With all the easily accessible resources online for sex toys, such as She Bop and Vibrations Direct, as well as the amount of options, it can be really overwhelming to decide what dildo to buy, especially if it’s your first time buying. In an effort to make this experience less daunting and potentially disappointing, we’ve put together a short guide.

First of all, I would encourage you to try to keep an open mind and be patient with your body. You may not really know what kind of stimulation you want. That’s okay! And if you buy something that doesn’t immediately knock your socks off, that’s okay, too. Often new toys take some getting used to, some experimentation.

Budget

You know the saying, “you get what you pay for”? That’s definitely true of most sex toys. Be prepared to spend at least $40, give or take a few bucks. Depending on your budget, this may seem like a lot to spend on stiff object to stick in your holes, but it’s totally worth it to get a good quality sex toy that you won’t need to turn around and replace in a few months. Also, these toys tend to be made of materials that you can sterilize, making them versatile and safe for continued use. There are exceptions, of course, but approach with some skepticism.

Aesthetics

Visual attractiveness is not always indicative of a product you’ll love — the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Eroscillator come to mind — but it helps if you find your soon-to-be sex toy appealing. Look over your options and try to pin down what you immediately find attractive. Do you find yourself turned on by the realistic, flesh-toned dildos? Do you prefer the dildos that look more geometric and colorful? Or perhaps some version in between? Does a certain texture look sensationally interesting? I wouldn’t pick a dildo on aesthetic alone, but it certainly helps to be aware of what you find attractive.

Size / Shape

Just as preferences for style vary, so do preferences for size or shape. Some dildos are long yet slender, others are short and wide. There are many variations. It’s probably not wise to select a particularly large or wide dildo if this is your first one, just because you may find yourself unable to use the dildo pleasurably. However, depending on your sexual experience, you may know that you prefer smaller or larger than “average” sizes.

Functionality

It’s really important to consider what functions you want this dildo to serve. Do you want it to vibrate? If so, obviously you’ll want a dildo that vibrates. Do you want it to be able to stimulate your g-spot or prostate? If so, then you want to look for a curved dildo with a bulbous tip. If you want to be able to use the dildo anally, without a condom, or possibly share it with partners, then you should buy one that is made of 100% silicone*, glass, or aluminum. These materials can be boiled in between uses to sterilize the dildo. Also, in the case of anal insertion, please look for a dildo with a wide base, such as the Tantus Curve. (You wouldn’t want to lose anything in there!)

There you have it. The basics. I hope this little guide helps you decide on which dildo to buy. Remember to keep an open mind, trust your own desires, and read product descriptions thoroughly for dimensions and material information. Happy hunting!

*Silicone toys need to be used exclusively with water-based lubricants. Silicone lubricants will destroy silicone toys.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

The Little Rooster provided for review by Gallus et Mulier Limited

Mimi

I can’t think of a better way to wake up than to have my clit stimulated, first gently and then more vigorously. The only way it could get better is if pancakes and coffee closely follow. My love of breakfast food aside, when Joseph told me about the Little Rooster, I was really excited at the prospect. It takes a lot for me to orgasm, so I didn’t expect to wake up to that particular sensation, but I still expected it to be better than waking up to cats meowing in my face or repetitive, loud beeps.

It arrived in a white box with GALLUS ET MULIER printed in black letters across it. “Cock and woman”, I believe. Overall the design is stylish in an austere way. There’s a black satin pouch (again, with “GALLUS ET MULIER” but with white text), a small manual, and a transparent sheet of paper that says (translated): “Every animal is sad after sex, except the human female and the rooster. – Claudius Galen (AD 129 – 217)”.

The Little Rooster itself has a hard, white plastic body with a small digital clock that also indicates how much battery power is left. The manual explains very clearly how to use it.

For a cordless vibrator, it can get surprisingly intense. When it started the first morning, I woke up comfortably, then waited for it to go through its whole cycle. I expected it to be done and was a bit startled when I felt it vibrate stronger rather than hear the beeping that indicated it was “done”. Applying a bit more pressure, of course, intensifies the sensation. To the extent that you may want to masturbate or have sex immediately.

I was also impressed with how well it stays in place during sleep, even for an active sleeper such as myself. It’s not terribly snug, but unless you sleep completely nude, you should be fine. One night the button that’s supposed to be in the middle during sleep slid out of position so that it didn’t go on in the morning according to the timer. Every other night is has worked fine.

Cleaning the Little Rooster is easy because aside from the texture of the seams, it is completely smooth plastic. Plus, it’s not meant to go inside you, so there’s not really an excess of bodily fluids to be concerned about. Since it’s rechargeable and the charging socket is smartly located at the flat end which rests on your pubic bone, there’s no battery compartments to worry about either.

If I were to recommend a sex toy to a friend, this wouldn’t be in the top five, especially if they don’t already own any other sex toys. However, I do appreciate it as an extra luxury, as a means of waking up without personal offence while also encouraging a… stimulating morning.

Joseph

This product appealed to me for a couple of reasons. I like innovation and I have never seen anything like The Little Rooster before so I was excited to see how this cool idea would translate into reality. Secondly the thought of having my wife wake up horny every day was pretty appealing–well ok, maybe that was my primary motivation. Being sexed awake seems like a MUCH better method than the alarm clock.

When it arrived I was rather impressed with both the packaging and the minimalistic design of the product itself. Sleek and slender, it looks fairly elegant if you can stop your brain from comparing it to a tiny spatula. The two round buttons to either side of the display are unlabelled and unobtrusive and (with the help of the instruction booklet) control the time, the alarm, and the intensity of the device. Speaking of the controls, while using the Little Rooster is fairly intuitive, if you lose the instructions, it may take awhile to remember how to do everything.

Mimi wrote about the user experience and, since I didn’t use it and it was not designed for me and my balls, I’ll leave that alone. I will note that what happens most often when she uses it is that she will half-sleep through all of the vibrations and then turn the buzzer off and go back to real sleep. This product has not induced the morning ravages that I was hoping for but that may just be due to how sleep deprived we have been lately.

Even though it failed to turn Mimi into the sex-crazy zombie that I’d hoped it would, The Little Rooster is a great product. It was an awesome idea and it was realized awesomely. One thing that I think is really appealing about it is that it is very accessible. Because of its design and ease of use, I could see many women who are normally stand offish about sex toys because they are intimidated or disgusted being completely open to a product like this. I imagine ladies in pointlessly large hats discussing the merits of their Little Rooster over tea.

There is also the possibility of using it for sexy fun times out on the town. Because it lays flat against a woman’s pubic bone it does not make a noticeable bulge in clothing. So long as you are not wearing a skin tight dress or yoga pants (which you should not do in public) no one will be the wiser. So you (or your date) can set the alarm to go off at any chosen time in the evening and viola! — the boring lecture you have to go to is more stimulating, the fancy dinner you and and your date have planned is more exciting, or lull in your workday afternoon is conquered. Just be sure to switch if off before you panties start beeping!

My business idea: The Big Rooster

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Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Fun Factory LAYAspot purchased by Kachwa

Hello, lover!

Seriously, if I could, I would walk around all day with this little beauty vibrating away in my underwear. People may start to wonder why my crotch is buzzing, but what they don’t know can’t hurt ‘em! Before I dedicate a shrine to the LAYAspot, let me go over why it is so awesome.

Fun Factory’s packaging is gorgeous. There are two flaps at the back(?) of the box that close together with magnets. The picture on the box just depicts the LAYAspot and Fun Factory’s tagline: ‘love yourself!’. The other side of the box just showcases the vibrator. No tacky, ridiculous rubbish here. Fun Factory is all class, baby (and magnets).

With the LAYAspot you get a little booklet in a ton of different languages and a small sachet of lube. I received Fun Factory’s Bodyfluid, which is their silicone-based lubricant, but others have received Toyfluid, their water-based lubricant.

Rest assured though, either silicone or water-based lube will do fine. The LAYAspot is made mostly from Elastomed, which I believe is similar in properties to silicone, but can be used with silicone lubricant. However, elastomed can not be sterillised, so either use this solo, with a condom, or with partners that you are fluid-bonded with.

It is also partially plastic. The battery cap, an area near the buttons and the middle portion of the bottom of the vibrator are the only parts in plastic. This middle portion is the one that comes into contact with or close to your clit, but it is not hard and uncomfortable.

The elastomed portions of mine smell kind of weird. I’ve washed it many times and I swear it came out of the package smelling like this. Its not offensive or really pungent, but its sort of play-doh like. I think that mine’s just an anomaly though.

The LAYAspot takes two AAA batteries, and can fit rechargeable AAAs. Its power is enough to get most people off, but not enough for the power queens or those with clits of steel. It is rather quiet and can not be heard through a closed door at its highest vibration.

There are 8 steadily increasing vibration patterns and 3 pulsation patterns. To get to the pulsation patterns just keep pressing the + button until the highest steady vibration is reached and press the + once more. To get back to the steady vibrations, just press – and you’ll go back to the highest steady vibration. The buttons sometimes have to be pressed quite hard though.

Its vibrations are more the deep and rumbly type, and not really buzzy at all. This can either be a plus or a con depending on what vibrations you prefer.

The LAYAspot has no O ring to keep it waterproof but I don’t believe it to be entirely splashproof either. When I first washed it (under the sink) very carefully, I still found water inside the battery cap. It wasn’t a lot, but I’d keep this vibe away from water just in case. To clean it I would recommend a damp cloth, wipes or water if you’re not as clumsy as I am and won’t get it into the battery cap. Do not boil the LAYAspot or run it through the dishwasher, no matter how titillating that may look.

This toy is very ergonomic in design and can be held easily in different ways to get the type of stimulation you prefer. For those of you that get off with pressure (high-five!) the LAYAspot is your sex toy. The plastic portion that comes into contact with the clit is a little concaved so it would be rather difficult to hurt your clit even with massive amounts of pressure. It can stimulate both the labia and the clitoris at the same time, so its good times all round!

The orgasms I get from the LAYAspot are ok, but they’re not amazing. The LAYAspot is like my ol’ reliable vibe. I know I will get off while using it, and my body can be very picky. If you already own luxury vibes or the Hitachi Magic Wand the LAYAspot probably won’t blow you away. Nonetheless, this is my favourite vibrator because I can get off with just it alone. And I love that.

The Naked Truth

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Of course it can also be used in case of zombie Teddys...

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!