This is an appropriate first to our “Do it Yourself (heh)” section since I did it so badly.

First, what is a spreader bar? I’m going to field that question with a bulleted list.

• Bar
• Used to spread things

Sarcasm aside, it is simply a thin, hard object used to hold things like legs apart for extended periods of time. As such, they are exceedingly simple to make and use.

I personally used an old shower rod that I had lying around. Don’t worry, I know it is not normal to have shower rods lying around. You can also use canes, batons, three rulers taped together, or…anything between three and four and half feet long.

In order to transform my shower bar into a spreader bar…I put two holes in it. I just put a nail through both ends about 4 inches from the ends. The holes are for putting rope through in order to prevent the rope from slipping off the ends. After the holes were there, I wrapped some electrical tape around them because of the sharp metal edges. Tetanus is not sexy.

And…that’s it.

1. Find a pole.
2. Put some holes in it.
3. Put some rope through the holes.
4. Have fun!

If you don’t want to damage whatever you choose to use or you’re just very lazy, you can skip the second step. Just don’t bitch when your rope slips off the end. I warned you.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

As you may have noticed, Joseph and I disappeared from the Internet for about a week and a half, but you probably didn’t know that it was due to our upcoming wedding, which occurred last Saturday. We meant to make a post saying something to the effect of, “Hey, we’re super busy because we’re getting married. See you in a week!” As time often does, it flew by and we never got around to it. Obviously.

So here is our announcement:

We’re married!

The jokes about stereotypical wife and husband roles have been many, especially in relation to our Southern location, and we’ve had more than a few good laughs. We’ve both decided to promptly become fat and disinterested in sex with each other.

Not much feels different – we already considered ourselves life partners several months before the ceremony – and we continue in much the same way. Our actions are driven by love and a desire to live as authentically as possible, both as individuals and as a couple.

Our reviews will be up and coming as early as tomorrow, beginning with The Anal Sex Position Guide by Tristan Taormino.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!