First of all, I would encourage you to try to keep an open mind and be patient with your body. You may not really know what kind of stimulation you want. That’s okay! And if you buy something that doesn’t immediately knock your socks off, that’s okay, too. Often new toys take some getting used to, some experimentation.

Budget

You know the saying, “you get what you pay for”? That’s definitely true of most sex toys. Be prepared to spend at least $40, give or take a few bucks. Depending on your budget, this may seem like a lot to spend on stiff object to stick in your holes, but it’s totally worth it to get a good quality sex toy that you won’t need to turn around and replace in a few months. Also, these toys tend to be made of materials that you can sterilize, making them versatile and safe for continued use. There are exceptions, of course, but approach with some skepticism.

Aesthetics

Visual attractiveness is not always indicative of a product you’ll love — the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Eroscillator come to mind — but it helps if you find your soon-to-be sex toy appealing. Look over your options and try to pin down what you immediately find attractive. Do you find yourself turned on by the realistic, flesh-toned dildos? Do you prefer the dildos that look more geometric and colorful? Or perhaps some version in between? Does a certain texture look sensationally interesting? I wouldn’t pick a dildo on aesthetic alone, but it certainly helps to be aware of what you find attractive.

Size / Shape

Just as preferences for style vary, so do preferences for size or shape. Some dildos are long yet slender, others are short and wide. There are many variations. It’s probably not wise to select a particularly large or wide dildo if this is your first one, just because you may find yourself unable to use the dildo pleasurably. However, depending on your sexual experience, you may know that you prefer smaller or larger than “average” sizes.

Functionality

It’s really important to consider what functions you want this dildo to serve. Do you want it to vibrate? If so, obviously you’ll want a dildo that vibrates. Do you want it to be able to stimulate your g-spot or prostate? If so, then you want to look for a curved dildo with a bulbous tip. If you want to be able to use the dildo anally, without a condom, or possibly share it with partners, then you should buy one that is made of 100% silicone*, glass, or aluminum. These materials can be boiled in between uses to sterilize the dildo. Also, in the case of anal insertion, please look for a dildo with a wide base, such as the Tantus Curve. (You wouldn’t want to lose anything in there!)

There you have it. The basics. I hope this little guide helps you decide on which dildo to buy. Remember to keep an open mind, trust your own desires, and read product descriptions thoroughly for dimensions and material information. Happy hunting!

*Silicone toys need to be used exclusively with water-based lubricants. Silicone lubricants will destroy silicone toys.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

G Curve Dildo by Tantus provided for review by Babeland

Mimi
We received the G Curve months ago, after I saw several other reviews for it and thought it looked promising, despite the fact that I typically prefer dildoes made of hard materials. A few immediate things going for it:

1. It’s made of silicone.
2. It’s a dildo curved for g-spot stimulation.
3. It has a wide base so it could be used anally or in a strap-on.
4. It’s a wonderful shade of purple.

Still, it took us awhile to start using it. When a dildo of some kind was needed, I went for my spaceship. The first time we used it, I was not particularly impressed with it. It stayed in the drawer longer, unused. Finally, as the necessity for a review approached, we started using it more and it has grown on me as I’ve learned more about it.

As with most sex toys, the G Curve offers a particular sensation. The g-spot stimulation I experience with the G Curve is not pointed and intense, as it would be with a finger or a slender, bulbous ended toy, but rather a general (well-directed) pressure. The G Curve offers a sensation of unstrained fullness, and when my body is mid-orgasm, clenching around this smooth silicone toy, I definitely feel like there is something there to grasp.

Aesthetically speaking, the toy is really attractively designed. The dark, metallic purple silicone makes this one of the more sensual-looking dildos I’ve ever seen.

Unfortunately, I have not tried this toy in a strap-on. We are not quite there yet. When we are ready to review this product in that capacity, we’ll happily expand this review.

Joseph

This thing is freaking pretty. As Mimi said, it is a sensual shade of purple but what she didn’t tell you (and the pictures may not portray) is that is has elegant marbling throughout it as well.

It measures in at 5.5″ x 1.5″ and is rather easy to use on Mimi as well because of the large base and the soft yet sturdy silicone construction. Of course, as with all silicone products, clean up is as easy as makin pasta, though I don’t recommend throwing it at the wall to see if it is done.

I see much pleasure in your future

The Naked Truth

Intensity: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Aesthetic design: 5 out of 5 stars

Versatility: 5 out of 5 stars

Ease of cleaning: 5 out of 5 stars

Overall: 5 out of 5 stars

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

The Hitachi Magic Wand is the first sex toy that I ever encountered. I saw it while my wife (then girlfriend) was getting a condom from her “toy box” and was terrified.

“That thing is freaking huge! She puts that inside of her!?! Holy shit. How am I supposed to satisfy someone used to that monstrosity?”

In case it’s not obvious, I was much less educated about sex toys than I am now. Over the years I have come to have a great respect and appreciation for the Hitachi Magic Wand. Speaking of years, it is worth noting that my wife has been using the same Magic Wand for the past 6 years. That’s quality craftsmanship.

Hitachi introduced the Magic Wand to the market in the 1970’s as a personal massager for soothing sore muscles and tendons. It vibrates at a maximum of 6,000 rpm and delivers these vibrations via a 2.5” rubberized head. Though it is certainly powerful enough to be used as a muscle massager, it is indisputably a sex toy. An iconic, legendary sex toy. Popular since its inception, the Magic Wand (commonly referred to as the “Hitachi”) was propelled to fame when Betty Dodson, a pioneer in sex education and pro-sex feminism, wrote and talked about it during the course of her career.

The Hitachi Magic Wand’s stint in the public eye did not end with Betty, though. It has been featured in many popular media venues like Sex and the City. It is also one of the most widely accessible sex toys on the market. You can buy one everywhere, from high quality sex toy stores like Babeland to crappy, shady little sex toy stores in the Bible Belt of America. Walmart and American Apparel even carry them on their websites.

Though primarily used by women, it can also be rather pleasing for men to use. The same deep, powerful, and well-dispersed vibration that makes it earth-shattering for women also feels great for men. Placed along the shaft or against the head (on low for me, thanks) can be quite fun. If you’re into anal play, you can also use it to vibrate a plug.

Surprisingly, to my knowledge there have not been any sonnets or love songs written to or about the Hitachi Magic Wand. Yet.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Shock Therapy provided for review by We Love Toys

Joseph

I’ve reached a point in my relationship with pipedream products where I really only expect to be amused by how poorly thought out and cheaply made they are. I admit that sometimes I obtain them just so I can have fun with the review. You know you love reading scathing reviews of terrible products. I love writing them, too. However, I was surprised by this product. Though the box art is still totally silly and they threw in that damn blindfold that comes with everything in the Fetish Fantasy Series. Because the more into BDSM you are the more identical cheap blindfolds (they call it a love mask) you need?

The Shock Therapy is a set that includes four gel adhesive pads, a bi-polar lead wire, and a digital power control unit. The use of the product is exactly what you would think from that list of parts: You attach the lead wire to the pads, the pads to a person, and then a small shock is delivered in the location of the pads. Unless there is any hair where you want the shock to be delivered. Of course the pads need to be directly attached to skin.

The pads themselves are reusable though the gel gets more tacky and less sticky over time and you cannot clean them so if you use this toy often you will need to buy replacement pads. That’s not really a big deal if you want to stick to non-genital shocking but if you apply these directly to an anus or vagina they should probably be replaced. Another accessory offered is the “Electro-Sex Gel” which will make the shocks more intense. Though so will any water-based lube.

The apparatus requires two AAA batteries (not included) and has some fairly obvious safety warnings. For instance, you should not use this product while operating heavy machinery, while pregnant, or if you have a pacemaker. There are several more listed on the instruction page (external use only!) but using common sense will pretty much cover it.

It actually works pretty well for what it is. Don’t get me wrong, you can still tell that this product is very cheaply made but unlike some of pipedream’s other products it is at least usable. There are three modes that you can switch between as well as a speed and intensity options that you can control. The modes are tap, modulation, and kneading. The tap is basically a throbbing sensation, the modulation feels like it is a random shift between the other two modes and the kneading mode is continuous and intense. It is nice to have the three modes to shift between and the shock of the device ranges from barely felt to almost too much to handle.

Switching between modes, speed, and power are all fairly easy and occur with the simple click of one of the buttons on the digital controller. Unfortunately if you don’t have the instructions in front of you the display is not that useful. The speed and power bars are easy enough to understand but the mode indicators and “intensity state” indicators don’t make a lot of sense.

Mimi

Having never used a product like this before, I was a bit nervous to try it out. Especially tied to a chair in our living room. The tension and anticipation is, of course, quite titillating. It may be the best part this product has to offer.

Not that I’m trying to imply there aren’t other great parts.

Joseph placed the gel adhesive pads first on my butt and the backs of my thighs. The sensation didn’t hurt at any point in time, but it was quite intense to experience. He started gently, since we’ve never done this before. I would highly recommend testing it out similarly. Though this product did not cause me any pain or serious discomfort, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone else’s reaction was much more distressed. Besides, it’s fun to know that the shocks will become more intense. Take it slow, build it up.

The three modes feels exactly how they sound — tap, modulation, and kneading. I found all three to be pleasing, though the tapping was a bit grating when prolonged. After going through the various levels of speed, intensity, and modes, I wanted to experience more and I suspected that this desire would be satisfied by the pads being placed on my nipples and my pelvis. I asked (as nicely as I could), if Joseph would do that next. He said he had already planned to, though apparently not without some spanking. I mention this for my BDSM-inclined readers out there, who can probably guess that spanking combined either before or after with electric shock produces extra sensitivity and pleasure.

After he moved the pads and began the same process as before, I was no longer capable of keeping up with what he was doing. I remember feeling almost totally overwhelmed by sensation. Obviously, I hope to do it again soon. Tied up in another compromising position.

Other than my internally confused reaction to it being called “Shock Therapy: Electro-Sex Kit”, which can at best be described as aroused and horrified at the recollection of Nurse Ratched, I really have no issues with this product. Oh, I wish that it would re-charge instead of using batteries. I won’t get into the packaging because that’s not going to change anytime soon. It’s a good product.

Shock Therapy: The Movie from Mimi & Joseph on Vimeo.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics: 4 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 5 out of 5 stars

Craftsmanship: 3 out of 5 stars

Ease of Cleaning: 1 out of 5 stars

Safety: 5 out of 5 stars

Overall: 4 out of 5 stars

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Image courtesy of Bzzingbee

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product contests, giveways, and sex toy reviews that were posted and submitted approximately between June 10th and June 24th. If you like what you see consider following the RSS Feed and Twitter for updates on further editions.

Did you miss edition 179? Read it all here. Do you have a review for edition 181? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday June 17th @ 11:59pm Pacific Time.

*Pleasurists also accepts photo submissions for the art at the top of editions! For more information click here.

Giveaways & Contests:

• James Deen DVD Giveaway: Win “The Official Jersey Shore Parody”! Deadline: June 30th @ 12:01am Eastern.
• The Studio Collection Giveaway: Win The Full Line of Vibrators, Balms & More! Deadline: June 30th @ 12:01am Eastern.
• 50 Shades of Grey Giveaway Deadline: June 30th @ 12:01am Eastern.
• Win one of 5 bottles of Give Lube Lubricant! Deadline: June 30th.
• Tracey Cox Goodies Deadline: July 1st.
• Win a Penetralia wooden sex toy! Deadline: July 5th @ 11:59pm Eastern.
• WIN an O Wow Super-Powered Ring Deadline: July 8th.
• Enter to Win the I Rub My Duckie Kitty Hoodie Vibrator! Deadline: July 12th.
• NippleCharms Giveaway! Deadline: July 13th.
• 40 Pounds of Sex Giveaway! Deadline: July 21st.
• Win “The Stepmother 4″ on DVD! Deadline: July 31st @ 12:01am Eastern.

Editor:
Quyn Fenix

Adult Product Reviews:

Vibrators

• 7 Function Wonder Bullet by Mrs JoJo
• Lovehoney Rock Box by Epiphora
• Extase Zenith by Karen Blue
• Screaming O Studio Collection Make Up Brush by Boobaloo
• Screaming O Studio Collection Lipstick by Sexy Sweepstakes
• Screaming O Studio Collection Lipstick by Boobaloo
• Screaming O Studio Collection Sexy Secrets Compact by Sexy Sweepstakes
• Screaming O Studio Collection Sexy Secrets Compact with Bullet by Boobaloo
• Screaming O Studio Collection Mascara by Sexy Sweepstakes
• Screaming O Studio Collection Mascara by Boobaloo
• Lia Pleaser 1 by Midnight Boudoir
• Tantus Panty Play by Mystress Lady Evyl
• The Little Rooster by Undressed Reviews
• Mini Bodywand by Red Vinyl Kitty
• PicoBong Kaya by Midnight Boudoir
• PicoBong Kaya by Nymphomaniac Ness
• Fun Factory Bimini Ocean by Karen
• Crave Duet by Epiphora
• Crave Duet by Kira
• Thumper Pink and Black by Karen Blue
• Sh! Bullet by Mrs JoJo
• You 2 Toys Good Times by Nymphomaniac Ness
• Jopen Vr6.5 by Kira
• Jopen Vanity Vr4.5 by Mistress Kay
• Jopen Vanity Vr3 by Beanfiddler
• Joya Tulep by Cara Sutra
• Gizmoz Vibrating Egg by solitudinarian
• We Vibe Tango by A Couple of Wankers
• LELO Tiani 2 by Karen Blue
• Wonderland Collection Heavenly Heart by Mrs JoJo
• X1 Orgasmatron by llellsee

Dildos

• Joya Natural by llellsee
• Hardwood Dildos #278 by Mistress Kay
• Rainbow Bliss by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Tantus Double Agent by Kira
• Tantus Adam by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Tantus Echo by Incendiaire
• Tantus Luke by Mrs JoJo
• Tantus Raptor by True Pleasures
• Tantus G-Spot by buzzvibe
• Pink Ring by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Bad Dragon Xenogon by llellsee
• Bad Dragon Razor, the Doberman by True Pleasures
• Vibe Therapy Discover Silicone Double Dong by Cara Sutra
• njoy Fun Wand by Epiphora

Anal Toys

• Crystal Delights Crystal Minx Tail with Plug by Mistress Kay
• Fun Factory Bendybeads by True Pleasures
• Metal Worx Teazer by Incendiaire
• Lovehoney Snug Plug Small by llellsee
• Lovehoney Snug Plug Medium by llellsee
• Nexus Glide by Incendiaire
• Jeweled Plug by Poly Grrl

Sleeves, Rings, & etc.

• Screaming O Two-O by Beanpole Fiddler
• Tenga Lovers Egg by Incendiaire
• Tenga Deep Throat by Poly Grrl
• Erolution Super Sckr by Ruffled Sheets

Harnesses

• The Dandy Fox Custom Harness by Marilyn on The Swingset
• Sh! Corset Harness by Nymphomaniac Ness

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Fun Factory Color Moi Kissable Body Paint by Mistress Kay
• Warming O Balm by Sexy Sweepstakes
• Sliquid H2O by Penny
• Cooling Orgasm Balm by Boobaloo
• Chemistry Bubble Bath Set by Teagan Shepard

BDSM/Fetish

• Pink Wrist Bondage Restraints by Mistress Kay
• Sportsheets Sex and Mischief Satin Blindfold by True Pleasures
• Pipedream Luv Pink Paddle by Kira
• Mini Nipple Suckers by Red Vinyl Kitty

Adult Books & Games

• The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Mystress Lady Evyl
• Erotic Adventure Board Game by Mistress Kay
• To Protect and Serve by buzzvibe
• Susie Bright & Aretha Bright’s Mother/Daughter Sex Advice by Technogeisha

Adult DVDs & Porn

• Casey Parker Lost in Puerto Rico by Sammi
• Sybian Rides 4 Cash – Lexi Belle by J.D. Bauchery
• Craig’s List Compulsion by Ginger Leigh
• The Devil Inside Her by J.D. Bauchery
• Locked Up by Ginger Leigh
• Seven Minutes in Heaven 2: Tender Hearted by J.D. Bauchery
• The Masseuse 3 by Sammi
• Office Romance by Ginger Leigh
• Hello Nurse by J.D. Bauchery
• Kyla’s Ironing Masturbation by Ginger Leigh
• Therapy by J.D. Bauchery
• Pretty Woman – A XXX Parody by Ginger Leigh

Lingerie

• Espiral Camouflage Short and Cami Set by True Pleasures
• Baci Lace Trim Microfiber Boyshorts by llellsee
• Dream Girl Slash Two Way Dress by Kira
• Coquette Darque Wet Look Bra Dress with Corset Back by Nymphomaniac Ness
• Crossdressing Tutu Skirt by Mistress Kay
• Latex Mini Skirt by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Dream Girl Stretch Lace Bralette and Skirt Set by Kira

Miscellaneous

• Bedroom Kandi Hold On to Me by Mistress Kay
• Clone-a-Willy Kit by Mrs JoJo
• SMP Vaginal Pump Kit by A Couple of Wankers
• Hot Date Kit by Teagan Shepard

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

The Little Rooster provided for review by Gallus et Mulier Limited

Mimi

I can’t think of a better way to wake up than to have my clit stimulated, first gently and then more vigorously. The only way it could get better is if pancakes and coffee closely follow. My love of breakfast food aside, when Joseph told me about the Little Rooster, I was really excited at the prospect. It takes a lot for me to orgasm, so I didn’t expect to wake up to that particular sensation, but I still expected it to be better than waking up to cats meowing in my face or repetitive, loud beeps.

It arrived in a white box with GALLUS ET MULIER printed in black letters across it. “Cock and woman”, I believe. Overall the design is stylish in an austere way. There’s a black satin pouch (again, with “GALLUS ET MULIER” but with white text), a small manual, and a transparent sheet of paper that says (translated): “Every animal is sad after sex, except the human female and the rooster. – Claudius Galen (AD 129 – 217)”.

The Little Rooster itself has a hard, white plastic body with a small digital clock that also indicates how much battery power is left. The manual explains very clearly how to use it.

For a cordless vibrator, it can get surprisingly intense. When it started the first morning, I woke up comfortably, then waited for it to go through its whole cycle. I expected it to be done and was a bit startled when I felt it vibrate stronger rather than hear the beeping that indicated it was “done”. Applying a bit more pressure, of course, intensifies the sensation. To the extent that you may want to masturbate or have sex immediately.

I was also impressed with how well it stays in place during sleep, even for an active sleeper such as myself. It’s not terribly snug, but unless you sleep completely nude, you should be fine. One night the button that’s supposed to be in the middle during sleep slid out of position so that it didn’t go on in the morning according to the timer. Every other night is has worked fine.

Cleaning the Little Rooster is easy because aside from the texture of the seams, it is completely smooth plastic. Plus, it’s not meant to go inside you, so there’s not really an excess of bodily fluids to be concerned about. Since it’s rechargeable and the charging socket is smartly located at the flat end which rests on your pubic bone, there’s no battery compartments to worry about either.

If I were to recommend a sex toy to a friend, this wouldn’t be in the top five, especially if they don’t already own any other sex toys. However, I do appreciate it as an extra luxury, as a means of waking up without personal offence while also encouraging a… stimulating morning.

Joseph

This product appealed to me for a couple of reasons. I like innovation and I have never seen anything like The Little Rooster before so I was excited to see how this cool idea would translate into reality. Secondly the thought of having my wife wake up horny every day was pretty appealing–well ok, maybe that was my primary motivation. Being sexed awake seems like a MUCH better method than the alarm clock.

When it arrived I was rather impressed with both the packaging and the minimalistic design of the product itself. Sleek and slender, it looks fairly elegant if you can stop your brain from comparing it to a tiny spatula. The two round buttons to either side of the display are unlabelled and unobtrusive and (with the help of the instruction booklet) control the time, the alarm, and the intensity of the device. Speaking of the controls, while using the Little Rooster is fairly intuitive, if you lose the instructions, it may take awhile to remember how to do everything.

Mimi wrote about the user experience and, since I didn’t use it and it was not designed for me and my balls, I’ll leave that alone. I will note that what happens most often when she uses it is that she will half-sleep through all of the vibrations and then turn the buzzer off and go back to real sleep. This product has not induced the morning ravages that I was hoping for but that may just be due to how sleep deprived we have been lately.

Even though it failed to turn Mimi into the sex-crazy zombie that I’d hoped it would, The Little Rooster is a great product. It was an awesome idea and it was realized awesomely. One thing that I think is really appealing about it is that it is very accessible. Because of its design and ease of use, I could see many women who are normally stand offish about sex toys because they are intimidated or disgusted being completely open to a product like this. I imagine ladies in pointlessly large hats discussing the merits of their Little Rooster over tea.

There is also the possibility of using it for sexy fun times out on the town. Because it lays flat against a woman’s pubic bone it does not make a noticeable bulge in clothing. So long as you are not wearing a skin tight dress or yoga pants (which you should not do in public) no one will be the wiser. So you (or your date) can set the alarm to go off at any chosen time in the evening and viola! — the boring lecture you have to go to is more stimulating, the fancy dinner you and and your date have planned is more exciting, or lull in your workday afternoon is conquered. Just be sure to switch if off before you panties start beeping!

My business idea: The Big Rooster

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Heartland: A woman’s POV provided for review by Good Releasing

Mimi

Heartland: A Woman’s POV is a lot like it sounds — it takes place in the midwest, there are women in it who are framed by a camera operated by a woman, and occasionally some scenes with Madison Young talking about airplanes making her hot or porn conferences or coyotes or whatever.

The beginning doesn’t start out very strong. Madison sounds like she’s high, looks like she’s very sleepy, and offers her viewers a gratuitous nipple because… why not? I would have preferred for her to dribble on slowly for 20 more minutes than show me a blurry ass close-up of her nipple. It’s like she got self-conscious and flipped on a default response. “EVERYONE LIKES TITS”. Ugh.

All of the couples are introduced via text, documentary-style, with a bit of information about them. The first couple, Nicole and Peter are a real couple in Chicago that met at a sex toy store. This was their first experience being filmed during sex. I enjoyed this couple perhaps the most because of the obvious connection and pleasure they experience in each other. They were also the least overtly performative, I felt. The second couple, Cherry and Alea, met at a kink conference and were having sex together for the first time on Heartland. The third couple, Rita Seagraves and Red Hot Megan, are regular play partners but have never been filmed. Rita Seagraves is a sex educator. Last but not least, Madison Young has sex with Billie Sweet, a former RA in the dorm Madison lived in during her college years and subject of girl crushdom.

There’s also more small scenes that involve Madison updating the viewer on her whereabouts, including a masturbation scene on a plane that more closely resembles a first year undergrad art film than porn, as well as Madison getting tattooed by a fan and “hiking” with her family. These scenes appear to function as glue for the sex scenes, similar to how a thin plot would in most porn, while also providing some insight into Madison’s personality. They struck me as being fairly pointless unless you’re a hardcore Madison Young fan.

Aside from these really self-indulgent scenes, my main complaint about Heartland is Madison Young’s style of filming, which is apparently centered around poor quality. I understand that the free hand, one shot style of filming means there’s going to be some less visually interesting moments, but there are some moments when it takes Madison (or whoever is filming) several seconds to actually put the damn camera on the people fucking. It’s like she forgot she was filming or something. There are other scenes where the camera is bouncing so much it feels like you’re inside a hamster ball. Not appealing.

I just wish she would care a little bit more about the quality of the films she produces. Just because it’s porn doesn’t mean it should exist without standards.

This isn't the kind of wood I wanted to see. Buh-dum Ching!

Favourite couple:
Nicole and Peter

Nicole and Peter’s session starts off with finger sucking, kissing, slapping, and choking where you can see little other than Nicole’s pleasure and pain as it is expressed in her face. Where else Peter’s hands and mouth wander, that’s for the viewer to imagine. Occasionally Nicole makes eye contact with the camera, and her steady, unapologetic, fired-up-and-fucking-ready gaze is titillating in itself.

They move onto anal penetration, and I really appreciate that their communication wasn’t edited out, because women (well, everyone, actually) need to feel like they can say, “Can you use the smaller dildo first, then move onto the larger one?” This shit never happens in mainstream porn, and this is one of the few instances where I feel like Young’s “POV” piece actually nails it, because sometimes you’re just not ready for a giant dildo in your ass, but that doesn’t mean you’re not down to party. Nicole wasn’t worried about being a good “porn star” then, she was taking care of her own needs and fucking the way she fucks. Perfect.

The blow job scene (or strap-on sucking scene, whichever you prefer) is one of the better ones I have ever watched, mostly because both of them seem really into it and it’s very physical. I actually forget that Peter is wearing a strap-on and that Nicole is sucking and stroking a chunk of silicone. The fantasy becomes real for me in their moans, whimpers, heavy breathing, hair pulling, writhing, and occasional moments of delighted laughter.

Other Highlights:

- Moments where Young is clearly more interested in genuine facial expressions and the intimacy of an action than generic ass and titties shots.
- Beautiful women in lingerie (oh, and the Batman boxer briefs Peter wears)
- When Cherry stuffs Alea’s panties into her mouth, and later watching Alea’s pierced nipples bouncing back and forth while Cherry holds a Hitachi Magic Wand (with a condom on it, might I add) and her high heeled foot onto Alea’s clitorous.
- When Cherry is visibly overwhelmed in every way during and post-orgasm, cheeks flushed, with a somewhat dazed expression on her face when she embraces Alea. I know that feeling. I like seeing it in other people.
- Megan’s fantastic curls and naughty girlish-ness
- Nice angle when Megan is performing oral sex on Rita so you can see what Megan is doing while also seeing Rita’s face
- When Madison and Billie were makin’ out: awesome sauce
- When Billie was worried about coming “too much” while Madison fingers her, followed by Madison laughing and encouraging her, saying something like “you can’t come too much”, was pretty endearing and sexy

Joseph

I wanted Heartland to be good. In between when we reviewed Bride of Sin and when we received this to review, I had seen that Madison Young had actually won a few awards for her work. As you may recall, I hated Bride of Sin. Fiercely. So I thought (hoped) that maybe Young had improved significantly or that Bride of Sin was a terrible fluke.

If only.

Heartland was another example of Madison Young’s complete lack of regard for any of the aspects of filmmaking that require even the smallest effort. She is obviously interested in kink and fucking and sexuality but only in terms of how it relates to her and enables her to have a good time. Heartland seems more like an excuse to fly across the country and get paid to watch people have sex than it does a serious endeavor. It is almost like the documentation and presentation quality are afterthoughts.

This porn is also known as "poorly framing shots 101."

I feel like I am being generous when assuming that the reason the quality of her films is so low is that she doesn’t care. If she really does care then it means that she is hopelessly incompetent.

I won’t go into horrible snarky detail about all of the things wrong because I feel like Mimi has covered that well and it would echo very closely what I said about Bride of Sin, but I will say that I have seen many, many self-made YouTube videos with more care and consideration taken in their production.

Her aforementioned accolades are the main issue that I have with her work. Tons of people make terrible porn all the time. That’s no big deal. But Young’s terrible porn is being congratulated. I have to believe that the reason for this is because Young is one of the few female pornographers making female-friendly work, particularly with an emphasis on bondage or rough sex. Giving Madison Young awards for the terrible, half-hearted shit that she is making actually hurts the progress made by amazing pornographic filmmakers like Shine Louise Houston, Courtney Trouble, and the unique, passionate porn stars they employ.

At the end of the credits there is a quote from Madison Young: “If I can’t fuck, it’s not my revolution.” This paraphrases Emma Goldman’s famous stance that feminism cannot be something that restricts the life-loving, fun-having, radiant aspects of women’s personalities. That if she had to be well behaved and straight-laced to be a feminist, she wanted no part of it.

I think that she made a worthwhile point when she said that because there is a real debate going on about feminist porn. Violet Blue address the issue very well here. The problem I see is that either Madison Young made a flippant statement about fucking that was well received (it was part of her acceptance speech for Hottest Kink Film at the feminist porn awards) or she really thinks that she is a front runner in the feminist movement. I’m inclined to think the latter because people keep giving her awards.

Stop it.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Sound Quality: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Creativity: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Overall: 3 out of 5 stars

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Doc Johnson’s My BFF provided for review by funlove

Joseph

This vibrator reminds me of a tentacle. An overweight one. Like maybe an octopus with low self esteem that compulsively overeats.

It is six inches long and knobby. It has a twist dial at the base that controls the strength of the vibration. Oh, and it is pink. Very pink.

Mimi

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

via Calvato

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. If you like what you see and want more of it be sure to follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists 141? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists 143? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday August 14th @ 11:59pm Pacific.

Want a shiny new toy? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Fetish Fantasy Pink Passion Bondage Kit Giveaway Deadline: August 10th @ 11:59pm Eastern.
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• Shunga Giveaway: Garden of Edo Organic Collection Deadline: August 31st.

Editor
Scarlet Lotus

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• Sweet Obsession Euphoric by Mistress Kay
• 4 Play by Ladytoybox
• LELO Alia by LadyToyBox
• Glow in the Dark Mini by Mistress Kay
• Divine Inspiration by Cella
• Horn on the Cob by Joanna Cake
• Vibe Therapy Dive by Nymphomaniac Ness
• Dotted Delight by Bitchin’ Babe
• Twilight by Rock That Mommy
• Fun Factory Angelo by Unrepentant Fatty
• Fun Factory Angelo by Bzzingbee
• Berman Venus G by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Berman Venus G by Sammi
• LELO Siri by LadyToyBox
• LELO Siri by buzzvibe
• iRide by LadyToyBox
• JeJoue MiMi by Joan Price
• bSwish bCurious by LadyToyBox
• Fun Factory Astrovibes Aries by Kisses and Kinks
• Tracey Cox Supersex Bullet by DIY Orgasms
• Ann Summers Promises by DIY Orgasms
• Fun Factory Patchy Paul G4 by Toys in Love
• Compact Discretion by Teagan Shepard
• Pirates Pendant by Teagan Shepard

Dildos

• Inked by Bob
• Laid D.1 by Nymphomaniac Ness
• Rippler by True Pleasures
• Icicles No. 24 by Nymphomaniac Ness
• Tantus Alumina Revolve by Beanfiddler

Anal Toys

• Njoy Pfun by Amber

Sleeves, Cock Rings, & etc.

• Babeland Sonic Ring Kit by LadyToyBox
• Shakers Vol 4 by DIY Orgasms

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Ann Summers “Lust” Massage Spray by Kari Rose
• Sliquid Lube Cube Sampler by Kate
• Wet Synergy +Cool Tingle by CLP
• Kama Sutra Massage Therapy Kit by Cella
• Shunga Arousal Gel by Sammi
• Maximus by Bzzingbee

BDSM/Fetish

• Bondage Boutique Leather Ball Gag by DIY Orgasms
• Dungeon Delights Metal Wrist Shackles by Mistress Kay
• Love Swing by DIY Orgasms

Adult Books & Games

• Nookii by Undressed Reviews
• Love Me Like You Hate Me by Nymphomaniac Ness
• Dr. Sadie Allison’s Toygasms! by Teagan Shepard

Adult DVDs & Porn

• Just Tease by Ginger Leigh
• Behind The Red Door – Scene 4 by J.D. Bauchery
• Lust Lovers 3 by Ginger Leigh
• The Model by J.D. Bauchery
• Madison Young’s Art House Sluts by Ginger Leigh

Lingerie

• Les Petites Culottes Panties by True Pleasures
• Burlesca Sweet Streak Ruffle Corset and Skirt Set by Joanna Cake

Miscellaneous

• LELO Luna by Ladytoybox
• Pineapple Express Pills by True Pleasures
• Condoms for a Cause by Kate
• Condoms for a Cause by Kisses and Kinks
• Ben-Wa Balls by Soshanna
• Doc Johnson Pussy Pump by Midnight Boudoir
• Ophoria K-Balls Smooth by Mistress Kay
• Spareparts Pete Packer Underwear Brief by Mistress Kay

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

The Nookii Game provided for review by Tabu Toys

Mimi

Although sex is generally a very serious matter in mainstream, western culture, that’s not an entirely accurate account of sex. There’s definitely a place for humor, for play. I feel much more intimate with someone I can laugh with during sexual escapades. So in a way, it’s great that sex games can add a lot of fun to the interaction. It becomes problematic when the fun overwhelms those lustful urges. This often happens to us when we play games – until we give up on the game and do our own thing.

Nookii is a very simple game. As the title suggests, it favours coupled action, especially of the male-female sort. There are two sets of cards – one for men and one for women – within which there are three levels of arousal – mmm’s, ooh’s, and aah’s. The mmm card is a warm-up, the ooh card is meant to be fun, and the aah card is meant to seal the deal. The game comes with dice and a timer that may or may not actually work properly (ours didn’t). There’s also the worst-blindfold-that-has-ever-existed-but-your-mom-might-wear-it-if-she-likes-scarves.

The biggest problem that I see with this game is its verbosity. Imagine having to read these directions aloud to your partner:

“Stand behind me. Run your fingers through my hair, pulling it straight back behind my ears and holding it for the duration. Breathe cool breath on my right ear, applying your tongue delicately to the edges. Repeat to the left ear. Kiss my forehead an inch above the brow of my nose. Concentrate your tongue on this area in a circular motion. While still holding my hair back, kiss the tip of my nose. Tip my head further back and kiss my lips. Rub noses with mine in an ‘Eskimo’ kissing style.”

If you read them as he goes, the actions become stunted and mechanical by the interruptions of speech. If you read them ahead of time, he will more than likely forget his lengthy instructions.

Some of the lengthy directions contain parts that don’t make much sense:

“Plant delicate kisses over his face starting with his forehead and then moving down to his cheeks, nose, upper lip and chin. Place your arms around his neck and rest on his shoulder massaging him with your thumbs…”

Um. What?

I would list some other examples, if I could do so without it requiring a whole separate paragraph just to establish a context. Every single card offers lengthy, detailed, and sometimes confusing instructions. The language is part driver’s education material and part spirit animal meditation. Maybe part of my personal problem with it is that I’m not a very formal speaker when it comes to sex. In fact, sometimes I’m downright incoherent. I would like this game a lot more if the directions were less softcore robot porn and more creatively intuitive.

However, I will say that this game is good for laughs or if you’ve been a lazy lover. If you’re pretty new to sex or have a new partner, it’s not a bad way to feel out vanilla foreplay more thoroughly. We had a lot of fun playing it, even though we hated the blindfold and felt way more amused than aroused.

Joseph

This is our first review of a sex toy in a long….long time. Let’s see if we still got it.

The first thing that I noticed about the Nookii game was the ludicrously wasteful amount of packaging. All six of the decks of cards (mmm’s, ooo’s, and aah’s for male and female) were individually wrapped in plastic, the timer, the dice, and the awful scratchy scarf were also wrapped in their own plastic. Perhaps Double G. Communications, Ltd. (the manufacturer) wants everyone that orders this game to be assured that no other sweaty awkward people have touched their horrifically inaccurate timer or their inexplicably verbose playing cards.

The gameplay itself is….ridiculous. I won’t detail the mechanics again because Mimi did a good job of that but I do feel like I should give you some more of the really strange and totally unsexy wording from the cards. Keep in mind that you are supposed to read these aloud to your sexytimes partner while they attempt to obey your commanded commands.

“Get down on your knees and knead my buttocks as if they are pizza dough. Play with my breasts and enjoy my mouth, kissing me deeply. ‘OOOOOHHHH you can deliver my pizza anytime.’ “

“Take off all your clothes. Stroke my bottom in a swirling motion. Nibble my buttocks, pull my panties down and lick me in one motion from between my legs to the small of my back. Do it again. Turn me on my back. Softly tug at my pubic hair and nibble all around.”

“Place the scarf over my buttocks and starting at my outer hips, cover my cheeks with kisses. Keeping the scarf in place use your tongue like a snake interspersing with licks and flicks. Pull my trousers down to my ankles and open my legs further, pushing my cheeks together as you do so. Kiss and nuzzle the space between my cheeks.”

They just go on and on like that. Also, there are an awful lot of cards that command you to place your nose or mouth in between your partner’s butt cheeks. Not sure what that is about. Mimi and I are pretty open but we agree that nosing the poo-hole is not our thing.

Aside from the everything that is wrong with the game, it slightly annoyed me that it is very clearly only intended to be played by a man and a women. I know that it is ok for games to exist that are only for heterosexual couples just as it is ok for games to exist that are only for homosexual couples. Having said that, it bothers me that Nookii  gives no indication that it is set up that way from the box. I could see a homosexual couple purchasing the game and then being quite disappointed that the gameplay is set up in such a way that excludes them. Of course, playing the game is just as disappointing – ZING!

Mimi and I had fun while we were playing it but not because the game itself is fun or well crafted. We had fun because we have fun doing almost everything. We were laughing at the game. Not with it.

After we played we immediately started brainstorming ways to make the game actually fun. What we really came up with were ways to use the stupid cards. Leave them in addition to the tip at a restaurant, stick them up at bus stops, leave them in the suggestion box at McDonald’s, and (of course) mail them to congressmen.

The Naked Truth

Entertainment Value: 1 out of 5 stars

Aesthetics: 3 out of 5 stars

Craftsmanship: 2 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 1 out of 5 stars

“Great service!”

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!