Basic Essentials Softee provided for review by Eden Fantasys

Joseph

Marketing Guy 1:
What do chicks love?

Marketing Guy 2:
My Dick!

MG 1 & 2:
WOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHH!

MG 1:
No seriously, though…they love pink…and….and….

MG 2:
My Dick!

MG 1:
Textures! Let’s make a vibrator that is pink and covered in texture of some kind.

MG 2:
But let’s make the texture removable so I can put it on My Dick!

MG 1:
Um..sure…

Expert tip for guys — don’t turn the sheath inside out and try to use it as a sleeve. Just don’t.

And they made it in China cause it is cheaper and put “SOLD AS NOVELTY ONLY…This product is intended for use as a novelty product only. For external use only.” Yep. It is a vibrating dildo that is not meant for internal use.

Ok, so that endearing disclaimer aside, let’s talk material. The outer sheath is made of TPR which is pretty easy to clean (assuming it doesn’t have a million little bumps all over it) but can not be disinfected. The vibrator itself is ABS, a mix between elstomer, rubber and hard plastic. Same story there, easily cleaned but impossible to disinfect. It is, however recyclable (probably not with the motor in it, though).

The Basic Essentials Softee takes one AA battery and has an adjustable speed dial at the base to control the speed of vibration. It is water proof and oh-so-pink.

Don’t buy it.

Mimi

When EdenFantasys offered the Basic Essentials Softee to us for review, I accepted the offer thinking our experience could go one of two ways –

1. It would be a simple toy that is surprisingly exciting and novel in its sensation.
2. It would be uncomfortable and oh so ho-hum.

After getting its soft, nubbed pink body out of the packaging, I immediately tested the dial-control for vibration range, intensity, and ease of use. I found it promising. Plus, there’s something about the physical sensation of turning a dial that I really enjoy. Don’t try to make sense of it. I’m just mentioning this because the dial turning may be the thing I like most about this toy.

(Oh yeah, it’s like that.)

Joseph removed the TPR shell – the nubby sleeve which reminds me of art history freshman year – exposing a much more simplistic, “traditional” vibrator beneath. Still pink. Still could go either way.

I could see being excited about the idea of having two toys in one, but really this is more like getting no toys at all. And then crying.

Why? Well….

Most of the intensity is in the “head”, which is smooth, not nubbed like the rest of it. I guessed the point of the nubbiness then was to stimulate the vulva in a new way. Guessed wrong. It feels like a lubricated gelatin mace is groping me.

Although the vibration did feel good, it wasn’t really strong enough to push me over the edge. So it might be good for some warm-up foreplay or orgasm control, but otherwise it’s a big fat disappointment.

While it was inside me I kept thinking, “This might feel good without those nubs.” It wasn’t painful, per se. It was just uncomfortable. Yes, I know – you can remove the nubby texture. The problem with the intensity is still present.

Since the Basic Essentials Softee has a removable sleeve and it’s waterproof, cleaning is easier than it would be if… say… there were no water in the world anywhere ever and you were dead. Okay, I’m exaggerating. However, it’s no exaggeration that cleaning the TPR nubby sleeve is a pain in the ass. In fact, considering the Basic Essentials Softee cannot be sterilized in any way, you may want to go ahead and use a condom with each use anyway. Voila! Clean-up is easier.

Or buying a different toy altogether. That might be easier.

The Naked Truth

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Intensity:

Volume:

Ease of Cleaning:

Functionality:

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(Bad) Dream of the Sex Toy Reviewer’s wife

The Alumina Revolve provided for review by ProductEROTICA.com (their site seems to be down, but they really did send it to us.)

Mimi

When looking at the Alumina Revolve, in all of its shiny purple aluminum splendor, I suspected it might just be a nice looking toy with mediocre results. (Of course it looks good. It’s a Tantus product.) There are those sensual, smooth bulbs to consider, certainly, but it’s straight instead of curved, and curved toys tend to be the winners of my g-spot. I am pleased to announce that my initial suspicions were incorrect – the Alumina Revolve is a gorgeous double-sided dildo that performs as well as it looks.

The curved design is a preference of mine because it often makes accurate thrusting against my g-spot easier, for both myself and my lover. And if I want more pressure, I can easily push down on the end I’m holding, thus pushing the end inside up against my g-spot even harder. It’s perfect. The glory of the Alumina Revolve is that the side with only one bulb at the end is large enough that you probably won’t need a curved design in order to hit your g-spot. Thrust, lean back, sigh. It’s also good for partnered play for that reason as well – he or she doesn’t have to worry quite so much about continually hitting just the right spot inside of you.

At 8 inches in length and 1 3/8 inch in diameter, the Alumina Revolve is long enough for you or a lover to hold either end comfortably. This is especially important when squirting. My only complaint for my other two g-spot loving toys – the njoy Fun Wand and the LELO Gigi – is that their small design can make them difficult to handle once the juices start flowing. If you’re like me and your orgasms are best with continual thrusting through to the very delicious, overwhelming end, then of course any slippery disruption to the thrusting is frustrating.

The length of the Alumina Revolve is also handy (heh, get it, handle, handy) when using it for anal play. I would not normally suggest using a toy that does not have a flared base anally, but as long as you’re careful to hold onto the Alumina Revolve tightly, it should not cause you a problem. You’d have to REALLY not be paying attention to get this 8 inch long toy stuck in your own or someone else’s ass. Besides, those rippling, graduating bulbs on the other end of the Alumina Revolve sort of beg to be in your ass, don’t they?

Or was it my ass that was begging? It’s hard to keep track of these things sometimes.

In any case, it feels very good without being much of a strain on your behind, thus making
it an excellent warm-up toy or easy addition to a masturbation session. If you want a different option for play, every Alumina product is capable of being unscrewed and attached to another. I’ll let Joseph elaborate on that and the clean up (which is a snap).
In case you’re incredibly dense and hadn’t noticed it yet, I am really impressed with this toy. Really. It has enlightened me. I feel like I need to make a pilgrimage to Tantus. I won’t, but you know, that’s how I feel.

Joseph

Although she tested it while I was out, I can attest that Mimi’s drooling praise is 100 percent genuine. There was quite a wet spot on the sheet AND a wet towel AND a smirking Mimi with the purple wonder not far away when I returned.

Even from my perspective, I have to say this is one hell of a toy. It is beautiful, safe, and very functional. What more could you possibly ask?

The box claims that it is made from aeronautical aluminum. Frankly, I don’t know what that means. What I do know is that it is made from anodized aluminum. I will spare you the technical process, but basically that means that it is aluminum that has been chemically and electrically bound to its coating. The benefit of this process is that the Revolve is easily disinfected and much more durable than traditional aluminum. It is also one of the most environmentally safe metal treating processes. It is also fully recyclable. That’s a good thing.

Ok, I know you don’t give a shit about the process by which it is made, so I’ll drop that. Let’s move on to cleaning!

To clean:

Use warm soapy water or put in dishwasher (oh snap).

To disinfect:

Clean with 10% bleach solution or boil.

Quite easy.

Aside from being easy to clean, the Alumina line has another great feature: They are interchangeable!

There are four products in this line and they all come apart roughly in the middle. The ends can then be swapped as you see fit. Any end will fit into any other end. The screw in the middle comes out so you can swap male and female ends. Head on over to Tantus’ website and look at the full line: Pace, Motion, Flow, and Revolve.

We haven’t gotten our hands on any of the others yet, but we hope to someday. Until then we’re more than happy with the Revolve by itself.

P.S.

The Alumina line retains temperature remarkably well. This means that a dunk in a warm glass of water makes it sooo niiiiice. But, if you leave in your cold ass bedside table and try and use it, you’ll receive a squeal and a smack for sure.

The Naked Truth

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FUCK YEAH purple rock star!

The Fleshlight Ice provided for review by Tabu Toys

Joseph

The Fleshlight Ice is a modern wonder of fake vagina technology. It is by far the best non-animate thing that I’ve ever had the pleasure of sticking my dick in. It is one of the many variations on the original Fleshlight.

If you’re reading this, I assume that you are familiar with what a Fleshlight is. If not, head on over to their website and browse around a bit. I guess if you’re too lazy for that, I’ll explain. To oversimplify, it is a tube made of Superskin (which feels much like super soft silicone) housed inside a hard plastic case.

The Fleshlight Ice is a variation on the original that is clear. The idea there is that you can see your wang move in and out of the sleeve. It is actually kinda cool.

One of the features of the Fleshlight is the variation available for the inside of the sleeve. Again, if you’re interested you can learn more about this on the Fleshlight website. The particular model that we were sent has the “speed bump” interior which has hundreds of soft beads lining the inside of the sleeve.

The Fleshlight arrives powdered and the instructions inform you that you can re-powder it with corn starch to achieve a silky smooth feeling. This is a bit perplexing to me because the instructions also recommend that you soak the sleeve in hot water until it is comfortably warm…which washes off all the powder. That’s just a waste of corn starch.

Without powder, the sleeve is hella sticky. This can be somewhat unpleasant and annoying when taking it out of the case or trying to put it back in. It will stick to the inside of the case and bunch up in an obnoxious manner if you’re not careful. Replacing the sleeve can feel a bit like Operation. Thankfully it does not make that god awful buzzing noise when you mess up.

The stickiness is not really an issue when you are using the Fleshlight though. This is because of that wonderful and indispensible substance known as lube. Seeing as the Fleshlight does not produce its own lubrication, it is necessary to lube yourself or the sleeve before use.

When properly lubed, it feels freaking fantastic. The hard outer case serves to keep the canal of the sleeve nice and tight while in use and there is an adjustable valve at the end that allows you to restrict the airflow which causes various levels of suction. The case is also useful because it allows you to cram the Fleshlight into things for hands free use. They sell furniture with Fleshlight sized holes in them (which I imagine are quite the conversational piece) but I’ve found that stuffing it in between the mattress and box springs works just fine.

The only real problem that I have with the way it feels is that the speed bumps make the sensation so intense that it is over rather quickly. Yup, it makes me come really quickly. I suppose that it could be argued that the whole point of a masturbation sleeve is to make you come but the buildup is a big part of the fun. It is no coincidence that this model is the one that they sell as a stamina builder.

After you’re done building your stamina comes the cleaning. You need to take the sleeve out of the case, wash the come out of it, let it dry and then put it back in the case. Easy, right? No.

The washing out part is pretty simple but the drying is quite the pain in the ass. You have to let it sit for at least a couple of hours and then turn it inside out and repeat. I know, letting something sit is not that hard, but take into consideration that you have to leave this giant translucent slug out in the open for a minimum of four hours. Not very discrete.

Cleaning issues aside, this is hands down the best masturbation sleeve that I’ve encountered. Cleaning issues considered, it only very narrowly passes the almighty Is It Worth It test but it does pass the test.

Lookit them bumps!

Mimi

I know that some people turn masturbation sleeves into a partnered event, but I’m not really inclined to do that. I’m likely to get distracted and start blowing him instead or giggling or thinking about egg salad. (Every now and then I crave… things.) Now that I’ve loosely explained my cognitive and psychological deficiencies, I’m sure it’s unnecessary for me to elaborate extensively on the fact that there isn’t much I can say about the Fleshlight Ice. Since Joseph won’t let me say HUZZAH and be done with it, I will add a few little notes from my perspective:

Fleshlight Ice is pretty classy looking as far as masturbation sleeves go; in fact, I’m the one who wanted it for him and it wasn’t my sadism kicking in, either. Had I not selected it for him and I were to find it drying in the bathroom, I would not be disgusted. Amused, yes. Wondering how often he masturbates, yes. Fingering it, yes. Trying to come up with an appropriate chick name for it, yes. Inclined to throw it at a wall near his head and laugh as it sticks for a moment before sliding down, yes. Disgust or shame does not enter the equation anywhere.

Oh, and you will definitely find it in the bathroom unless there’s a special section in a cabinet that it can dry in. A little Fleshlight Ice loft, so to speak. It takes a while to dry thoroughly and unless you think mildew is sexy, you need to give it enough time. Depending on how often you masturbate… well, you get me. Planning may be involved. If family is coming over for dinner, maybe you should wait for your little rendezvous with the Fleshlight Ice until the coast is clear.

Based on what I’ve read, the Fleshlight Ice is worth every dime because not only does it feel fantastic, it’s also made with quality materials that will last a long time provided that this luxury toy is cared for properly. In sum, it is a pretty swank sex toy.

HUZZAH!

The Naked Truth

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