Our first contest was a colossal failure. We did not have a single entry. We cried a little.

Our second contest was as large a success as the first was a failure. We had a veritable smorgasbord of comments to choose from and it was a very difficult choice. It took us almost two full episodes of Gilmore Girls (yes, we are huge dorks when not being super sexy) to pick our winner.

Without further ado, the winner of the Under the Bed Restraint System provided by Babeland is Jacqueline and she said:

I’m thankful for my incredible girlfriend and the very, very few friends at our hyper-conservative school who actually know she’s my girlfriend. I love that she complements me perfectly, from being the perfect top for me to being the perfect study partner to being the perfect roommate.

Sometimes it’s so scary trying to start this life when no one can even know about it, but she’s beyond willing to try everything with me (which is also fun – and the under the bed restraints would be AMAZING (especially given the grad school applications sucking our budget away)) and I still can’t believe I got her.

That was sappy enough. XD I’m also beyond thankful for our teensy tiny toy collection that just began in February. There’s so much exciting stuff still to explore in the future!

We just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to provide a discreet lesbian with a discreet bondage system. She’ll send us pictures of how appropriate it is if we’re lucky. (Hint, hint.)

A big thanks to everyone that entered! There were so many sexy and heart-warming things to be thankful for listed. It was truly a joy to read all of the honest and thoughtful comments. We hope that you’ve had the best Thanksgiving and that you all continue to find things to be thankful for in your lives in and out of the bedroom.

Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming Out! provided for review by Good Vibrations

Mimi

After reading an interview with Courtney Trouble in Bitch magazine , I could tell that we were missing out. (We also need to know more about some other people in the interview, such as Bren Ryder, but hopefully we’ll get to them in another post.) Trouble is an individual working in the adult industry committed to making feminist pornography and bringing queer sexuality and lifestyle into a more accessible, realistic state if being. She founded No Fauxx, an arousal and art driven website for the queer community, which the site claims is the first of its kind. Whether or not that’s true, it’s still pretty amazing. I recommend reading the interview and checking out the links we’ve provided to further understand Trouble’s perspective on her own work and her goals.

We suddenly ended up with three of Trouble’s films – much to our delight – and Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming Out! is the one we chose to start with. The first line of description on the back of this pink, very contemporary punk rockstar DVD case is, “Reality porn is coming out of the closet in this first-ever gonzo queer film.” It probably sounds silly, but I give Trouble props for having a case that accurately represents the film – all of the “fresh-faced performers” are on the cover with obvious tattoos, piercings, “alternative” style and/or diverse body types so we can see who is involved; again, in the description – which is kind of rough-looking typewriter text – it is described as a “kinky slumber party” and that definitely carries through in the film; all throughout the film there is music that reflects the style of the DVD case itself; and “reality porn” along with mention of how the cast picks their own partners and their own toys gives the viewer an indication that this is not going to be like scripted porn with professional stars and excellent lighting in every scene.

Since I have been disappointed in the past with how misleading a DVD case for porn can be, I really appreciate knowing what I’m getting into, especially if I am actually purchasing the porn.

I’m going to break it down to lists because there is so much I could say about Seven Minutes in Heaven, but for the sake of a readable review, I probably shouldn’t. So here is a condensed version:

+ The performers are amateurs and a few first-timers so the interactions are, generally, more fun and interesting. Nuances of their individual personalities come through, which is, to me, quite sexy. My favourite performers were Puck Goodfellow and Sophia, but all of them contributed in really special ways.
+ “I have a 48 inch ass. What more is there to say?” – God Bless You, Jae.
+ Sara Lee Sinful has an orchid for a vagina. Seriously. It’s exquisite. Thank you, Tina Horn, for making a point of it during your scene.
+ Safer sex! I was so happy to see gloves and condoms used on all of the toys.
+ Quite a bit of spanking and even a short discussion on appropriate places and ways to spank people. I especially enjoyed the scene in which Tina Horn is being spanked by Carson.
+ Jae showing Sophia how to put on a strap-on was pretty fabulous. I also like how later, despite her inexperience with strap-ons, Sophia totally got into “jerking off” with Tina Horn.
+ NO annoying fake-ass sex noises. This in itself is fucking amazingly wonderful to me. I want to scream it from rooftops and do cartwheels down the street.
+ Oh, and how could I forget… the various body types. (And we ain’t just talkin’ boob size.) Thank you, Courtney Trouble, for recognizing that sexuality is not limited to a size 4 and big tits.

- The scene with Carson and Joline, there’s a wonderful close-up shot of Joline’s vagina being teased from behind by Carson, but the shot is so grainy that it’s difficult to appreciate. Normally graininess isn’t that big of a deal to me – I think it can even be a positive thing in some cases – but in this instance it disrupted my appreciation of the scene. Perhaps the lighting, although little, still had the effect of cooling Joline’s already pale skin down further. A little too cold and washed out. There were other parts of scenes like this, but most of the time the light was warmer in tone, which worked better.
- Music. Nothing against the music selection, it goes along with everything else in the film, but it was pretty disjointed in some places. Were they using an iPod? Is that why a song would end and then there just wouldn’t be anymore music despite the scene continuing? Or why it was louder in some scenes? I’m sure that filming unscripted can be tricky, but a little more consistency with the music, especially because of how aggressive it was, would have been less distracting.
- The editing was also rather disjointed in some places, mostly in the beginning. When going from scenes of the performers kissing to laughing and talking, then to Tina Horn and Sara Lee Sinful’s scene, it was especially choppy and awkward.
- Again, an editing issue. When Puck Goodfellow and Carson were having a scene in one room with Tina Horn and Sophia having a scene in the next room (no door), the overlapping sounds were kind of funny in a way that made me less drawn to the scene. I knew that there were scenes overlapping in a way, but perhaps a direct, visual acknowledgement of that could have worked better. It would have added to the kinky slumber party atmosphere, too. Sex everywhere all the time!!

There were a lot of positive points and quite a few negative points as well, but overall I’m really excited about Trouble’s work and her participation in a movement toward an evolved adult industry, one that encourages a more honest, pro-female approach that brings together fantasy and reality. Sure, it’s a business, but we don’t have to be dirtbags about it.

Joseph

The very beginning of this film let me know that it would not be typical porn. It started with each person being allowed to describe themselves however they saw fit. A few of them told us that it was their first time performing on camera and for a couple of them, it was even their first queer experience. That alone made the dynamic between some of the people filmed very interesting.

I was somewhat worried about my opinion of this film because we’ve been reviewing so many porns made for queers that I have been jonesing for some wang. Being a heterosexual male, I have been desirous of some heterosexual depiction on screen. Upon reflection, I realize that this experience has been a tiny little taste of how frustrating the porn world must be for a queer person. I mean, I am choosing to watch porn that does not directly apply to me. For a long time, persons living alternative lifestyles didn’t even have the option to watch porn that reflected their sexuality. Even now, there are only and handful of directors and production companies making films for that group. That must be really annoying. Anyway, because I was tired of watching porn that does not reflect my sexuality, I was worried that it would be difficult to be fair to Trouble and her film. Thankfully, I don’t think it turned out to be an issue.

One of the first scenes involved spin the bottle and it was fabulous because of the awkward kissing and obvious lack of chemistry between a few of the people participating. It was nice to see those moments because it helped with the sense of reality that Trouble was trying to portray. As the film went on, they all warmed to one another and lost most of the awkwardness pretty quickly. Sex will do that to you.

About midway through watching I began to be worried that this was going to be somewhat of a negative review because I kept finding things that bothered me about the editing and music presentation. My complaints directly echo Mimi’s so I don’t feel the need to reproduce them, but I will say that they were certainly a sore point for me.

Understanding what gonzo pornography is supposed to be, the low quality lighting and somewhat awkward angles at times didn’t bother me. However, the editing could have been handled better and the music certainly could have, too.

Aside from those two complaints, I am pleased that Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming Out! was made and I look forward to seeing more of Trouble’s work.

P.S.
Is it just me, or does that title sound like it is setting Seven Minutes in Heaven up to be a series? We can hope.

The Naked Truth:

Aesthetics:

Level of Arousal:

Educational Value: N/A

Storyline:

Overall:

Crashpadseries.com Volume 3 provided by Blowfish

Joseph

In case you don’t know, The Crash Pad Series is based upon Shine Louise Houston’s 2006 debut film of the same name. The crash pad is a place where dykes and femmes alike can go to have uninhibited sex. Unfortunately I have not seen the The Crash Pad itself, but if it is anything like the series based on it, it is HOT.

The DVD that Blowfish sent us is a collection of episodes from the website. From the looks of it, that’s how these collections are offered; four or five episodes per DVD. Volume three features some performers that are quickly becoming favorites of mine: Dallas, Shawn (Syd Blakovich), Dylan Ryan, Princess Donna, Jake, Lorelei Lee, Billy Jack Gunn, Paul Gunn, Red, and Javier.

If you’ve been reading the site or following Houston’s work, you’ll recognize several of those names. Houston has a tendency to use familiar performers (I don’t really feel comfortable calling them actors because they are not acting in even the traditional porn sense. The people in Houston’s films are not pretending to have hot, enjoyable sex – they are) in her productions, which is fine since she has such stellar performers.

This particular installation of the Crash Pad Series involves deep throating, squirting, the fabulous Hitachi Magic Wand, and lots of authentic queer sex. I don’t have any complaints about this collection. None. I personally was not turned on by the scene between “cousins” Billy Jack Gunn and Paul Gunn because my sexual tendencies are unwaveringly hetero and those two look too much like biological men to do anything for me.

The particular copy that was sent to us has some issues with the sound being out of sync in a couple of spots. It was minimal in the beginning but by the last scene (Red and Javier) it was completely incongruous. I sent Blowfish and email to see if this was an artistic choice of Houston’s that I didn’t get or a simple defect but at the time of this writing, I have received no response.

If you don’t want to wait for a DVD to be shipped to you just go to http://www.crashpadseries.com where you can view any of the episodes (there are more online than offered on the individual DVDs.

Mimi

I have a lot of respect for Shine Louise Houston’s work so when it came time to watch CrashPadSeries.com Volume 3, I was really excited and my expectations were high, which is a pleasant shift from the usual. (I’m not a huge fan of porn, which is often boring, stifling regurgitations of sexuality and beauty to me. At best, it’s a good laugh.) I was not disappointed. I enjoyed every scene of this DVD, which I have not been able to say about any other porn thus far.

Whoa shit.
Whoa shit, indeed.

In episode 16, Dylan Ryan enters the crash pad, but instead of trying to join Dallas and Shawn, she hides nearby. While Shawn ties Dallas up to a chair, sucks Dallas’ strap-on cock, and then proceeds to fuck herself silly, Dylan Ryan is sneaking glances, biting her lip, obviously aroused. Eventually Shawn and Dallas move to the bed and continue to pleasure themselves and each other. I really enjoyed the chemistry between these two. They appeared to have a lot of fun.

In episode 17, Dylan Ryan comes out of hiding after Shawn and Dallas leave. She throws herself down on the bed, smiling and burying her face into the vibrant red pillows and sheets. Watching her writhe and inhale the scent of Shawn and Dallas’ sexual encounter is really arousing, perhaps even more so than when she actually strips and masturbates. It may be more of a personal thing than anything else, but entering the mindset of the voyeur, entering the fantasy of unknown bodies and personalities – the way she pulled the sheet between her legs, thrust her hips toward the bed, inhaled deeply, and smiled so big – is a huge turn-on.

That’s what I need. Honest arousal. Honest reaction.

Joseph didn’t seem to enjoy Episode 15 with Billy Jack and Paul quite as much, for reasons rather obvious, and we ended up talking more throughout its duration. We talked a lot about gender identification, bisexuality, pansexuality, and considered our relative ignorance when it comes to various lifestyles. For example, I trip over terminology quite a lot because I want to be respectful. It’s hard when everyone has personal preferences that may not be clear. Houston’s porn films are especially challenging, and I think she would probably smile if she heard me say so.

Despite the distraction of our talk, I found this scene just as arousing as the others. Aside from a little initial awkwardness, both performers seemed to forget that a camera was even there. They just did their thing and their thing was hot. (Also, how great is it that Paul Gunn has a “pussyboy” tattoo?)

In episode 21, Lorelei Lee enters the crash pad to find Donna and Jake ready to fuck, and she’s not so sure at first, but quickly convinced! (If only I had the powers of persuasion that Donna has…) This part of the scene was really annoying because the sound was a bit off; however, the three of them really made up for it. Lorelei Lee, god bless her, didn’t make constant obnoxious goat noises like she did in Superfreak. Jake was quiet, reserved, and yet really involved in significant ways. Donna, of course, dominated most of the actions in the scene. All three of them seemed really into it (when Lorelei Lee and Donna are making prolonged eye contact later in the scene, it’s pretty intense), yet joked and laughed occasionally.

Last but not least, episode 19 with Red and Javier was, sadly, hard to watch because of the sound disturbances. And you can watch it muted, like we did, but…. it’s not the same. Red and Javier are really sexy performers – I liked watching them even without sound. Red can wear a strap-on and bend me over anytime she’d like.

As always with Houston’s films, she places emphasis on safer sex practices, which I find really appealing in porn. Also, despite the reoccurrence of performers, there’s something really “fresh” about their presence. Perhaps it’s the scenery, the camera angles, the tone, the personal interactions between performers. You just know that it’s going to be sexy and authentic, yet light-hearted and fun. Perfect.

The Naked Truth:

Aesthetics:

Level of Arousal:

Educational Value: N/A

Storyline:

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There is no Crash Pad where we live, but we do have a shed…