Succulent Blossom provided by Babeland

Joseph

Oh my. Where to start?

I guess I’ll start with the packaging. It is quite a thing in and of itself. It is cramped with silly, inappropriate phrases, poorly made logos, an obligatory naked woman, a picture of the product, and an inexplicable bubble with the word “earth” in it. I can’t imagine why. Perhaps the manufacturer thinks that making a phthalate free product is the same thing as making an environmentally friendly product. It is not. My two favorite idiotic sayings on the package before I move on: “The personal choice of wicked girls” (because wicked girls just love wrapping things around their cocks…) and “Ultra-erotic deep penetrating ribbed tunnel made of luxurious senso material” …what does ultra-erotic even mean and how is a tunnel deep penetrating?

Ok, enough about the package—let’s move on to the main event.

This is a masturbation sleeve….shaped like a flower…and it is neon blue. How does masturbation and a neon flower go together, you may ask. Well, I’ll let an intellect much greater than mine explain.

“Mmmmmmm, I love the sound of that. Sssssucculent. And of course Blossum…that’s a metaphor you know and I bet you can guess what for!Just imagine what part of me that sounds like. Bingo Now what do you want to do?” – Devinn Lane

Straight off of the side of the box.

This blue flower to stick your dick in is 4”/10cm long and has “8 teasing petals” around the base. What the petals are teasing is unclear to me. My experience with it is that it is unusable without lube. With lube, the inner ribbing feels rather nice going up and down, but not significantly better than just my hand and not nice enough to justify putting my wang in this ridiculous thing. The length is also a problem for me. The head of my penis chafes uncomfortably as the sleeve slides on and off. To be fair, my skin is pretty sensitive. For someone that doesn’t have a pussy dick (heh), this may be fun. I can stretch the sleeve to be long enough, but frankly, it is not worth it.

Other reviews (Babeland and True Pleasures) say that it is good for use in tandem with a mouth. If you have a problem with fellatio, be it because your man’s penis is too big to fit all way in your mouth/throat or that your jaw muscles cannot take a full blowjob, the idea is that you slip on the sleeve and use it to stimulate the shaft while you lick the lollipop.

We didn’t try that because I think Mimi would bust out laughing if we tried. I can’t blame her. (We are also lacking a lube that feels AND tastes good.)

My recommendation for this product is don’t waste your money. If you want a little manual exercise, just use your hand.

Looks like a good time, yeah?

Mimi

There are a few aspects of the Succulent Blossom sleeve that right away make it more humorous than erotically arousing, mostly for the reasons Joseph already mentioned. The immature brat in me wants to throw this floppy jelly tube out of a window at some unsuspecting jogger from a slow moving vehicle.

Okay, I am being unfair. I can see why, for some people, the Succulent Blossom is a really great toy. Joseph told me that it felt good, aside from irritating his sensitive skin. Plus, some people are less prone to fits of laughter at the prospect of using ridiculous looking toys.

Whenever I talked to Joseph about how we might try it, no matter what reason or suggestion I had, the bottom line, in his mind, was always, “it’s not worth it”. In fact, at one point yesterday I suggested that in preparation for our review that we use it in the shower, and he opted to clean the fish tank instead.

Yes, he cleaned the tank of our nasty fish instead of masturbating with the Succulent Blossom (and me) in the shower.

I’m sure that there are good masturbation sleeves out there for men, which may be worth the money and out rank Old Reliable (your hand), but the Succulent Blossom isn’t one of them.

The Naked Truth:

Intensity:

Volume: (squish squish squish)

Design:

Versatility:

Ease of cleaning:

Overall:

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Provided by Blowfish

Mimi

Of the five videos we received from Blowfish, we were the most genuinely interested in Erika Lust’s Barcelona Sex Project, claiming to offer “six portraits of true intimacy, personal interviews, and real orgasms”. Underneath the description of the film and a brief mention of Erika Lust’s awards and acclaims, there is a section headed with “We Care”, which states that Lust Films of Barcelona (co-founded by Erika Lust) “supports NGOs combating sexual exploitations and fighting for human rights for women” by contributing 5% of their film’s revenue to Coalition Against Trafficking Women, Equality Now, and Womankind Worldwide. Pretty swank. It wouldn’t be your average porn, that’s for sure.

Each participant – three men and three women – sat on a stool amidst a completely white background and spoke candidly about his or her life, including jobs, hobbies, romantic interests, pets, and other comfortable, casual subjects. They were also allowed to bring a camera so that they might offer the viewer an extra peek into their intimate, everyday lives. Then, after the some more sexual questioning about masturbation and fantasies, we get onto the masturbation.

The settings, although sparse, are carefully chosen to create a clean, stylish sense of place, separate from “normal” life. I can imagine that masturbating and achieving orgasm on camera is not terribly easy, especially if someone needs to come in and powder your forehead, but based on the behind-the-scenes footage, Erika Lust and all of her crew appeared to approach the work in a very encouraging way, with humor and consideration.

Admittedly, the interviewing sequence can be a little boring at times because just like in real, regular old life, you simply can’t be interested in everyone you meet. Some people just don’t do it for you. However, if nothing else, I could imagine him or her naked or masturbating, then compare that with the semi-orchestrated reality of the screen. As an American who has never been outside of the U.S. and Canada, it was also interesting to see a film made in another country with an emphasis on the inhabitants and how they live, sexually and non-sexually.

I spent a good portion of the film and thereafter comparing and contrasting in my mind, on various levels, and much less of it feeling extensively turned on. It may be because I do not fantasize much about other people masturbating alone. I am much more turned on by watching the interactions of two, three, four, etc. individuals, or if someone’s masturbating could mean some play for me. So while I could recognize that certain portions were hot, I still did not feel inclined to whip out the Hitachi and buzz myself to bliss.

If you enjoy watching people masturbate, and especially the idea of gorgeous, “average” people masturbating, then this DVD will probably be more than thought provoking for you. It contains none of the ugly, mainstream porn aesthetic (brownie points, indeed) and, best of all, the atmosphere is one of respect and positivity. Fabulous.

As a writer, director, producer, and activist encouraging a positive, feminist perspective on sexuality, Erika Lust has been added to my mental list of people who should be paid attention to, and most definitely adored.

Joseph

Because of my overall distaste for porn, this film was the one that I was most interested in out of the movies that Blowfish sent to us.

Since the breadth of how it is different from a typical porn case (hot blank on blank action) is covered quite well in Her review, I will just say that to me it reads more like a documentary complete with obligatory percentage to charity. Which is good. Which is fucking awesome.

After watching it, I maintain that it is more of a documentary than a porn. I guess you could call it an orgasm documentary. I think that the interview portion before the self therapy commences is wonderful. At first I actually liked the candid interviews better than watching people gild the lily.

As I watched on I became more pleased with the pleasing oneself section. I originally liked the interview part better because I felt more of a connection with the individuals talking about their jobs, family, day-to-day lives, etc than when they were beating around the bush (Get it? Huh, huh?). However, after seeing a few of them churn the mayo, I felt like both sections were equally intimate.

The fact that I thought listening to these people answer some fairly cursory questions was more intimate that watching them masturbate is a good illustration of what I have come to expect from porn. After seeing countless people have sex on screen, I began to feel more and more detached from them. And it is not hard to see why. Traditional porn does nothing to try and make the experience feel organic or intimate at all. The average porn scene is full of fake body parts, fake noises, fake sentiment, and fake standards. Being contrived and ridiculous is now a standard. I’ve come to associate porn with detachment so strongly that I don’t even expect a sex scene to be interesting anymore.

The Barcelona Sex Project was just the opposite. Care was taken to make these scenes feel natural. The people were encouraged to do whatever they wanted, they brought their own toys from home and the sets were carefully matched to each person’s personality. All of this care and personality really shines through and by the second half of the film, I was enthralled by the wankin’ scenes because it felt like an extension of the interview, like another bit of that person’s personality rather than a calculated bit of pornography.

Erika Lust single handedly revived my hopes for porn. With more people like her behind the action, porn could eventually become something worthy of attention and respect. It could become the art form that it should be. Sex is beautiful, intimacy is beautiful, film can be beautiful so it stands to reason that porn should be beautiful instead of the garish and exploitative thing that it is.

God’s speed Miss Lust.

Ratings:

Aesthetics:

Level of Arousal:

Educational Value:N/A

Storyline:N/A

Overall:

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

*Update* This product seems to no longer exist at Babeland.

Today we are reviewing the Showerbabe which is available exclusively at Babeland

Joseph

I was pretty excited about this product because due to height difference and a small shower, we can’t have intercourse in the shower without the inclusion of a stool (which is awkward) so this product meant new ways to play in the shower.

Overall I am very pleased with the Showerbabe. It has two intensity settings which have not been enough to get her off by itself, but have been a great companion to my fingers or tounge. The settings are activated by a button on the bottom of the handle which can be somewhat awkward to use while the Showerbabe is inside of her. However, the handle itself is great because things do tend to get slippery in the shower.

(more…)

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!