Sex in the Shower Suction Hand Cuffs provided by Vibrator.com

Joseph

The hand cuffs are one of the more simply designed products that we’ve reviewed. But that doesn’t keep them from being great!

Essentially they are soft Velcro cuffs attached to heavy duty suction cups. Sex in the Shower is a division of Sportsheets so for anyone that has tried the Under the Bed Restraint System, these cuffs will feel very familiar. Soft but not padded and firm but not uncomfortable, the cuffs are just right for feeling confined without getting hurt. Depending on how you feel about power play, that can be good or bad.

The suction cups are extremely powerful and will stay on the wall through the roughest of play. They do, however slide around a little bit. Not enough that it was a problem for us, but if one of your vibrators makes you squirm, you may find it annoying.

The beautiful thing about a product like this is that the possible uses for it are nearly limitless. The cuffs are independent of one another and will stick to almost any flat surface. For the bath of course, but also car windows, desktops, mirrors, etc…

Don’t worry, her head is above water. At this moment…

Mimi

Handcuffs!

I had mixed feelings about this product. Sure, I love my Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System, but I’m skeptical of suction cups being able to handle rough, raucous, raunchy sex. Maybe it’s because the suction cup (not) holding my razor in place is a piece of shit that falls off the wall all the time.

Not the case here! We really tugged hard on them and they stayed stuck to the wall. Standing or bathing, they are quite useful for some bondage play. And the bound individual/slave/submissive/etc. can fairly easily let his or herself out, so there’s not really any risk of drowning. (Heh. For some of you, that might be a turn-off.)

There isn’t really much more to say. Like the Under the Bed Restraint System, it’s a very simple product that performs exactly the way it’s meant to perform. Hurray for effective design!

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics: 4 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 5 out of 5 stars

Craftsmanship: 5 out of 5 stars

Ease of Installation: 5 out of 5 stars

Discretion: 5 out of 5 stars

Safety 5 out of 5 stars

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Aslan Silicone Ball Gag provided for review by Babeland

Kayla

The Silicone Ball Gag from Babeland is an amazing ball gag. I’ve been searching for a long time to attempt to find a ball gag that was both comfortable and the right size, and it’s been a difficult search. Many people seem to be able to use the 2” ball on most gags, but Jor just didn’t have the mouth size for it, so it made most traditional gags unusable for us. Until we found this one. (dun dun dunnnn)

The ball aspect itself is made completely from silicone which makes it safe for teeth because its squishy and has give. The leather of the gag is nicely treated, and it’s comfortably slick and smooth. This ball gag will fit sixteen to twenty-three inch heads, and the ball gag itself is just a little under two inches. The buckle isn’t locking, but it shouldn’t be; it’s a safety hazard.

Putting it onto another person is extremely easy. All I have to do is just allow Jor to keep the ball gag in his mouth, go around to his backside, then pull the straps up against the back of his head and tighten it. If you both are beginners, let it hang a little loose (so if need be, your partner can spit it out.) If you want “real” (what is real play anyway?) play, tighten it so your partner can’t spit it out.

Safety wise, don’t be stupid and use this for more than thirty minutes. Future jaw problems are not sexy. Agree upon a safeword before you shove a gag in your partner’s mouth – pissed off partners aren’t sexy either. If you have any jaw problems, be careful during use of a ball gag.

Cleaning it is extremely easy. Because each side of the ball gag provides a snap button, you can unsnap the ball gag from the rest of the leather and just clean it by itself. Warm water and antibacterial soap will clean the ball up just fine. Avoid getting the soap or water on the leather. If you want to clean the leather, there is special leather cleaner that will assist with that.

Jor

I really liked playing with the Silicone Ball Gag. It was a lot different from Ball Gags I’ve tried in the past. Normally they were alway too big for me and hurt my jaw. But this one was the perfect size for me. It wasn’t marketed as a training ball gag, but it definitely helps and I love having a ball gag I can finally keep on for more than a few minutes.

As for how it feels, well it feels basically like a ball gag. You’re going to drool, it’s going to be icky and humiliating, but it’s a ball gag. What are you expecting? So if you’re looking for something comfortable, I advise against sticking a gag in your mouth. As for the leather strap and stuff, they don’t bother me and they feel nice enough. Honestly I don’t even really notice they’re there. So I wouldn’t call it “uncomfortable” in a bad way, but it is a ball gag.

One nice thing about this ball gag, besides its size, is that it is really soft and squishy. I can easily dig my teeth into it and it doesn’t hurt at all. In fact it’s kind of fun going “nom nom nom” on a giant ball, but that’s besides the point. My point is basically it’s easy on the mouth and teeth. The Silicone Ball Gag, from my experiences so far, is basically a great ball gag for beginners. It’s user friendly, comfortable and fun to use, or at least the BDSM equivalents of those words.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics: 4 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 5 out of 5 stars

Craftsmanship: 5 out of 5 stars

Ease of Installation: 4 out of 5 stars

Discretion: 3 out of 5 stars

Safety: 4 out of 5 stars

Overall: 5 out of 5 stars

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

LELO Ella provided for review by Babeland

Mimi

The LELO Ella is a coveted toy for many people, and understandably, considering it feels as luxurious as it looks (very) and it is designed to deliver g-spot orgasms. Pure silicone, velvety purple, and 7″ x 1-1/2″ at widest point.  It’s light and slightly flexible, yet sturdy enough to handle vigorous thrusting. Sounds fantastic, right? Keep reading.

I have had g-spot orgasms, both with and without ejaculation (or squirting), with the use of njoy’s Fun Wand or LELO’s Gigi and a vibrator on my clit. Both of the curved g-spot toys I just listed are harder and less flexible than the Ella, but they are just as smooth, well-made, and fantastic. However, a lot of effort is required for me and I even give my g-spot a “head start” over the clitoral stimulation. The Ella is even more difficult for me, which I was a bit surprised by.

The handle is long enough to maneuver and there are no buttons to worry about (like the Gigi), but there’s something about it’s shape and silicone handle that makes it hard to hold and thrust. My fingers slide out of place and it’s very upsetting. I find myself having to pause to re-adjust my fingers, which is totally not what I want to be doing when I’m getting close to exploding all over my sheets.

And perhaps I prefer the harder and less flexible feel of those other toys. Still, that’s personal preference, and the Ella is shaped perfectly for g-spot stimulation. That counts the most.

If you have difficulty with reaching a g-spot orgasm, don’t stress yourself out over it. It takes time and practice. And sometimes it just doesn’t happen. The point is to have a good time.

The great thing about silicone, in case you didn’t know, is that it can be sterilized after use by boiling it for about 10 minutes or putting it in the dishwasher without soap. This means you can share it with other people.

Joseph

Well, usually I sheepishly describe the materials and cleaning precautions with a vaginal insertion toy. You know, because I don’t have a vagina. No matter what you heard, I really don’t have one.

But this time Mimi covered all of that as well as the vagina factor (that would be a good band name) so I’ll just have to talk about my experiences using it on her.

The Ella is significantly better to use than the Gigi from my perspective because the handle is longer and there is not a big button right where my thumb should be. I can hold on and thrust really well and for much longer quite comfortably.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics: 5 out of 5 stars

Ease of Cleaning: 5 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 4 out of 5 stars

Overall: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

The Tenga Lip Service: The best 15 dollars you’ll ever throw out.

Masturbation sleeves: they’re those ridiculous-looking tubes that, as a man, I’m a bit wary of sticking myself inside of. Sure they might take up an entire shelf at your local sex store, but do I really want to put my dick inside of a flashlight? How about an ultra-realistic looking set of disembodied hips or a strange, day-glo cylinder made out of materials with names right out of a science fiction novel? Call me a old fashioned, but sometimes a hand just feels more familiar. With this in mind, I was a bit wary upon seeing the “Tenga Lip Service” for the first time.

On one hand, it’s a masturbation sleeve. This means that I’ll inevitably be placing my manhood in the rubbery grasp of the cold and unnatural. But, on the other hand, this one had some promise. First, it was engineered and created in Japan, the same adult novelty culture that gave us tentacle porn and that strange stuff that turns water into goo; they know their stuff. Second, the “cup” was severely lacking any of the ridiculousness which inspired my original fear of masturbation sleeves, this one looked more like a fancy bottle of body wash or conditioner– I had a greater risk of being labeled as having expensive tastes than being a pervert. But, sophisticated grooming products aside, I was genuinely excited to try out the “Lip Service” (also known as the Deep Throat Cup) and put it through its paces. Before we get to that however, I should explain a bit about the Tenga in the first place.

Engineered in Japan by a former mechanic, the Lip Service comprises only one of a growing number of pre-packaged, “onacups” with names like “Rolling-head Cup” and “Soft Tube Cup” which, as you may have inferred, offer different types of stimulations. In particular, the Lip Service offers a unique method of suction that utilizes a small hole in one end of the cup to create a vacuum around the soft, jelly sleeve inside. Basically, you stick yourself in the cup to push the air around the sleeve out of the hole. Then, while covering the hole, you withdraw your penis from the cup and the thin jelly material hugs the skin close while providing suction. Pretty cool, right?

I’d have to see if it delivered on its promise.

Did it ever.

Removing the Lip Service (which I’ll just refer to as LS from now on,) from its package, unwrapping the protective covering and uncapping the business end of the diminutive cup, I was greeted with this:

A seemingly endless abyss of white jelly lay before me, coated in thick, slippery lube. I felt loved, knowing that there was a machine somewhere making sure that I didn’t have to lube up my LS before having at it. Taking a gulp, I inched myself into the LS, taking in the sensations as I heard a loud flatulating noise resonate around my penis. What had I done? Had I upset the Tenga somehow? Was I being punished by the masturbation gods for using such a plain looking masturbation sleeve? No, I just hadn’t removed the sticker on top! Right then, take two.

(Yeah, you’re going to want to take that sticker off before getting down to business.)

Sliding in again, a soft “pssht” sound replaced the earlier noise of the blocked hole and I could feel the material pushing against my penis. Now, I’m not a large guy by any means, but I could easily fill the LS with my overwhelming average-ness. Fear not however, they make larger versions for the XL guys out there. For me however, the normal Tenga did just fine and, placing my fingers over the little hole at the other end of the LS, I began to pump away. An astounding 30 seconds later, I collapsed on my bed in the throes of La Petite Mort, toes still curled from the experience.

Thirty seconds. Seriously.

Maybe it was the inhuman geometry of the inner sleeve that did it, perhaps it was the sucking sensation that drew the little ridges tight against my cock whenever I slipped out, but I have never climaxed so quickly in my life. In this respect, I’d give the Lip Service seven thumbs up if I could. The suction works and it works well, as evidenced by the very audible “slurp” that accompanied every thrust. That’s right, it slurps. Tenga claims that this adds to the realistic blowjob ambiance, but it can certainly be a detractor if you’re looking to be discreet about it. Luckily, it also makes a great aid without the suction, as evidenced by several longer follow-up tests over the course of the next week… Often several at a time.

As for whether or not it actually feels like a blowjob, that’s a tricky one. The different bumps and stimulation-enhancing bits on the inside certainly stimulate as much as a human mouth, perhaps even more in my case, but after a while you begin to notice the very real lack of life in the little plastic widget quickly engulfing your manhood. As a fan of blowjobs and the Tenga both, I’d have to say that in a pinch, the LS will more than do the job.

Any product that produces results this pleasurable wouldn’t be without its little niggles though, right? You’re correct! The LS does have a small list of issues, both large and small. First, the entire Tenga line is disposable. In that, you throw it out after one use. Like a one night stand, but… plastic. It’s possible to wash the Tenga with a bit of water and antibacterial soap, but the company doesn’t recommend it and neither do I. If you follow the recommendations of the company and dispose of your Tenga after you use it, you’re looking at around 15 bucks each time you’re feeling a bit randy. Now, I haven’t tried sticking my dick in caviar or saffron, but 15.00 to insert yourself into something plastic for a few minutes and then throw away? It seems like a waste of money to me, and that’s where Tenga failed to win me over completely. Perhaps Tenga’s reusable onahole, the Flip-Hole, would be a better choice for the budget-conscious masturbator. As for the disposal itself, the Tenga is completely recyclable, so it’s entirely possible to get yer jollies and freak out the guys at the recycling center at the same time. Woo!

Second, the noise can get quite loud at times—fine if you live alone, not so fine if you don’t. Finally, I found that the sensations delivered by the LS depended more on my arousal. When I wasn’t particularly horny, the sensations felt a little bland and lifeless, although it still did the job. When I was really horny however? It was as if every inch of my cock could feel what was happening. Bland rubbery “hole” or uber-engineered orgasm extracting device, you’re likely to fall somewhere between the two sentiments.

In closing, the Tenga can be likened to a gourmet meal on plastic tableware: perfectly prepared and ultimately satisfying, but also cheap and utterly disposable.

The Naked Truth

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Thanks for your patience!

- Mimi

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Hello, lover!

Seriously, if I could, I would walk around all day with this little beauty vibrating away in my underwear. People may start to wonder why my crotch is buzzing, but what they don’t know can’t hurt ‘em! Before I dedicate a shrine to the LAYAspot, let me go over why it is so awesome.

Fun Factory’s packaging is gorgeous. There are two flaps at the back(?) of the box that close together with magnets. The picture on the box just depicts the LAYAspot and Fun Factory’s tagline: ‘love yourself!’. The other side of the box just showcases the vibrator. No tacky, ridiculous rubbish here. Fun Factory is all class, baby (and magnets).

With the LAYAspot you get a little booklet in a ton of different languages and a small sachet of lube. I received Fun Factory’s Bodyfluid, which is their silicone-based lubricant, but others have received Toyfluid, their water-based lubricant.

Rest assured though, either silicone or water-based lube will do fine. The LAYAspot is made mostly from Elastomed, which I believe is similar in properties to silicone, but can be used with silicone lubricant. However, elastomed can not be sterillised, so either use this solo, with a condom, or with partners that you are fluid-bonded with.

It is also partially plastic. The battery cap, an area near the buttons and the middle portion of the bottom of the vibrator are the only parts in plastic. This middle portion is the one that comes into contact with or close to your clit, but it is not hard and uncomfortable.

The elastomed portions of mine smell kind of weird. I’ve washed it many times and I swear it came out of the package smelling like this. Its not offensive or really pungent, but its sort of play-doh like. I think that mine’s just an anomaly though.

The LAYAspot takes two AAA batteries, and can fit rechargeable AAAs. Its power is enough to get most people off, but not enough for the power queens or those with clits of steel. It is rather quiet and can not be heard through a closed door at its highest vibration.

There are 8 steadily increasing vibration patterns and 3 pulsation patterns. To get to the pulsation patterns just keep pressing the + button until the highest steady vibration is reached and press the + once more. To get back to the steady vibrations, just press – and you’ll go back to the highest steady vibration. The buttons sometimes have to be pressed quite hard though.

Its vibrations are more the deep and rumbly type, and not really buzzy at all. This can either be a plus or a con depending on what vibrations you prefer.

The LAYAspot has no O ring to keep it waterproof but I don’t believe it to be entirely splashproof either. When I first washed it (under the sink) very carefully, I still found water inside the battery cap. It wasn’t a lot, but I’d keep this vibe away from water just in case. To clean it I would recommend a damp cloth, wipes or water if you’re not as clumsy as I am and won’t get it into the battery cap. Do not boil the LAYAspot or run it through the dishwasher, no matter how titillating that may look.

This toy is very ergonomic in design and can be held easily in different ways to get the type of stimulation you prefer. For those of you that get off with pressure (high-five!) the LAYAspot is your sex toy. The plastic portion that comes into contact with the clit is a little concaved so it would be rather difficult to hurt your clit even with massive amounts of pressure. It can stimulate both the labia and the clitoris at the same time, so its good times all round!

The orgasms I get from the LAYAspot are ok, but they’re not amazing. The LAYAspot is like my ol’ reliable vibe. I know I will get off while using it, and my body can be very picky. If you already own luxury vibes or the Hitachi Magic Wand the LAYAspot probably won’t blow you away. Nonetheless, this is my favourite vibrator because I can get off with just it alone. And I love that.

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics: 4 out of 5 stars

Intensity: 3 out of 5 stars

Volume: 3 out of 5 stars

Ease of Cleaning: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 4 out of 5 stars

Overall: 4 out of 5 stars

Of course it can also be used in case of zombie Teddys...

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Basic breathe-easy ball gag provided for review by Eden Fantasys

Joseph

This is my first experience with a manufactured gag. I mean, I can’t say that it is my first experience with a gag because arguably anything that can be crammed in a mouth is a gag and I’ve had so many things crammed in my mouth….you don’t even know.

As first experiences go, it was a pretty great one. I opened this product up and popped it in my mouth right out of the bag (lets hope the person that put it in there washed their hands) because I wanted to see if it really was easy to breathe through. It is! Though after some heavy breathing it gets a bit…slobbery but as anyone that has every played a wind instrument knows, there is really no way around that.

Because the ball is made from 100% silicone, it is really easy to clean and phthalates free which are both great things. If you can’t tell from the pictures, the nylon straps are held onto the side of the ball via metal snaps and there is an adjustable clasp closure. The ball itself is 2” long by 1 ¾” wide with 1 ¼” insertable length. For reference…it is slightly larger than a ping pong ball.

The clasp is the only thing about this product that I don’t like. It has to be threaded each time the gag is put on which makes it very easily (unavoidably) adjustable, but can be somewhat annoying and cumbersome. My thinking is that the only reason one would need an enclosure type that needs to be adjusted every single time is if you are with several different partners quite frequently. For someone using it on the same person most of the time, it seems like a clasp like on a bike helmet or Timbuk 2 messenger bag would be easier to manage. You’d have to adjust it once and then you could just clip it shut.

You're a bad girl, shut u-oh..hold on...effing strap...damn it...THERE. Shit.

That is a relatively small complaint though. This is still a very well made and easy to use product.

Mimi

I have used cloth for gags in the past, but generally the consensus amongst myself and lovers has been to let me have free use of my mouth. It may have something to do with how much I enjoy kissing and biting, or my propensity for being loud and saying barely coherent things (can you say, “ego boost”?). I don’t know, and I don’t really care. However, I do enjoy having things put into my mouth – forcefully (though consensual) or not – and I have long wanted to try a ball gag.

So why has it taken this long to get my hands on one? No, it’s not because I’m a starving artist in training. It’s because I have problems with my jaw, which can make chewing, blowing dick, or dentist visits painful. I do all of these things anyway, so of course trying out a ball gag was an option, it was just a matter of finding the right one to start with. My poor, spoiled little bitch mouth needs to take a baby step, not a leap.

And baby step we did! The Basic Breathe-Easy ball gag is not very large, comfortable, and easy to use. Oh, and it doesn’t smell or taste bad. It’ll stay that way provided that you clean it properly, which should be easy peasy because the gag itself is silicone. If you’ve been reading our reviews, you know that silicone is amazingly easy to clean – boil it for about 10 minutes or put it in your dishwasher’s top rack without soap. As for the nylon, metal, and plastic straps that you may get saliva on, wash with with soap and hot water in the sink. No big deal.

The reason I’m telling you all of this personal information is because I’d like you to understand that if you’re coming from a similar perspective, for whatever reason, then this ball gag is probably your perfect gateway gag. Beginners, mild BDSM-ers, TMJ-ers, and those with sensitive gag reflexes or prone to colds and congestion. No excuses! Gag yourself before I harmless internet threat all over you! Raawwwwwww!!!!

The Naked Truth

Aesthetics: 4 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 5 out of 5 stars

Craftsmanship: 5 out of 5 stars

Ease of Installation: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Discretion: N/A

Safety: 5 out of 5 stars

Overall: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Also, you can be a clown. Everybody loves clowns. Like John Wayne Gacy, Jr.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Orchid G + Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-spot provided for review by Babeland

Zinaida

To begin with, I just want to say that on a whole, I haven’t been entirely interested in G-spot toys, or actually, the G-spot. This could be for a couple of reasons: 1) I’m fairly a newbie when it comes to sex, so I’m still completely enamored by the clit, or 2) While I know a ton about the G-spot, I’ve never really been pushed to try it—sometimes I have a hard time changing from something that’s tried and true. So, I was pretty excited to receive the Orchid G and The Smart Girl’s Guide to G-spot combo.

Opening the package for the vibrator though, the only thing I could think was, “Shit, this thing is huge!” I’m not gonna lie, I was rather intimidated by it. Its widest point is 1-3/8”, and it’s barely smaller than a large egg, as you can tell by the picture. The vibrations in this baby are hella strong though. You turn on the vibrator by twisting the bottom, and it increases in intensity the more you twist. The Orchid G on low is comparable to the Babeland Bullet on high. When V was using it for clit stimulation, I was straddling her shin, and I could feel the vibrations from her leg bone (which could make for some interesting play).

Overall though, I couldn’t get the vibe in. Ok, ok—I didn’t even TRY to get the vibe in. As I was trying and it got close, I tensed up so much I knew it was going to be hopeless. Wondering if other people had the same problem, I went on the Babeland site and looked at reviews for the Orchid G, and sure enough there were a small handful of people who said that it was too big for insertion, very hard (it’s made out of plastic), or awkward. It is waterproof though, which is always great bonus in a toy.

The partner to this combo, The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-spot by Violet Blue, is an extremely educational book. For those who don’t know a lot about the G-spot and would like to, this book would be a great place to start. She outlines female anatomy, finding the G-spot and what to do with it, tips for talking about it with a partner, and female ejaculation. The book is an easy read, and it’s nice having lots of G-spot information in one place. The very end also has an index of online shopping, resources, recommended reading, and safe sex information.

However, I did have a couple of problems with the book:

1. There are four porn interludes written by erotica writer Alison Tyler. Now, I could go off on how these stories were filled with your classic cheesy porn type of writing, or how some of them gave off an anti-feminist air, but I won’t. I will say, however, that these stories seemed like propaganda. They were simply a reiteration in story form of what Violet Blue had already written, and that plus the bad writing were off-putting to me.

2. Toward the end of the book, the G-spot almost disappears completely. Instead, the writing begins to focus on anal sex, clit stimulation, and BDSM. But, more on that later.

Overall, I do think that this is a good combo set. The vibrator seems great; my body just needs a smaller one. The book is very informative, but I felt like by the end of it I should have wanted to explore G-spot stimulation. Instead, I’m still not that interested in trying it out yet.

Vita

Before I say anything else, I think Babeland has a great idea in selling these two together; I’m all for combo sets that save you money. However, this one, to me, had two major flaws.

As a girl who only wears junior size tampons, I was a little startled by the Orchid G. Things never look quite as big online as they do in real life. This was the cause of Flaw #1: the Orchid G proved too big for little me, even with lube. As a clitoral vibrator, it’s great; it’s actually the strongest of all my toys (yes, everything I own is still battery-operated), and that was a fun discovery. Its Very Big Head felt great against me, and the twist at the bottom to control it was convenient enough. That same Very Big Head, though, has yet to fit where the book said I should put it. This seems like a shame, since the combination of strong vibrations and Very Big Head promises to be delightful…one day.

Now, onto the book. I’ve heard about it before but never had the chance to read it; g-spots intrigue me but I’m mostly an external stimulation kind of girl. Nonetheless, I found the first half of the book full of information that made me a little bit more curious than I had been. The writing style occasionally can be too cutesy for my taste, but the background, anatomy lesson, and general informative tidbits were useful and interesting. I have two major qualms with this book, however, that I’m adding up to make Flaw #2.

First, an entire chapter as well as parts of other chapters felt completely unnecessary and unrelated, like Z mentioned. Chapter 6, entitled “faster, deeper, more!”, was supposedly about ways to enhance g-spot play; specifically, she went into detail about anal sex, oral sex, and power play. And she did indeed go into detail: she covered the basics of anal, plugged her book The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus, and gave a variety of S/M options that seemed likely to scare off a beginner. In each section was a brief reference to how playing with the g-spot was great in addition to these tactics, but it felt tacked on, and I didn’t need pages on “Getting Started with Anal Penetration” to tell me that.

Second, there was erotica. Don’t get me wrong – I love erotica, when it’s well written and I’m in the perfect mood to enjoy it. But when I’m halfway through learning about my g-spot and I’m hesitant about the entire ordeal, a short story that feels like thinly veiled propaganda (to steal Z’s analogy) isn’t going to do anybody any good. I know it’s impossible to please everyone when it comes to erotica, but I feel like the chances aren’t in Violet Blue’s favor. Not only did the stories come across as didactic and/or forced, but they were unnecessary. I almost didn’t read the last two, but I’m glad I did, because they introduced me to great phrases like “to collect a fresh dose of your honeyed juices” and “I’m going to take you even further—to a tropical island called ‘coming together’”—not really what I cared about in an otherwise educational read.

All that said, there was a good deal of information in the book, and I wouldn’t by any means discount it. I wasn’t as huge a fan as I expected to be, but it’s certainly not a bad book. I love the idea of packaging it together with a vibrator to make the exploration that Violet Blue talks about at length convenient and easy, but at least for us, this combination didn’t do it. Now, if there were vibrator or size options for the combo, that could come closer to doing the trick. In the meantime, though, I’m quickly becoming a fan of the Orchid G for clit stimulation.

The Naked Truth

Orchid G

Aesthetics: 4 out of 5 stars

Intensity: 4 out of 5 stars

Volume: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Ease of Cleaning: 5 out of 5 stars

Functionality: 5 out of 5 stars (well, for external use)

Overall: 4 out of 5 stars

The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-spot

Aesthetics: 5 out of 5 stars

Educational Value: 5 out of 5 stars

Quality of Writing: 3 out of 5 stars

Entertainment Value: 2 out of 5 stars

Overall: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Awww, what a cute pussy.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Behind the Red Door provided for review by Good Releasing

Mimi

I’m not much of a porn buff, so not surprisingly, Carlos Batts’ Behind The Red Door is my first experience with April Flores (or Fatty D), Kelly Shibari, and Ashley Blue. April Flores is the star – making an appearance in every scene except two short masturbation scenes – and the overall aesthetic of this porn seems centered around April Flores’ colourful, bold, and feminine persona.

The premise is very simple in concept: April Flores goes from room to room, exploring the “dolls” who inhabit them – Syd Blakovich, Ashley Blue, Kelly Shibari, and Matador (an “action” figure). The visual and audio experience of behind the red door is a bit more complex, especially than your average porn, in that it employs a lot more play with editing, music, colour saturation, black and white film, and the actual moaning (or silence) of the performers themselves. It’s more like art than porn. Or given how loud the music is and how infrequently we hear moaning, slurping, or “FUCK”, it even seems like it could be a music video. A very naughty music video.

All of the scenes had their highlights, but my favourites were definitely the scenes with April Flores and Syd Blakovich (first scene) and then later April Flores and Matador. I have a bit of bias toward Syd Blakovich in that I am in love with her and have never disliked her performances. It’s true. Syd Blakovich sweating and smirking and spanking is pure awesome. However, there’s a lot of merit to this scene on its own. I never thought I could really appreciate foot play, but I got really into watching April Flores toe fuck Syd Blakovich while also sucking her toes. Their mutual aggressiveness, pleasure, and playfulness throughout this whole scene is flat out sexy, hands down. Oh, and there’s a chick money shot. Hell yes.

The scene with Matador starts out pretty humorous (the guy is wearing a costume, and you know, costumes just tickle me) and the black and white cinematography adds an element of film noir arty-ness to it. Gone are the bright colours, that vibrant hair and the sequins and the blue sparkling eyeshadow. The humor slips away pretty quickly as April Flores begins to suck Matador’s cock, getting spit on her face, messing up her hair and her makeup. While watching April Flores fuck him on the couch, I actually thought to myself, “Damn this is beautiful.” The glint of light on her face from all the sweat, spit, and tears, her hair all wild – to me, this is sex. Not that phony bullshit passed off as sex in advertisements, mainstream music videos, and general porn. Nope. April Flores brings the sex, ladies and gentlemen.

As I said, the other scenes of behind the red door had highlights – Ashley Blue’s legs (me-ow), Kelly Shibari’s giggling humor and sexy eyes, the clothing and costumes, the peculiar taxidermy “Animal Room”, the film repetition of specific moments when the performers are really enjoying themselves, the flashing lights and editing that emphasize the voyeurism taking place. I appreciate the seemingly experimental/to hell with the norm nature of the overall project. That said, I think it’s not working in a few areas.

1.)    Music. I was distracted a few times in the first scene because it kept going back and forth between the same two songs. This had a tiring effect, like I wanted the scene to be over soon.

2.)    Editing. In a few places the splicing, saturation, and repetition seemed excessive or just distracting. Nobody wants to be distracted by freakish flashes of yellow skin and the dildo that disappears into a black hole.

3.)    Sound. The limited sound being heard from performers worked for me in the first scene and the complete absence of it from a few others scenes worked for me as well. It didn’t later on in the film. Why? I think it’s because there were more facial close-ups and dynamic shots in the scenes that worked. The scene with Kelly Shibari and April Flores, for example, seemed a bit flat to me because I couldn’t hear anything from the performers. Nor were there visual clues hinting at the dynamism of the interaction. So I wasn’t left with much.

Overall, think behind the red door is pretty exciting and I want to see more of April Flores and/or Carlos Batts’ work. If nothing else, it’s another example of pornographers pushing boundaries and incorporating a more tangible aesthetic than what has been going on. God bless the art fags.

Joseph

Because Mimi gave such a thorough and accurate account of what it feels like to watch Behind the Red Door, I’ll be brief.

I agree with Mimi that there were certain parts of the performances that were quite hot but that did not save it for me. I attribute all of the hotness to the performers themselves and disagree with nearly every editing choice:

• The music is distracting. Especially in the two scenes that the same two songs are on a loop but to some degree in every scene.
• The jumpy, almost syncopated repetition of moments is overused.
• Some of the camera work is just downright sloppy.
• There is a several minute montage before any of the scenes begin that is imagery from the house interlaced with bits of the scenes to come that felt more like a trailer than an introduction.
• The god awful CGI transition made it look cheap.
• The over use of saturation and filters made me think of someone who has just learned about all the cool things that Photoshop can do and wants to tell you about it. In length.

For me, it comes down to the way I think about it. If I consider it a piece of art, then I can applaud the inventiveness and experimental nature of the whole experience and hope that the film maker makes it to graduation. If I think about it as porn (meant to arouse) I just think of it as an annoying failure. It is possible for something to be highly artistic and arousing, but this is not.

Oh yeah, and this text preceded the film:

“The sexual situations in the following adult feature are shown for educational and informational purposes only. We highly recommend that individuals follow the Surgeon General’s accepted guidelines for safe sex, which are monogamy, and/or adstinence [sic], or at a minimum, the use of a condom combined with a selective choice of sexual partners. We hope you find the following feature an enjoyable stimulation to your adult practice of safe sex. Thank you!”

Sheesh…aside from spelling abstinence wrong, they also claim that this is meant to be educational and informative? Either the film makers are being facetious or have some serious fears about the obscenity laws in America. Either way, that is weak.

The Naked Truth (we could not agree on ratings, so there are two sets)

Mimi

Aesthetics: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Sound Quality: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Educational Value: N/A

Entertainment Value: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Creativity: 4 out of 5 stars

Overall: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Joseph

Aesthetics: 1.5 out of 5 stars

Sound Quality: 2 out of 5 stars

Educational Value: (hey, they claimed it was educational) 0 out of 5 stars

Creativity: 4 out of 5 stars

Overall: 2 out of 5 stars

The porn that split up our marriage.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Bend over Beginner Kit provided for review by Babeland

Joseph

We live in a very strange culture. On one hand there is sex in nearly every advertising message that we see. And boy do we see them. It is estimated the average American is confronted with 3,000 advertising messages in some form per day.

Then on the other hand, our national stance on sex is the equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and shouting LALALLALALLALA! I am referring, of course, to the fact that a huge number of schools in this nation still teach abstinence only sex education. Because if you don’t teach kids about sex, they won’t have it!

This type of ignorance mixed with over stimulation often gives rise to confusing feelings and the proliferation of misguided concepts about sex and sexuality. Don’t tell me that you have never heard the ludicrous assertions “If I have sex on my period, I can’t get pregnant” or “Well, a blowjob is not sex so you can’t catch anything from giving one“ or the slightly more articulated “If a man receives anal sex, that makes him a fag.”

I grew up in this environment (and I imagine most of you did, too) and while I was able to get my hands on good solid information about sex and sexuality, I am still aware of the general climate in which I live and operate.

It is with that in mind that I announce our first ever review series: The Bend over Beginner kit from Tantus. The reason that we have chosen to do this in a series is because pegging is a very sensitive subject both where we live and at large. We are hoping that by going slowly with this subject, we can cover it more completely and address some of the issues that people have with it.

In this installation we are simply going to talk about the product itself.

The kit is two 100% silicone dildos (7/8″ x 4-1/2″ and 1-1/4″ x 5-1/2″), an adjustable (up to 60″) velvet harness with a pocket for the included bullet vibrator. It also has an interchangeable O-ring in case you want to use larger dildos.

As always with Tantus, the quality of all the materials seems very high and everything is easily cleanable. The harness is machine washable and the dildos can be sanitized via boiling or washing with bleach.

The next installment will cover how the harness fits, warm up and the use of the smaller dildos.

Do YOU have any experience pegging or being pegged? Share your experience with us. Either leave a comment or send us an email. Whichever you are more comfortable with.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!