1. Advice column – about sex, relationships, writing, starting a blog, sex toys, BDSM, LGBTQ, website related crap (which will actually be Joseph responding since me and technology are not friends yet),  porn, disability, etc.
2. Get to know your beloved sex blogger – about… me! Oh, and Joseph. You can tell a lot about us through our blog, but if you have any other questions, this is the place for them.

I want to remind our readers that we are not experts. Like so many other voices on the internet, we are individuals with opinions and knowledge that intermingle, and we present our perspective based on that intermingling. We read, we observe, we research, we ask questions, we experience, we reflect, we think – but we are not professionals or experts. (In fact, it’s our general experience that even people who are called such should be handled with a degree of suspicion and/or inquiry.)

As such, all medical inquiries should be addressed to a medical professional, preferably more than one. Also, if I believe your answer is out of my capable hands, I’ll provide you with some links for further research, but I recommend doing so on your own as well. I cannot possibly provide you with everything. I am one person and thus represent one vantage point. If you want to ask Joseph or one of our guest reviewers a question, you can address it to them. It will still appear in this column with their input.

When it comes to personal or fun questions about us, I reserve the right to answer or ignore at my own free will; however, I will always attempt to address matters that I feel may be helpful to a wider audience. Thus, if you send me offensive nonsense, I will probably ignore it outright. And if I think it’s a little too invasive on the intimacy between myself and my husband, I’ll politely decline.

You can sign your actual names, if you want, but I suggest a pseudonym. The question posed below was actually said to me in person, so I just filled in a “name”, knowing he’d prefer total anonymity.

Dear Mimi,

I want to have a non-committal sexual relationship with this girl and I’ve told her I don’t want to date anyone right now, which she says is fine but I don’t believe she means it. She just seems to act like eventually I’ll change my mind. Is it wrong if I sleep with her anyway? How can I get her to understand my position or be more honest about hers?

- Not tryin to be a dick

Dear Not tryin to be a dick,

The boundary between dating and casual sex can be really blurry and uncertain, especially because people sometimes change their minds over time. We depend on various modes of communication to be able to distinguish where we are in a relationship. The fact that you’ve told her what you want is a really great thing and I’m sure people who have been misled everywhere can appreciate your decision. You cannot control her level of self-awareness, but you can be diligent about your own. Were you clear? Did you make it sound like you might change your mind? Were you trying to be polite, but instead it came across as instilling hope in her mind? You need to ask yourself more questions and then you need to bring your thoughts to her to discuss. First and foremost, you need to secure an inner dialog that can extend to the other person (or persons) involved. Honest communication is key.

I’ve been in this situation before – a man I was sleeping with would not believe that I only wanted casual sex. He kept talking about us as though we were dating, and eventually it left him feeling really bitter because I never changed my mind about our status. I knew – on some level – that he wasn’t capable of maintaining the relationship I wanted. But I slept with him anyway, deciding that we’re all responsible for ourselves. I’ve been honest with everyone involved, he hasn’t even been honest with himself. That’s not my problem.

That’s also a very cold way to go about this, especially if you want to be friends or share mutual friends. I would recommend not having sex with her until you feel confident in the mutuality of desire for non-commitment. She may feel slighted at the rejection, but if she’s worth her weight in pudding, she’ll respect you more for it. And you’ll respect yourself knowing that you’re not being a dick.

Have a question for Mimi? Send it here.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Australlia bans depictions of small breasted women and depictions of female ejaculations. Words fail me.

LGBTQ:

Hawaii decides not to vote on same-sex civil unions this year because it is an election year. Boo Hawaii.
Testimony ends in Prop 8 trial. Appeal expected regardless of outcome.
eHarmony finally allows gay and lesbian users. Of course they had to be sued first.
Indiana senate Oks same sex marriage ban. Douches.

Education:

Planned Parenthood and Siecus release report on the failings of abstinence only education in Mississippi. Doy
The term oral sex in a dictionary causes problems in Riverside, Ca.
Wisconsin passes bill making teaching of birth control and STIs a mandatory part of sex ed.
Parents in Green county, OK are trying to get a book that makes reference to same sex couples raising kids pulled from school library shelves. Cause they are dumb.

Tech:

Bettersex.com says that LELO NEA is the sex toy of the year for 2009. Anyone surprised to see LELO win?
Adobe subtly points out that the iPad won’t play most internet porn. My blackberry does…

Drugs:

New emergency contraception effective up to five days after sex. Probably will give you cancer in 15 years.
Pfizer to tone down sexual innuendo in Viagra commercials. Pfizer still sucks.

General:

Older folks still getting fun-kay. And it makes them healthier.

Who cares:

Tiger Woods blah blah sex blah blah.
Bristol Palin vows no sex till marriage. And blathers to Oprah about it.
Andy Dick arrested for sexual assault.

Got a tip? Send it here

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

The Anal Sex Position Guide provided by Eden Fantasys

Joseph

I found The Anal Sex Position Guide by Tristan Taormino to be fairly excellent.

There is not much explanation required for this one. Taormino likes her titles to be fairly telling of the subject matter and this book is no exception. It is an anal sex position guide.

As with all of Taormino’s work that I’ve seen, she prefaces the bulk of the book with information about responsible and respectful practices. This includes anatomical information, safe sex practices, a chapter about the importance of communication, a dispelling of common anal sex myths, and a good discussion about the importance of warm-up.

After she gives you the tools you need to succeed, Taormino jumps right into the position guide. She simply breaks down the positions with an explanation of how they are done, the pros and cons of each, and any variations to that position. Accompanying each position description is at least one picture of perfect, airbrushed people demonstrating the position and making faces that they think they would make if they were actually doing it. As you can probably tell by the snarky way in which I described them, perfect airbrushed people leave me with a bad taste in my mouth. However, I think they are fairly appropriate for this book. They are for demonstration purposes only so it is ok for them to be mannequins.

About the only issue that I have with this book (I have to have one problem with everything, it is in my nature) is the subtitle: The Best Positions for Easy, Exciting, Mind-Blowing Pleasure. I can agree that anal sex can be mind-blowing and is almost always exciting for one reason or another. However, I just can’t get behind (heh) calling it easy. Asses are finicky and everything has to be just right for anal sex to work and that ain’t easy. Taormino’s book certainly makes it easier, though.

Mimi

My experience with anal sex has been fairly standard in terms of positions – Missionary, Spooning, Doggie Style, Flying Doggie, and Horizontal Tailgate – with me almost always on the receiving end, so Tristan Taormino’s The Anal Sex Position Guide arrived here with a warm welcome. Sometimes a little extra nudge in the way of practical advice and men and women with bodies made of fantasy is what you need to try something new. And where ever you are in your anal sex escapades, The Anal Sex Position Guide is sure to offer you some useful information that is approachable and classy.

Similar to her writing in Opening Up, Taormino’s voice is friendly and casual, yet direct and clear in its attempt to guide. I feel like Taormino is someone I could talk to without feeling embarrassed or intimidated. It’s an excellent balance she creates in her writing. I love how she talks extensively about safe anal sex practices, lubricants, and toys for both men and women. This book will be most useful to someone who is new to anal sex, but it has other advantages for more experienced individuals. It’s also a great tool for instances where one individual in a couple wants to try something, but they don’t know how to bring it up or discuss it.

As you may or may not have picked up on, me and Joseph are gradually moving into anal play for him, which I have a little bit of experience with but hardly enough to count. Prior to our relationship, I was incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of using a strap-on and became squeamish at the mere thought of using one. It’s not me! I can’t tell what I’m doing! That sort of problem. Chapter 11 Anal Pleasure for Men & Strap-On Sex and Chapter 12 Positions for Strap-On Anal Sex were really useful and really comforting. I was open to the idea of using a strap-on with Joseph before reading The Anal Sex Position Guide, but now I am mentally, emotionally, and physically prepared to attempt this new and exciting activity in our lives.

I can sympathize with Joseph about the models, but I also think that, like Taormino mentioned in the book itself, anal sex is in a sense coming out of the shadows and when you’re presenting a concept that can be difficult for a lot of people, it’s important to try meeting them halfway. Glossy pages, sensual and warm colors, using a traditional perception of human physical beauty – these things make a book about putting things in your butt less… like putting things in your butt. I’m not ashamed of my actions – or my pleasure – and I don’t think I should be. I am a clean, healthy, self-respecting individual. Not everyone shares this perspective.

Also, I’m sure young, sexy, you’ll-never-look-like-this-and-you’ll-never-fuck-anyone-that-does-either models help books sell.  And I don’t mind Taormino making a buck. Or a lot of bucks.

In short, The Anal Sex Position Guide has offered me some needed confidence to pursue my interests. It has done so with style yet without pretention. Can’t argue with that.

The Naked Truth:

Design: 5 out of 5 stars

Readability: 5 out of 5 stars

Educational Value: 5 out of 5 stars

Overall: 5 out of 5 stars

It’s good to have hobbies.

$19.99The Anal Sex Position Guide Book by Tristan Taormino Format: Paperback Publisher: Quiver Buy from EdenFantasys

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

I can’t help it, I just have no attraction whatsoever to men. I can appreciate a physically attractive man or a man with a charming wit and warm personality, but I have no desire to do anything beyond appreciate.

I think of this as a problem. Viewing Mimi’s pansexuality only makes things worse. Good grief, it is unfair. She is attracted to all people regardless of sex. Dudes, ladies, dykes, femmes, bois, transsexuals, pre-op, post-op, all of it! And I am only really attracted to women that resemble women.

The way I see it, I’m missing out on a whole lot of feeling and potential experience. It’s not like my sexual attraction to women is exponentially stronger than someone attracted to all sexes because I am only attracted to the one. It just means that I am missing out on all the others.

Let me post an exchange about porn star James Deen between Epiphora and Mimi from Twitter the other night as an illustration:

Epiphora – This discovery makes me happy: http://bit.ly/R88BV

undressedreview – @Epiphora He’s actually pretty attractive. Like, a lot.

Epiphora – @undressedreview Hence looking for scenes with him in them and whichever semi-attractive chick I can find.

undressedreview – @Epiphora I approve. Excellent idea. I’m kind of turned off by a lot of guys in porn, but he is… yes.

I looked at his pic and thought “That guy looks like he smells like weed.” I’m not saying that James Deen would necessarily do it for me, but NO GUY does it for me and it seems like a shame.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that being anything other than heterosexual is easy in this society. Men being attracted to other men is no joking matter in mainstream America. Because of the closed way that men are taught to think about sexuality and the systematic vilification of homosexuality, being attracted to the same sex can make your life hell in this country. I understand this. So please don’t think that I envision those with wider sexual preferences than mine as living in a sex-crazed state of euphoria. I just think that being attracted to more would open more vistas to me.

Sure, I’ve tried to be attracted to men. I do it all the time. I look at people and I think “He’s a good-lookin guy…I could…do sex stuff with him…” My heart (wang) just isn’t in it. I think I probably could have sex with a man. I could become aroused by the experience alone and probably have a decent time…I just wouldn’t be enjoying it because of the man per se. Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

My feelings about limited preference being detrimental are not limited to sexuality. I feel the same way about NASCAR, professional wrestling, country music, M.I.A., the artwork of Gustav Klimt, and eggplants.

-Joseph

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

G Curve Dildo – $60
http://store.babeland.com/dildos-silicone/g-curve-dildo
We like that it’s made of silicone, will hit my g-spot, and it’s harnessable so it meets possible, potential needs. – Her

We-Vibe – $130
http://store.babeland.com/vibrators-electric/We-vibe
Rechargeable, waterproof, versatile, easy to clean – it’s a totally bad ass toy! – Him & Her

Aneros Prostate Stimulator MGX – $58
http://store.babeland.com/safe-sex-sexual-health/aneros-prostate-stimulator
We’re interested in trying out prostate stimulation, and this toy appears to be good for beginners. – Him

Candy Apple Wrist Restraints – $62
http://store.babeland.com/bdsm-top-picks/candy-apple-wrist-restraints
These pretty red cuffs can be used with our under-the-bed restraints and will make it easier to take the party elsewhere if desired. – Her

Kookie Riding Crop – $18
http://store.babeland.com/bdsm-top-picks/kookie-riding-crop
Riding crops are quite sexy and we’ve never gotten around to using one, so this toy seems perfect to break us in. – Her

Nipplettes Vibrating Clamps (Black) – $36
http://store.babeland.com/bdsm-clamps/nipplettes-vibrating-clamps
We already love “normal” clamps and it’d be fun to try out a vibrating pair! – Her

Babelube Original 16oz. – $20
http://store.babeland.com/safe-sex-lubes/babelube
We ran out and need more of this excellent water-based, glycerin-free lube. – Him

I Rub My Duckie -$20
http://store.babeland.com/vibrators-discreet/ducky
It’s a vibrator shaped like a rubber duckie – of course we want it. – Him

Shunga Chocolate Body Paint – $15
http://store.babeland.com/sexy-gifts-top-pics/shunga-chocolate-body-paint
Two of the greatest things in life are sex and chocolate, which this product seems to bring together beautifully. – Him

Penis Cupcake Pan – $15
http://store.babeland.com/bachelorette-gifts-adult-novelty-toys/penis-cupcake-pan
I’ve always wanted to eat dick, but I’m not gay. – Him

Cuff Connector – $3.50
http://store.babeland.com/bdsm-equipment/cuff-connector
It would go with our Candy Apple Wrist Restraints. – Him

Edible Pasties – $5
http://store.babeland.com/bachelorette-gifts-adult-novelty-toys/edible-pasties
I want to wear these cute and silly little hearts to my bachelorette party. – Her

Smart Balls – $28
http://store.babeland.com/safe-sex-sexual-health/smart-balls
After reading more about the benefits of toning PC muscles, such as the possibility of more intense orgasms, I’m really interested in trying out this toy. – Her

Babeland Massage Candle Gift Pack – $25
http://store.babeland.com/sensual-massage/babeland-massage-candle-gift-pack
This seems like a trick to make me give her massages. – Him

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!