Basic Essentials Softee provided for review by Eden Fantasys

Joseph

Marketing Guy 1:
What do chicks love?

Marketing Guy 2:
My Dick!

MG 1 & 2:
WOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHH!

MG 1:
No seriously, though…they love pink…and….and….

MG 2:
My Dick!

MG 1:
Textures! Let’s make a vibrator that is pink and covered in texture of some kind.

MG 2:
But let’s make the texture removable so I can put it on My Dick!

MG 1:
Um..sure…

Expert tip for guys — don’t turn the sheath inside out and try to use it as a sleeve. Just don’t.

And they made it in China cause it is cheaper and put “SOLD AS NOVELTY ONLY…This product is intended for use as a novelty product only. For external use only.” Yep. It is a vibrating dildo that is not meant for internal use.

Ok, so that endearing disclaimer aside, let’s talk material. The outer sheath is made of TPR which is pretty easy to clean (assuming it doesn’t have a million little bumps all over it) but can not be disinfected. The vibrator itself is ABS, a mix between elstomer, rubber and hard plastic. Same story there, easily cleaned but impossible to disinfect. It is, however recyclable (probably not with the motor in it, though).

The Basic Essentials Softee takes one AA battery and has an adjustable speed dial at the base to control the speed of vibration. It is water proof and oh-so-pink.

Don’t buy it.

Mimi

When EdenFantasys offered the Basic Essentials Softee to us for review, I accepted the offer thinking our experience could go one of two ways –

1. It would be a simple toy that is surprisingly exciting and novel in its sensation.
2. It would be uncomfortable and oh so ho-hum.

After getting its soft, nubbed pink body out of the packaging, I immediately tested the dial-control for vibration range, intensity, and ease of use. I found it promising. Plus, there’s something about the physical sensation of turning a dial that I really enjoy. Don’t try to make sense of it. I’m just mentioning this because the dial turning may be the thing I like most about this toy.

(Oh yeah, it’s like that.)

Joseph removed the TPR shell – the nubby sleeve which reminds me of art history freshman year – exposing a much more simplistic, “traditional” vibrator beneath. Still pink. Still could go either way.

I could see being excited about the idea of having two toys in one, but really this is more like getting no toys at all. And then crying.

Why? Well….

Most of the intensity is in the “head”, which is smooth, not nubbed like the rest of it. I guessed the point of the nubbiness then was to stimulate the vulva in a new way. Guessed wrong. It feels like a lubricated gelatin mace is groping me.

Although the vibration did feel good, it wasn’t really strong enough to push me over the edge. So it might be good for some warm-up foreplay or orgasm control, but otherwise it’s a big fat disappointment.

While it was inside me I kept thinking, “This might feel good without those nubs.” It wasn’t painful, per se. It was just uncomfortable. Yes, I know – you can remove the nubby texture. The problem with the intensity is still present.

Since the Basic Essentials Softee has a removable sleeve and it’s waterproof, cleaning is easier than it would be if… say… there were no water in the world anywhere ever and you were dead. Okay, I’m exaggerating. However, it’s no exaggeration that cleaning the TPR nubby sleeve is a pain in the ass. In fact, considering the Basic Essentials Softee cannot be sterilized in any way, you may want to go ahead and use a condom with each use anyway. Voila! Clean-up is easier.

Or buying a different toy altogether. That might be easier.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics:

Intensity:

Volume:

Ease of Cleaning:

Functionality:

Overall:

(Bad) Dream of the Sex Toy Reviewer’s wife

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

So, after months of pussy-footing around, we finally have our first Guest Reviewers ready to post. As you may have read in our Guest Reviewers section, we are inviting Average Joes and Janes to become periodical reviewers for our site in an attempt to expand the dialog that occurs here. They will be writing reviews for products they receive for review, products they already own, and products or tools they have created. If you are interested in doing this, you should read the Guest Reviewer section before sending us an email. Of course, all questions are welcome.

Now, onto our new GR’s – Vita and Zinaida! They were our winners from our What Are You Thankful For? Contest in which they won an Under The Bed Restraint System. After writing back to us about their experience, we decided they’d be perfect Guest Reviewers! You can find out more about them (and check out their sexy pictures) by clicking on their linked names above.

Enjoy!

- Mimi & Joseph

Under the Bed Restraint System (its on SALE!) provided for review by Babeland

Vita

I have to admit, I’d been secretly wanting these for awhile. But they were always too expensive, and a college budget doesn’t leave much room for splurges, especially the kind that don’t involve McDonald’s and bookstores (it’s true, I’m an English major). Needless to say, having the Under the Bed Restraints delivered to my door near the end of finals week was about the greatest care package I’ve gotten during four years at school. Once school responsibilities were out of the way, we set up—or more accurately, Z set up—the restraints. My job was keeping the kitten away from the dangling strings.

Once set up (installed seems like too intense a word for the easy process), I got to be the guinea pig, which I have to admit is one of my favorite roles. We first had the restraints coming around the head and foot of the bed, but quickly realized that setup didn’t do much in the way of foot restraint. I could still move out to the side, in toward each other, and even slide my knees up a little. Z easily fixed that by putting the two lower restraints around the sides of the bed. That changed the whole dynamic for me; now my legs were pulled out to the sides with minimal chance of changing that. The feeling of vulnerability was a totally new sensation, and quickly erased the disappointment I’d had over the feet part of the restraints.

I wanted to take advantage of the fact that each cuff could unbuckle from the restraint, and Z didn’t really like the look of my hands up and out to my sides. We clipped both of the upper cuffs (though all four are interchangeable) to one restraint, and went for the classic arms over the head look. Both of us preferred this, though at the moment my feet were free and any pulling I did on the wrist restraints slid the entire system slightly; that would be easily fixed by feet counterbalancing the pull.

Z got sneaky and added a blindfold, which only made the entire experiment more fun. I loved the combination of restricted sight along with restricted movement. The restraint system was an easy setup and more than effective once we figured out how we wanted to use it; I think one of its great advantages is its customizability. It’s now resting under the bed with the cuffs and straps tucked in, away from the kitten and visitors, and I have no doubt that it will be pulled back out quite consistently from here on out.

Zinaida

When we got the Under the Bed Restraint System, I must say I was a little surprised by the size of the box it came in (hence the picture). I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I figured it would either be heftier or take up a lot more room.

Well, after trying this baby out, I can say that it doesn’t need heft to do the job.
I love putting things together and attaching pieces to other pieces, so I have to say that the building nerd in me was a little disappointed that it came all in one piece—no assembly required. That did, however, make it easier to quickly set up (and quickly try out). The only thing I needed to do was adjust the size of the middle connector strap so that it wasn’t too long for the length of the bed.

That is one of the great things about this system. Everything is adjustable: the connector strap in the middle, each of the four straps that go to the cuffs, and the cuffs themselves. If you ever carried a backpack and noticed how those straps adjust, this is the exactly the same (although the cuffs adjust by Velcro).

Everything in this system is black, and all the hardware is silver. All in all, it’s a rather classy piece to have lurking between your mattress and box spring.

Aesthetically, the one drawback is that the cuffs are made out of a type of felt material—not exactly hardcore when viewed up close, but V loved the way they felt. However, because everything is detachable, your own cuffs could be added with no problem. Functionally, the drawback is that if all four cuffs aren’t cuffed to something (say just her hands are, but her feet are free), then it was easy for her to shift the entire system by pulling.

Great things about this system: The coolness factor – I mean, seriously. This thing is pretty badass. The customizability – As V said, this system can morph and fit the need for a lot of different uses. And the storage – as long as I’m near the bed, it’s always close. The best part is I don’t have to put it away when we’re done with it. Huzzah!

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics:

Functionality:

Craftsmanship:

Ease of installation:

Discretion:

Safety:

Overall:

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

The Alumina Revolve provided for review by ProductEROTICA.com (their site seems to be down, but they really did send it to us.)

Mimi

When looking at the Alumina Revolve, in all of its shiny purple aluminum splendor, I suspected it might just be a nice looking toy with mediocre results. (Of course it looks good. It’s a Tantus product.) There are those sensual, smooth bulbs to consider, certainly, but it’s straight instead of curved, and curved toys tend to be the winners of my g-spot. I am pleased to announce that my initial suspicions were incorrect – the Alumina Revolve is a gorgeous double-sided dildo that performs as well as it looks.

The curved design is a preference of mine because it often makes accurate thrusting against my g-spot easier, for both myself and my lover. And if I want more pressure, I can easily push down on the end I’m holding, thus pushing the end inside up against my g-spot even harder. It’s perfect. The glory of the Alumina Revolve is that the side with only one bulb at the end is large enough that you probably won’t need a curved design in order to hit your g-spot. Thrust, lean back, sigh. It’s also good for partnered play for that reason as well – he or she doesn’t have to worry quite so much about continually hitting just the right spot inside of you.

At 8 inches in length and 1 3/8 inch in diameter, the Alumina Revolve is long enough for you or a lover to hold either end comfortably. This is especially important when squirting. My only complaint for my other two g-spot loving toys – the njoy Fun Wand and the LELO Gigi – is that their small design can make them difficult to handle once the juices start flowing. If you’re like me and your orgasms are best with continual thrusting through to the very delicious, overwhelming end, then of course any slippery disruption to the thrusting is frustrating.

The length of the Alumina Revolve is also handy (heh, get it, handle, handy) when using it for anal play. I would not normally suggest using a toy that does not have a flared base anally, but as long as you’re careful to hold onto the Alumina Revolve tightly, it should not cause you a problem. You’d have to REALLY not be paying attention to get this 8 inch long toy stuck in your own or someone else’s ass. Besides, those rippling, graduating bulbs on the other end of the Alumina Revolve sort of beg to be in your ass, don’t they?

Or was it my ass that was begging? It’s hard to keep track of these things sometimes.

In any case, it feels very good without being much of a strain on your behind, thus making
it an excellent warm-up toy or easy addition to a masturbation session. If you want a different option for play, every Alumina product is capable of being unscrewed and attached to another. I’ll let Joseph elaborate on that and the clean up (which is a snap).
In case you’re incredibly dense and hadn’t noticed it yet, I am really impressed with this toy. Really. It has enlightened me. I feel like I need to make a pilgrimage to Tantus. I won’t, but you know, that’s how I feel.

Joseph

Although she tested it while I was out, I can attest that Mimi’s drooling praise is 100 percent genuine. There was quite a wet spot on the sheet AND a wet towel AND a smirking Mimi with the purple wonder not far away when I returned.

Even from my perspective, I have to say this is one hell of a toy. It is beautiful, safe, and very functional. What more could you possibly ask?

The box claims that it is made from aeronautical aluminum. Frankly, I don’t know what that means. What I do know is that it is made from anodized aluminum. I will spare you the technical process, but basically that means that it is aluminum that has been chemically and electrically bound to its coating. The benefit of this process is that the Revolve is easily disinfected and much more durable than traditional aluminum. It is also one of the most environmentally safe metal treating processes. It is also fully recyclable. That’s a good thing.

Ok, I know you don’t give a shit about the process by which it is made, so I’ll drop that. Let’s move on to cleaning!

To clean:

Use warm soapy water or put in dishwasher (oh snap).

To disinfect:

Clean with 10% bleach solution or boil.

Quite easy.

Aside from being easy to clean, the Alumina line has another great feature: They are interchangeable!

There are four products in this line and they all come apart roughly in the middle. The ends can then be swapped as you see fit. Any end will fit into any other end. The screw in the middle comes out so you can swap male and female ends. Head on over to Tantus’ website and look at the full line: Pace, Motion, Flow, and Revolve.

We haven’t gotten our hands on any of the others yet, but we hope to someday. Until then we’re more than happy with the Revolve by itself.

P.S.

The Alumina line retains temperature remarkably well. This means that a dunk in a warm glass of water makes it sooo niiiiice. But, if you leave in your cold ass bedside table and try and use it, you’ll receive a squeal and a smack for sure.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics:

Ease of Cleaning:

Functionality:

Overall:

FUCK YEAH purple rock star!

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!