The Fleshlight Ice provided for review by Tabu Toys

Joseph

The Fleshlight Ice is a modern wonder of fake vagina technology. It is by far the best non-animate thing that I’ve ever had the pleasure of sticking my dick in. It is one of the many variations on the original Fleshlight.

If you’re reading this, I assume that you are familiar with what a Fleshlight is. If not, head on over to their website and browse around a bit. I guess if you’re too lazy for that, I’ll explain. To oversimplify, it is a tube made of Superskin (which feels much like super soft silicone) housed inside a hard plastic case.

The Fleshlight Ice is a variation on the original that is clear. The idea there is that you can see your wang move in and out of the sleeve. It is actually kinda cool.

One of the features of the Fleshlight is the variation available for the inside of the sleeve. Again, if you’re interested you can learn more about this on the Fleshlight website. The particular model that we were sent has the “speed bump” interior which has hundreds of soft beads lining the inside of the sleeve.

The Fleshlight arrives powdered and the instructions inform you that you can re-powder it with corn starch to achieve a silky smooth feeling. This is a bit perplexing to me because the instructions also recommend that you soak the sleeve in hot water until it is comfortably warm…which washes off all the powder. That’s just a waste of corn starch.

Without powder, the sleeve is hella sticky. This can be somewhat unpleasant and annoying when taking it out of the case or trying to put it back in. It will stick to the inside of the case and bunch up in an obnoxious manner if you’re not careful. Replacing the sleeve can feel a bit like Operation. Thankfully it does not make that god awful buzzing noise when you mess up.

The stickiness is not really an issue when you are using the Fleshlight though. This is because of that wonderful and indispensible substance known as lube. Seeing as the Fleshlight does not produce its own lubrication, it is necessary to lube yourself or the sleeve before use.

When properly lubed, it feels freaking fantastic. The hard outer case serves to keep the canal of the sleeve nice and tight while in use and there is an adjustable valve at the end that allows you to restrict the airflow which causes various levels of suction. The case is also useful because it allows you to cram the Fleshlight into things for hands free use. They sell furniture with Fleshlight sized holes in them (which I imagine are quite the conversational piece) but I’ve found that stuffing it in between the mattress and box springs works just fine.

The only real problem that I have with the way it feels is that the speed bumps make the sensation so intense that it is over rather quickly. Yup, it makes me come really quickly. I suppose that it could be argued that the whole point of a masturbation sleeve is to make you come but the buildup is a big part of the fun. It is no coincidence that this model is the one that they sell as a stamina builder.

After you’re done building your stamina comes the cleaning. You need to take the sleeve out of the case, wash the come out of it, let it dry and then put it back in the case. Easy, right? No.

The washing out part is pretty simple but the drying is quite the pain in the ass. You have to let it sit for at least a couple of hours and then turn it inside out and repeat. I know, letting something sit is not that hard, but take into consideration that you have to leave this giant translucent slug out in the open for a minimum of four hours. Not very discrete.

Cleaning issues aside, this is hands down the best masturbation sleeve that I’ve encountered. Cleaning issues considered, it only very narrowly passes the almighty Is It Worth It test but it does pass the test.

Lookit them bumps!

Mimi

I know that some people turn masturbation sleeves into a partnered event, but I’m not really inclined to do that. I’m likely to get distracted and start blowing him instead or giggling or thinking about egg salad. (Every now and then I crave… things.) Now that I’ve loosely explained my cognitive and psychological deficiencies, I’m sure it’s unnecessary for me to elaborate extensively on the fact that there isn’t much I can say about the Fleshlight Ice. Since Joseph won’t let me say HUZZAH and be done with it, I will add a few little notes from my perspective:

Fleshlight Ice is pretty classy looking as far as masturbation sleeves go; in fact, I’m the one who wanted it for him and it wasn’t my sadism kicking in, either. Had I not selected it for him and I were to find it drying in the bathroom, I would not be disgusted. Amused, yes. Wondering how often he masturbates, yes. Fingering it, yes. Trying to come up with an appropriate chick name for it, yes. Inclined to throw it at a wall near his head and laugh as it sticks for a moment before sliding down, yes. Disgust or shame does not enter the equation anywhere.

Oh, and you will definitely find it in the bathroom unless there’s a special section in a cabinet that it can dry in. A little Fleshlight Ice loft, so to speak. It takes a while to dry thoroughly and unless you think mildew is sexy, you need to give it enough time. Depending on how often you masturbate… well, you get me. Planning may be involved. If family is coming over for dinner, maybe you should wait for your little rendezvous with the Fleshlight Ice until the coast is clear.

Based on what I’ve read, the Fleshlight Ice is worth every dime because not only does it feel fantastic, it’s also made with quality materials that will last a long time provided that this luxury toy is cared for properly. In sum, it is a pretty swank sex toy.

HUZZAH!

The Naked Truth

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Lelo Gigi provided by Tabu Toys

Mimi

My first experience with ejaculation occurred a few years ago and it was a complete surprise. I bent over and smelled the large stain on my bed to make sure I hadn’t peed myself. The whole time I was laughing – it didn’t even matter what happened. It was all too funny. And I didn’t concern myself much with it because, as far as I could remember, I hadn’t deviated much from my normal masturbation routine. So it was a fluke, as far as I could tell. Also, it wasn’t an earth-shattering experience. It was just a really funny, messy one.

In the past few months I’ve become much more interested in female ejaculation, partially from my own curiosity and partially on account of being a sex toy reviewer. I have duties, after all. It seems like squirting all over my bed is one of those duties.

As soon as I saw the Gigi, I wanted it. I’m a sucker for lovely objects. I bought a “fancy”, expensive bicycle once because I thought it was beautiful, without knowing anything else about the bicycle. Even after reading the less-than-glowing reviews for Gigi, I was committed to introducing it to my g-spot.

When Joseph told me we’d be receiving a Gigi, I squealed like a pre-teen meeting the Jonas Brothers at a concert. Some of the girlish enthusiasm subsided a bit (um, I was in Getting Married Oh Fuck mode), but when Gigi came I was still thoroughly excited. It’s truly an exquisite looking toy. It comes in a black gift box with “LELO” centered on the lid, carefully contained in a black hard plastic molded to fit the Gigi perfectly. Below the hard plastic you’ll find a white satin pouch (to keep the Gigi in if you get rid of the box), a charger, manual, and 1-year warranty.

The first time was a bit ho-hum as I went through each setting and tested the intensity, but nevertheless I immediately observed parts of the toy I found appealing. For one thing, Gigi locks so it will not ever start up unless you want it to and that’s quite nice. Secondly, it’s quiet, even on the higher settings. Third, the placement of the control pad forces me to rather awkwardly hold the Gigi, but it makes it really easy to change the settings whenever I want. And really, you get used to holding it differently. Fourth, it’s hard so it could offer the kind of pressure I wanted against my g-spot.

My only complaint about the toy is the high pitch hum that occurs on the two lowest settings. Grating, really. Thankfully, I didn’t need to use those settings much at all. I could see some women taking issue with the size of the Gigi, which is only 6.5″ x 1.4″, so you don’t have a whole lot of room for maneuvering.

After a few sessions with the toy – which holds a charge really well, by the way – I am pleased to report that I successfully ejaculated every time. Pleased mostly because it was an interesting/amusing/”special” experience – only twice did I actually feel physically better because of it. My point is that, similar to the Fun Wand, don’t set yourself up with this goal to make a big damn mess in bed. Go ahead and put a towel or two down, but then forget about it. Close your eyes and move in the way that feels right at the time. Your g-spot more than likely needs a lot of exclusive attention, so offer that attention and see what happens.

It might sound creepy, but I really enjoy opening the box, running a finger along the silky Deep Rose silicone, and closing the box. It’s still, first and foremost, a great looking toy no matter what anyone says about its size or the control pad. Whether or not it’s more than an attractive piece of machinery depends on your individual needs. My needs have been met. And met. And met. And met some more.

Joseph

I admit that even though I don’t have a G-spot for the Gigi’s lovely Deep Rose head to stimulate, I was rather excited about receiving it. Thus far, this is the geekiest sex toy that we have had the chance to review. Right out of the box it looks and feels more like something that Steve Jobs would be touting than something intended to go inside one’s vagina. I dream of a day when those two are the same.

It has a multi-function LED indicator light, a wonderful rechargeable battery, and the controls are buttons in the shape of a wheel. Sound familiar? Judging by the aesthetic design, it may as well be call the iSquirt.

In addition to looking like something you would pay too much for at Best Buy, it has five pre-programmed vibration settings as well as user controlled intensity. That means you can have any of the five vibrate at pretty much any speed that you want. That’s cool.

Because of the width of the base, it is extremely easy to use on someone else. The button wheel does not get in the way at all while rhythmically pushing it in and out. It would not hurt if it were a little longer as that would make it easier to hold on to.

Until a manufacturer makes a male sex toy this cool I will continue to secretly pine for a vagina of my very own.

The Naked Truth:

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The Gigi’s only drawback: LOTS of dirty towels.

Divine Vibrator provided by Babeland

Joseph

The Divine Vibe by Doc. Johnson is somewhat less than divine. Or at least, that what it seems like from my perspective.

That’s the thing, my perspective, as one without a vagina is somewhat limited about things like g-spot stimulators and vibrators meant to be inserted into said non-existent vagina. Therefore, I’ll just break down the dimensions and logistics of this bad mama jama.

The Divine Vibe is an 8” x 1 ¾” variable speed vibrator that has a curvature intended to stimulate the G-spot internally. It is made of ABS (the same stuff as Lego blocks) plastic which is a durable and recyclable plastic made comprised of a mix of elastomer, rubber, and hard plastic. ABS will dissolve when exposed to acetone, so no harsh cleaners.

The vibe comes in two colors, “Yin and Yang” (read: Black and White to the non-marketing goon) and is packaged in a mostly clear plastic container that says “Harmony” for reasons we cannot discern.  It takes two AAA batteries which are not included and has a single button to control the speeds (low, medium, high). I feel kind of silly because it seems like I should be able to figure this out, but there is a symbol on the box and the bottom to the vibe that confuses me. It is a trashcan with a big X over it. I guess this means that this toy must not be thrown away…so….what should you do with it when you are finished getting in sync with your inner core? This? Really, click on that link. It is worth it.

As far as using it on someone, it is pretty easy on the hand. The big, bulbous base makes it very easy to grip and maneuver and the ABS keeps the temp nice and slightly cool.

Because if you don’t “close cap tightly” bad things could happen.

Mimi

Let me just start by saying that I have an odd relationship with g-spot vibrating toys. I tend to dislike them. (I’ll write more about this for our upcoming Lelo Gigi review.) Still, I am open to experimentation and Doc. Johnson’s Divine Vibe could be used in various other ways, so I decided to give it a try.

I received the Yin (black) Doc. Johnson’s Divine Vibe and after pressing the button down toward the battery compartment three times to feel the three different settings, I was pretty convinced that I might actually have a clitoral orgasm with this toy. The low and middle setting are worthy yet the highest setting is the one I used the most.

It didn’t happen. I tried on several occasions, and although it felt good, it didn’t feel close to good enough. I ended up pulling out my Hitachi every time.

We decided that Joseph should use it on me while I use the Hitachi to see how it feels inside me as well as handled by another person.

That was a whole lot of vibrating.

Due to the width and shape of the Divine Vibe, I felt rather “full” while it was inside me. Eventually I had a clitoral orgasm, which felt good. It was a slow burn.

Then I went to wash the Divine Vibe and realized there is a tiny crevice between the “head” of the vibrator and those three ridges in the center. This tiny crevice is a collector, and it is hard to clean. At least it’s waterproof and you can submerge and scrub to your heart’s content. Maybe you don’t care about something as tiny as that crevice.

Maybe you should go masturbate with some Legos then. At least you could build cool shit afterwards.

As I mentioned, it is waterproof and it functions really well as a vibrator that lives in the bathroom and is used on my clit occasionally in the shower as a warm-up. And it does feel great in that capacity. It teases while stimulating because you need more, and that’s where other toys or partners come in. Hopefully.

Divine? More like Pretty Good to Have Around.

The Naked Truth:

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Jesus: Yo, B! Who the hell is this lumpy fool?

Buddha: I dunno, but he a jive-ass sucka!