I Rub My Duckie Bondage provided for review by Vibrator.com

Mimi

There are two things I think I should mention right away –

1. I’m not really into animal shaped, cutesy toys.

2. It takes a lot to please my clit, especially with the medication I’ve been taking recently.

This is the perspective that I am coming from, yet I still wanted an I Rub My Duckie of my own. Of course, we needed the Bondage version, the second release of the Collector’s Series. With its lace up “leather” corset , red ball gag, tattoo, and miniature handcuffs, it’s really cute and fun. If someone were to see it through the clear shower doors, they probably would just assume that it’s another silly thing in our apartment full of many silly things.

The Bondage Duckie is easy to hold, even while wet, and most of its use, for me, has occurred as a warm up in the shower. There is only one level of vibration and it is centered mostly in the duck body, felt the strongest through the tail end. The vibration feels very good and can cover a broad area, but I have not been able to have an orgasm. Like I said, it serves as a good warm up toy that I can leave in the shower and smirk at from time to time.

The only outright annoyances come from the battery compartment and the method by which you can turn the vibration on or off. I didn’t mind the battery compartment requiring the use of a screwdriver because, honestly, if they die on me I’ll switch to my hand or get out of the shower to use a different toy. However, if the idea of being interrupted at all while masturbating is unsettling to you, then you should probably go for a different vibrator. In order to turn the vibrator on or off, you have to squeeze the Bondage Duckie at the base of the neck. You know how there are stuffed animals in grocery stores and such that sing songs or speak, and all you need to do is “PRESS HERE”? You know how sometimes the pressing is more like “SQUEEZE AS HARD AS YOU CAN IN THIS GENERAL AREA AND HOPE FOR THE BEST”? Yeah…. So we understand each other.

No Trash!

These complaints, in my opinion, are minor. Does anyone buy vibrators like these actually expecting to get off effectively? I don’t know. Considering the way my body functions, I wouldn’t. The Bondage Duckie is a luxury toy in the sense that it is enjoyable and certainly a fun item to have in your collection, but it’s completely non-essential.

Joseph

Ok…so it’s a rubber duckie (usually associated with toddlers) that is covered in bondage gear (only associated with toddlers if you like federal penitentiaries) that you are meant to vibrate your vagina with. That’s not weird. Not at all.

Of course, I am being obtuse. This is one of those discreet sex toys meant to be kept in plain site without raising more than an eyebrow. It does a good job of that.

Beyond that, it is pretty easy to use from the partner’s perspective. It is easy to hold and the vibration is fairly easy to direct. It still weirds me out a little bit, though….

“You like that duckie? Yeah, you like it?” See? Weird.

I don’t suppose I should be too weirded out though, many sex toys resemble baby toys.

One more thing. It can never be completely sterilized so no sharing unless you’re fluid bonded.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics:

Intensity:

Volume:

Ease of Cleaning:

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Ahem…

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Basic Essentials Softee provided for review by Eden Fantasys

Joseph

Marketing Guy 1:
What do chicks love?

Marketing Guy 2:
My Dick!

MG 1 & 2:
WOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHH!

MG 1:
No seriously, though…they love pink…and….and….

MG 2:
My Dick!

MG 1:
Textures! Let’s make a vibrator that is pink and covered in texture of some kind.

MG 2:
But let’s make the texture removable so I can put it on My Dick!

MG 1:
Um..sure…

Expert tip for guys — don’t turn the sheath inside out and try to use it as a sleeve. Just don’t.

And they made it in China cause it is cheaper and put “SOLD AS NOVELTY ONLY…This product is intended for use as a novelty product only. For external use only.” Yep. It is a vibrating dildo that is not meant for internal use.

Ok, so that endearing disclaimer aside, let’s talk material. The outer sheath is made of TPR which is pretty easy to clean (assuming it doesn’t have a million little bumps all over it) but can not be disinfected. The vibrator itself is ABS, a mix between elstomer, rubber and hard plastic. Same story there, easily cleaned but impossible to disinfect. It is, however recyclable (probably not with the motor in it, though).

The Basic Essentials Softee takes one AA battery and has an adjustable speed dial at the base to control the speed of vibration. It is water proof and oh-so-pink.

Don’t buy it.

Mimi

When EdenFantasys offered the Basic Essentials Softee to us for review, I accepted the offer thinking our experience could go one of two ways –

1. It would be a simple toy that is surprisingly exciting and novel in its sensation.
2. It would be uncomfortable and oh so ho-hum.

After getting its soft, nubbed pink body out of the packaging, I immediately tested the dial-control for vibration range, intensity, and ease of use. I found it promising. Plus, there’s something about the physical sensation of turning a dial that I really enjoy. Don’t try to make sense of it. I’m just mentioning this because the dial turning may be the thing I like most about this toy.

(Oh yeah, it’s like that.)

Joseph removed the TPR shell – the nubby sleeve which reminds me of art history freshman year – exposing a much more simplistic, “traditional” vibrator beneath. Still pink. Still could go either way.

I could see being excited about the idea of having two toys in one, but really this is more like getting no toys at all. And then crying.

Why? Well….

Most of the intensity is in the “head”, which is smooth, not nubbed like the rest of it. I guessed the point of the nubbiness then was to stimulate the vulva in a new way. Guessed wrong. It feels like a lubricated gelatin mace is groping me.

Although the vibration did feel good, it wasn’t really strong enough to push me over the edge. So it might be good for some warm-up foreplay or orgasm control, but otherwise it’s a big fat disappointment.

While it was inside me I kept thinking, “This might feel good without those nubs.” It wasn’t painful, per se. It was just uncomfortable. Yes, I know – you can remove the nubby texture. The problem with the intensity is still present.

Since the Basic Essentials Softee has a removable sleeve and it’s waterproof, cleaning is easier than it would be if… say… there were no water in the world anywhere ever and you were dead. Okay, I’m exaggerating. However, it’s no exaggeration that cleaning the TPR nubby sleeve is a pain in the ass. In fact, considering the Basic Essentials Softee cannot be sterilized in any way, you may want to go ahead and use a condom with each use anyway. Voila! Clean-up is easier.

Or buying a different toy altogether. That might be easier.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics:

Intensity:

Volume:

Ease of Cleaning:

Functionality:

Overall:

(Bad) Dream of the Sex Toy Reviewer’s wife

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Triple Crown Vibrating Beads provided for review by Babeland

Joseph

I am rather inexperienced with anal toys of all kinds. The only one that I’ve ever used other than the Bona Dea (what this product is called everywhere but Babeland) is the Flexi Felix. With that in mind, I do not endorse this product.

Although it feels pretty good when you actually get it in and all the beads are vibrating, it has some HUGE design flaws that prevent its comfortable use. But before I get into that, let’s talk about its construction.

The Bona Dea is a set of three beads with an independently controlled vibrating bullet in each bead. It is 6-1/2″ x 1-1/8″ and is made from 100% silicone which makes it silky smooth and easy to disinfect. The bullets are made from hard plastic, have a push-button on/off control and last for about 40 minutes. They take two LR41 (tiny watch) batteries a piece. These batteries will run you about $ .50 each if you need to replace them.

Now that you have an idea of just what it is, allow me to tear it to shreds. I have enough complaints that I am actually going to employ the list method of bitching. It is more scientific.

1. Those fucking vibrating bullets: They need TWO tiny little batteries to work and only last for 40 minutes. They are made of hard plastic which means that they cannot be disinfected. They twist apart so you can replace the aforementioned tiny batteries. That means there is a large opportunity for feces and bacteria to get inside of them and fester. The on/off control is placed in the same spot that you have to push in order to insert the Bona Dea. That makes accidentally turning them on and off inevitable.
2. The removal key: This is an included metal hook that is the only way to remove those fucking vibrating bullets. You must cram it down the hole that a bullet rests in, turn in 90 degrees, and then yank it out hard. Think about that for a moment. BEFORE you can clean this thing that has been in an ass, you must grab it, shove a metal thing down a small hole, then pull a hard plastic bullet that has also been in said ass out and it ain’t easy. You have to hold on to the beads to have enough leverage to pull the bullet out. F-U-N! Oh yeah, the key can scratch the beads or the bullets creating new crevices for bacteria.
3. The holes that the bullets go into: These serve as somewhat of a colon shovel. Enough said.
4. The linkage method of the beads: The beads are not linked in the middle like normal anal beads (0-0-0) but are linked at the edges (0_0_0). This both makes them harder to remove and makes the colon shovels more effective by stretching them upon removal. Sheesh.

Bona Dea FAIL!

It seems like it would be better to embed the bullets completely and make them rechargeable rather than the arduous and clumsily method chosen. Then the linking method could be properly done, the thing could be properly cleaned, and I wouldn’t be so infuriated.

Oooo-Sexy

Mimi

Wow… what to say… what to say…

He’s right. Pulling the Bona Dea from its stylish packaging, it looks impressive and exciting. Vibrating beads in my ass? That sounds fantastic. I’ll try anything twice.

I did try it – numerous times, actually. It does feel good once you insert them, accidentally turning one off in the process, and as they come out vibrating on an orgasmic wave. All of that is fine or great even.

Then cleaning them is terrible and not worth the previous pleasure. I repeat, Not Worth The Previous Pleasure. Even if you do it immediately, build up can occur inside the vibrating bullets, and it has for us as I’m sure it does for everyone. The poo will go where it will. Try getting it out of those little bullet crevices without damaging it. I dare you. Post a YouTube video. Convince me, please.

It won’t matter, though, because I’m totally throwing it out. Now.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics:

Ease of Cleaning:

Retention:

Experience Level:

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Good looks will only take you so far…

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!