… well, you get me. Planning may be involved. If family is coming over for dinner, maybe you should wait for your little rendezvous with the Fleshlight Ice until the coast is clear.

Based on what I’ve read, the Fleshlight Ice is worth every dime because not only does it feel fantastic, it’s also made with quality materials that will last a long time provided that this luxury toy is cared for properly. In sum, it is a pretty swank sex toy.

HUZZAH!

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics:

Ease of Cleaning:

Intensity:

Functionality:

Overall:

Inflatable Tilt Master provided for review by Tabu Toys.

Joseph

This product is stupid. And ridiculous. And it almost killed me and Mimi. I almost died while trying to blow the damn thing up and Mimi had a little mishap the first time she tried to sit on it. Actually, that was pretty funny. Don’t take my word for it, watch the video.*

The Inflatable Tilt Master is part of Pipedream’s Fetish Fantasy Series. So far, my favorite part of the Fetish Fantasy Series is that every single part of the series seems to come with a free cheap mask. That means that either they don’t think that anyone will buy more than one of the series or that they subscribe to the philosophy that you can never have too many cheap blindfolds. I believe the former is more realistic.

This particular installation of the series is a large inflatable Pac-Man with handles on the side. The idea is that this will make getting it on easier because of the rocking motion. In our experience, it makes getting it on significantly more difficult because of its supreme instability. It is hard to sit on this thing comfortably, much less have sex on it.

We tried several positions on it (we tried to mimic the positions on the box) and could not get into a good rhythm in any of them. I suppose there is the possibility that we suck at making sex positions work, but I can think of a several occasions that would cast doubt on that idea.

Unlike the Pleasure Pad, this wasn’t even good in theory. It just should not be.

I sincerely hope that all of Pipe Dream’s sex toys are as silly and poorly thought out as the two that we have had the chance to review. While the product testing can be less…exciting to review than it is with some of the other products we get it is certainly more fun with a lot more giggling involved. Now, you may say that giggling has no place in sex-toy review. That would be because you’re a big wrong-head.

These products (the horrible ones) are a huge part of what makes our job fun.

Mimi

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m clumsy, goofy, and prone to ridiculousness. So although it’s entirely fair to consider that maybe the Inflatable Tilt Master caused me to tilt, tip, fall over, flip, and flail simply because of my own character “flaws”, it’s much more likely that objects such as the Inflatable Tilt Master only make matters worse.  Why? Well, Joseph fell over and had difficulty getting up, too. I just didn’t manage to grab a camera in time. And Joseph is not nearly as clumsy as me.

Even with Joseph’s guiding presence, sex was totally lacking in any wow moments of any kind. There’s no leverage at all. We ended up laughing (and frustrated), tossing the Inflatable Tilt Master aside and getting down and dirty the ol’ fashioned way. Much better.  The warm up was nice – and funny, certainly – but we’ll move onto the real sex. Thanks.

Aside from the technical complications that come up from attempting to have sex on top of a black slightly elongated beach ball with a slice cut out of it, there’s also the strange fake crushed velvet texture of the Inflatable Tilt Master that I am not convinced can be cleaned effectively or conveniently.

Instead of continuing to beat the horse, especially since I am opposed to beating horses in the first place, I’m going to quit now and get to the point – the Inflatable Tilt Master is in no way helpful to your sexual exploits. Ever. Unless you’re into fighting each other with inflatable objects, and really, if that’s what you’re into then go to K-Mart during their end of summer sale and buy a big, plastic shark or a turtle or something. That would be more impressive.

The Naked Truth

Convenience:

Usefulness:

Aesthetic appeal:

Ease of cleaning:

Overall:

The box doesn’t make getting up easier, let me tell you.

* The video we are referring to does not seem to be working on Vimeo or YouTube, so we think there might be something wrong with the file itself. We’ll keep trying to work something out, but if we cannot manage it within a reasonable amount of time, then there will simply be no video. Sad, I know. Thanks for your patience.  - MGMT