Now, onto our new GR’s – Vita and Zinaida! They were our winners from our What Are You Thankful For? Contest in which they won an Under The Bed Restraint System. After writing back to us about their experience, we decided they’d be perfect Guest Reviewers! You can find out more about them (and check out their sexy pictures) by clicking on their linked names above.

Enjoy!

- Mimi & Joseph

Under the Bed Restraint System (its on SALE!) provided for review by Babeland

Vita

I have to admit, I’d been secretly wanting these for awhile. But they were always too expensive, and a college budget doesn’t leave much room for splurges, especially the kind that don’t involve McDonald’s and bookstores (it’s true, I’m an English major). Needless to say, having the Under the Bed Restraints delivered to my door near the end of finals week was about the greatest care package I’ve gotten during four years at school. Once school responsibilities were out of the way, we set up—or more accurately, Z set up—the restraints. My job was keeping the kitten away from the dangling strings.

Once set up (installed seems like too intense a word for the easy process), I got to be the guinea pig, which I have to admit is one of my favorite roles. We first had the restraints coming around the head and foot of the bed, but quickly realized that setup didn’t do much in the way of foot restraint. I could still move out to the side, in toward each other, and even slide my knees up a little. Z easily fixed that by putting the two lower restraints around the sides of the bed. That changed the whole dynamic for me; now my legs were pulled out to the sides with minimal chance of changing that. The feeling of vulnerability was a totally new sensation, and quickly erased the disappointment I’d had over the feet part of the restraints.

I wanted to take advantage of the fact that each cuff could unbuckle from the restraint, and Z didn’t really like the look of my hands up and out to my sides. We clipped both of the upper cuffs (though all four are interchangeable) to one restraint, and went for the classic arms over the head look. Both of us preferred this, though at the moment my feet were free and any pulling I did on the wrist restraints slid the entire system slightly; that would be easily fixed by feet counterbalancing the pull.

Z got sneaky and added a blindfold, which only made the entire experiment more fun. I loved the combination of restricted sight along with restricted movement. The restraint system was an easy setup and more than effective once we figured out how we wanted to use it; I think one of its great advantages is its customizability. It’s now resting under the bed with the cuffs and straps tucked in, away from the kitten and visitors, and I have no doubt that it will be pulled back out quite consistently from here on out.

Zinaida

When we got the Under the Bed Restraint System, I must say I was a little surprised by the size of the box it came in (hence the picture). I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I figured it would either be heftier or take up a lot more room.

Well, after trying this baby out, I can say that it doesn’t need heft to do the job.
I love putting things together and attaching pieces to other pieces, so I have to say that the building nerd in me was a little disappointed that it came all in one piece—no assembly required. That did, however, make it easier to quickly set up (and quickly try out). The only thing I needed to do was adjust the size of the middle connector strap so that it wasn’t too long for the length of the bed.

That is one of the great things about this system. Everything is adjustable: the connector strap in the middle, each of the four straps that go to the cuffs, and the cuffs themselves. If you ever carried a backpack and noticed how those straps adjust, this is the exactly the same (although the cuffs adjust by Velcro).

Everything in this system is black, and all the hardware is silver. All in all, it’s a rather classy piece to have lurking between your mattress and box spring.

Aesthetically, the one drawback is that the cuffs are made out of a type of felt material—not exactly hardcore when viewed up close, but V loved the way they felt. However, because everything is detachable, your own cuffs could be added with no problem. Functionally, the drawback is that if all four cuffs aren’t cuffed to something (say just her hands are, but her feet are free), then it was easy for her to shift the entire system by pulling.

Great things about this system: The coolness factor – I mean, seriously. This thing is pretty badass. The customizability – As V said, this system can morph and fit the need for a lot of different uses. And the storage – as long as I’m near the bed, it’s always close. The best part is I don’t have to put it away when we’re done with it. Huzzah!

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Craftsmanship: 5 out of 5 stars

Ease of installation: 5 out of 5 stars

Discretion: 5 out of 5 stars

Safety: 5 out of 5 stars

Overall: 5 out of 5 stars

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Fetish Pleasure Pad provided by Tabu Toys

Joseph

The Fetish Pleasure Pad is another sex toy that is technically a good idea but fails in application. Let me describe it as simply as I can. It is a soft pad with four straps and a hole in the middle. It seems like it would be frustrating to use any other dildos than the ones included because the bases would need to be of a specific size to fit through the hole. Of course, when I say “use” I mean strap said dildo wielding pad to a chair, bench, motorcycle, or whatever kind of sturdy object that you can and have fun.

Pipedream (the manufacturer) is kind enough to include two dongs (the term they use), lube and toy cleaner sample, and a blindfold in the box with the pleasure pad. The dongs are made of latex rubber and stink like you would not believe. Imagine having a condom inside your olfactory glands and then you may begin to understand. Aside from reeking, one of  the dongs is neon blue and “realistic”. The other is smaller, slimmer, and black. Both of them have very effective suction cups and will hang from a wall for days. I know that bit of information is not directly useful but I felt it was worth mentioning.

The lube is very thin but did not dry up too quickly during intercourse and seemed to work pretty well for Mimi on the dongs. We haven’t yet used the toy cleaner, so I can’t speak to how well it works.

I can’t imagine what the purpose of including a blindfold with this product could possibly be. In fact, it seems a little dangerous to me. You strap the pad to a chair, put the blindfold on, and then sexily stub your toe. Awesome.

As far as the product in use…it did not look like Mimi enjoyed it a great deal, but I’ll let her tell you about that.

It is someone’s job to design the labels of these. Think about that.

Mimi

The Shower Smoothy Dong and the Lifelike Dong that came with the Please Pad butchered any fantasy I had about this toy being sexually satisfying. It’s not because the Lifelike Dong is blue or that they’re both floppy rubber, although the material itself helped. They killed it because they smell like offensively cheap floral soap mixed with latex. Can you imagine wanting to put that inside your body?

And I don’t mean a faint smell that you only notice if you press your nose against the toy. Our bathroom, where the toys currently live, smells like those Dongs. It’s a hell of a time to run out of incense, let me tell you.

The pad itself is easy to install and clean, especially if you have a standing shower or if you’re so accustomed to washing items by hand that you could do it in your sleep. If you don’t have space to let it dry out conveniently (and discreetly), that may be reason enough not to purchase this item. There would be no mistaking what this is on a clothes line.

The suction cups, although amusing to childish hooligans like us (see photo of Dong stuck to bathroom mirror), are actually practical – they help keep the Dongs in place while you’re using them. If you can get into the Pleasure Pad, you definitely don’t want it moving on you.

Due to this simplistic design approach, I can see why someone might really enjoy the Pleasure Pad. Sure, when I was a little girl, I used to love straddling the arm of chairs, then rocking back and forth. I get the idea. But I still didn’t like this toy. Aside from having to surpass a psychological hurdle against putting a foul smelling object inside my body, the Pleasure Pad mostly felt awkward and inefficient.

We joked almost the whole time, first about the totally arbitrary “free” black eye mask, then about the positions I had to assume just for the Lifelike Dong to hit my g-spot. The Lifelike Dong is not really firm enough, and that combined with humping a wooden stool/piano bench/chair (i.e., something hard) equates to fairly high percentage of frustration. The Shower Smoothy Dong felt a little more than decent in my butt…

I guess that’s representative of my whole point, though. The Pleasure Pad is remarkably, amazingly okay. At best. Really it just made me want to attack Joseph and get it done proper. So the Pleasure Pad did create a memorable experience between myself and my fiancé, but not in the way intended.

It is hard to come up with picture ideas for every product, ok? Get off our back!

The Naked Truth:

Intensity: 2 out of 5 stars

Volume: N/A

Aesthetic design: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Versatility: 3 out of 5 stars

Ease of cleaning: 4 out of 5 stars

Overall: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!