Orchid G + Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-spot provided for review by Babeland

Zinaida

To begin with, I just want to say that on a whole, I haven’t been entirely interested in G-spot toys, or actually, the G-spot. This could be for a couple of reasons: 1) I’m fairly a newbie when it comes to sex, so I’m still completely enamored by the clit, or 2) While I know a ton about the G-spot, I’ve never really been pushed to try it—sometimes I have a hard time changing from something that’s tried and true. So, I was pretty excited to receive the Orchid G and The Smart Girl’s Guide to G-spot combo.

Opening the package for the vibrator though, the only thing I could think was, “Shit, this thing is huge!” I’m not gonna lie, I was rather intimidated by it. Its widest point is 1-3/8”, and it’s barely smaller than a large egg, as you can tell by the picture. The vibrations in this baby are hella strong though. You turn on the vibrator by twisting the bottom, and it increases in intensity the more you twist. The Orchid G on low is comparable to the Babeland Bullet on high. When V was using it for clit stimulation, I was straddling her shin, and I could feel the vibrations from her leg bone (which could make for some interesting play).

Overall though, I couldn’t get the vibe in. Ok, ok—I didn’t even TRY to get the vibe in. As I was trying and it got close, I tensed up so much I knew it was going to be hopeless. Wondering if other people had the same problem, I went on the Babeland site and looked at reviews for the Orchid G, and sure enough there were a small handful of people who said that it was too big for insertion, very hard (it’s made out of plastic), or awkward. It is waterproof though, which is always great bonus in a toy.

The partner to this combo, The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-spot by Violet Blue, is an extremely educational book. For those who don’t know a lot about the G-spot and would like to, this book would be a great place to start. She outlines female anatomy, finding the G-spot and what to do with it, tips for talking about it with a partner, and female ejaculation. The book is an easy read, and it’s nice having lots of G-spot information in one place. The very end also has an index of online shopping, resources, recommended reading, and safe sex information.

However, I did have a couple of problems with the book:

1. There are four porn interludes written by erotica writer Alison Tyler. Now, I could go off on how these stories were filled with your classic cheesy porn type of writing, or how some of them gave off an anti-feminist air, but I won’t. I will say, however, that these stories seemed like propaganda. They were simply a reiteration in story form of what Violet Blue had already written, and that plus the bad writing were off-putting to me.

2. Toward the end of the book, the G-spot almost disappears completely. Instead, the writing begins to focus on anal sex, clit stimulation, and BDSM. But, more on that later.

Overall, I do think that this is a good combo set. The vibrator seems great; my body just needs a smaller one. The book is very informative, but I felt like by the end of it I should have wanted to explore G-spot stimulation. Instead, I’m still not that interested in trying it out yet.

Vita

Before I say anything else, I think Babeland has a great idea in selling these two together; I’m all for combo sets that save you money. However, this one, to me, had two major flaws.

As a girl who only wears junior size tampons, I was a little startled by the Orchid G. Things never look quite as big online as they do in real life. This was the cause of Flaw #1: the Orchid G proved too big for little me, even with lube. As a clitoral vibrator, it’s great; it’s actually the strongest of all my toys (yes, everything I own is still battery-operated), and that was a fun discovery. Its Very Big Head felt great against me, and the twist at the bottom to control it was convenient enough. That same Very Big Head, though, has yet to fit where the book said I should put it. This seems like a shame, since the combination of strong vibrations and Very Big Head promises to be delightful…one day.

Now, onto the book. I’ve heard about it before but never had the chance to read it; g-spots intrigue me but I’m mostly an external stimulation kind of girl. Nonetheless, I found the first half of the book full of information that made me a little bit more curious than I had been. The writing style occasionally can be too cutesy for my taste, but the background, anatomy lesson, and general informative tidbits were useful and interesting. I have two major qualms with this book, however, that I’m adding up to make Flaw #2.

First, an entire chapter as well as parts of other chapters felt completely unnecessary and unrelated, like Z mentioned. Chapter 6, entitled “faster, deeper, more!”, was supposedly about ways to enhance g-spot play; specifically, she went into detail about anal sex, oral sex, and power play. And she did indeed go into detail: she covered the basics of anal, plugged her book The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus, and gave a variety of S/M options that seemed likely to scare off a beginner. In each section was a brief reference to how playing with the g-spot was great in addition to these tactics, but it felt tacked on, and I didn’t need pages on “Getting Started with Anal Penetration” to tell me that.

Second, there was erotica. Don’t get me wrong – I love erotica, when it’s well written and I’m in the perfect mood to enjoy it. But when I’m halfway through learning about my g-spot and I’m hesitant about the entire ordeal, a short story that feels like thinly veiled propaganda (to steal Z’s analogy) isn’t going to do anybody any good. I know it’s impossible to please everyone when it comes to erotica, but I feel like the chances aren’t in Violet Blue’s favor. Not only did the stories come across as didactic and/or forced, but they were unnecessary. I almost didn’t read the last two, but I’m glad I did, because they introduced me to great phrases like “to collect a fresh dose of your honeyed juices” and “I’m going to take you even further—to a tropical island called ‘coming together’”—not really what I cared about in an otherwise educational read.

All that said, there was a good deal of information in the book, and I wouldn’t by any means discount it. I wasn’t as huge a fan as I expected to be, but it’s certainly not a bad book. I love the idea of packaging it together with a vibrator to make the exploration that Violet Blue talks about at length convenient and easy, but at least for us, this combination didn’t do it. Now, if there were vibrator or size options for the combo, that could come closer to doing the trick. In the meantime, though, I’m quickly becoming a fan of the Orchid G for clit stimulation.

The Naked Truth

Orchid G

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Functionality: (well, for external use)

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The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-spot

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Awww, what a cute pussy.

Xtreme Pack Mini G-Spot Bullet provided for review by Tabu Toys

Mimi

The Xtreme Pack Mimi G-spot Bullet is a brightly coloured green and purple with flashing red lights, a toy reminiscent of a handheld video game system, minus the PEW-PEW shooting noise. It really does seem like a toy.

But the Xtreme Pack means business. The 2.25″ x 1″ bullet vibrator plugs into a plastic and rubber controller with buttons to increase intensity, change the setting, or turn it off. As you increase the intensity, red lights appear or disappear in a crescent across the controller. The controller is pretty easy and straight-forward. You can handily rest it on your chest while masturbating, changing the settings periodically with ease. The bullet itself is designed with a curve at the end to stimulate the g-spot, but it also works well for stimulating the clit. It takes two AA batteries, which are not included.

I didn’t really enjoy it inside me, regardless of the setting or intensity. It just felt like my pelvis was vibrating and I really didn’t feel like it was assisting me in any way. Most of its use has been external, against my clit. I varied my use between the tip and the wider backside of the bullet. If you’ve never used a bullet vibrator before, you should know that as you are holding the bullet, you can feel all of the vibration in your fingers. As you make the bullet vibrate more intensely, the sensation may become distracting in your fingers. Some women experience this, some women don’t or they get used to it. At first it irritated me (as it does with every new bullet I try), but eventually I got used to it.

Although I did not reach orgasm on even the highest setting, I do believe that if I were not on medication at this time, it would have been more likely to happen. Or if I wasn’t so stressed out. In other words, if your body is not giving you the silent treatment like mine is, you’d probably get more out of the Xtreme Pack. Due to the fact that this vibrator takes AA batteries, its intensity and power can only reach so high. It does not compare to a plug-in or a rechargeable vibrator. So even though it calls itself “Xtreme”, it’s really not. The Xtreme Pack is kind of in a grey area for me, a middle ground where I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it either and it therefore becomes best explained with a shrug.

What you can’t see is that those lights blink like an epileptic nightmare.

Joseph

I have no problem with the concept or actual use of this product. A G-spot bullet on a long cord attached to a very easy to use control panel. It has 5 speed and 7 settings. That’s cool. It is pretty powerful for what it is and the materials are not great but they are not awful.  There is not really anything inherently wrong with this product. However….

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE COLOR CHOICES AND THE NAME? Xtreme Pack G-spot Bullet? Seriously? What makes it xtreme (extreme even) and why is it neon green and purple. Is the target market 12 year old boys?

The confounding color choices, the name, and the fact that the package claims that this product has a “soft rubber cote” leads me to believe that  the marketing people were drunk when they approved this one. Or maybe they had been watching too many Mountain Dew commercials…

Hey Joseph, what’s a cote?

That’s a very good question. I’ll tell ya what a cote is. A small shelter for domestic animals (as sheep or pigeons). Yep. Don’t believe me? Look.

I could understand this screw up if the producer was a Japanese sex toy company. They have a notioursly hard time translating. Guess who the manufacturer is. Freaking Cal Exotics. From California.

I’ll wrap this post up with a call to action.

Why not write Cal Exotics and ask them how they managed to cover your sex toy with a soft rubber shelter for domestic animals?

The Naked Truth

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So EXTREME they had to remove the first E from Mimi & Joseph on Vimeo.

Lelo Gigi provided by Tabu Toys

Mimi

My first experience with ejaculation occurred a few years ago and it was a complete surprise. I bent over and smelled the large stain on my bed to make sure I hadn’t peed myself. The whole time I was laughing – it didn’t even matter what happened. It was all too funny. And I didn’t concern myself much with it because, as far as I could remember, I hadn’t deviated much from my normal masturbation routine. So it was a fluke, as far as I could tell. Also, it wasn’t an earth-shattering experience. It was just a really funny, messy one.

In the past few months I’ve become much more interested in female ejaculation, partially from my own curiosity and partially on account of being a sex toy reviewer. I have duties, after all. It seems like squirting all over my bed is one of those duties.

As soon as I saw the Gigi, I wanted it. I’m a sucker for lovely objects. I bought a “fancy”, expensive bicycle once because I thought it was beautiful, without knowing anything else about the bicycle. Even after reading the less-than-glowing reviews for Gigi, I was committed to introducing it to my g-spot.

When Joseph told me we’d be receiving a Gigi, I squealed like a pre-teen meeting the Jonas Brothers at a concert. Some of the girlish enthusiasm subsided a bit (um, I was in Getting Married Oh Fuck mode), but when Gigi came I was still thoroughly excited. It’s truly an exquisite looking toy. It comes in a black gift box with “LELO” centered on the lid, carefully contained in a black hard plastic molded to fit the Gigi perfectly. Below the hard plastic you’ll find a white satin pouch (to keep the Gigi in if you get rid of the box), a charger, manual, and 1-year warranty.

The first time was a bit ho-hum as I went through each setting and tested the intensity, but nevertheless I immediately observed parts of the toy I found appealing. For one thing, Gigi locks so it will not ever start up unless you want it to and that’s quite nice. Secondly, it’s quiet, even on the higher settings. Third, the placement of the control pad forces me to rather awkwardly hold the Gigi, but it makes it really easy to change the settings whenever I want. And really, you get used to holding it differently. Fourth, it’s hard so it could offer the kind of pressure I wanted against my g-spot.

My only complaint about the toy is the high pitch hum that occurs on the two lowest settings. Grating, really. Thankfully, I didn’t need to use those settings much at all. I could see some women taking issue with the size of the Gigi, which is only 6.5″ x 1.4″, so you don’t have a whole lot of room for maneuvering.

After a few sessions with the toy – which holds a charge really well, by the way – I am pleased to report that I successfully ejaculated every time. Pleased mostly because it was an interesting/amusing/”special” experience – only twice did I actually feel physically better because of it. My point is that, similar to the Fun Wand, don’t set yourself up with this goal to make a big damn mess in bed. Go ahead and put a towel or two down, but then forget about it. Close your eyes and move in the way that feels right at the time. Your g-spot more than likely needs a lot of exclusive attention, so offer that attention and see what happens.

It might sound creepy, but I really enjoy opening the box, running a finger along the silky Deep Rose silicone, and closing the box. It’s still, first and foremost, a great looking toy no matter what anyone says about its size or the control pad. Whether or not it’s more than an attractive piece of machinery depends on your individual needs. My needs have been met. And met. And met. And met some more.

Joseph

I admit that even though I don’t have a G-spot for the Gigi’s lovely Deep Rose head to stimulate, I was rather excited about receiving it. Thus far, this is the geekiest sex toy that we have had the chance to review. Right out of the box it looks and feels more like something that Steve Jobs would be touting than something intended to go inside one’s vagina. I dream of a day when those two are the same.

It has a multi-function LED indicator light, a wonderful rechargeable battery, and the controls are buttons in the shape of a wheel. Sound familiar? Judging by the aesthetic design, it may as well be call the iSquirt.

In addition to looking like something you would pay too much for at Best Buy, it has five pre-programmed vibration settings as well as user controlled intensity. That means you can have any of the five vibrate at pretty much any speed that you want. That’s cool.

Because of the width of the base, it is extremely easy to use on someone else. The button wheel does not get in the way at all while rhythmically pushing it in and out. It would not hurt if it were a little longer as that would make it easier to hold on to.

Until a manufacturer makes a male sex toy this cool I will continue to secretly pine for a vagina of my very own.

The Naked Truth:

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The Gigi’s only drawback: LOTS of dirty towels.