Sex Sheet provided by Aruzzo

Okay, okay. I guess there’s other things you should know. It’s vinyl and it’s “king size”.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and we have the perfect gift for your sweetie (s).

Handmade raunchy Valentine’s Day Cards!

They are $2 only (just like the chips) and will get you way more than $2 in bootie!

The chips are full of processed crap. Our cards are full of love.

Just in case you are a visual or auditory learner, we’ll include this video reminder:

No, seriously…buy some cards.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Thinly veiled social commentary aside, we will be rolling out several changes to Undressed over the course of the next couple of months. Almost all of these changes are intended to broaden our horizons, so to speak. We aim to make a place for free discussion of anything and everything to do with sex; not just sex toys. To that end, here are some of the things we are going to try to bring to the table:

• Guest Reviews – We’ve actually already started this one (yay, Z and V) but you
should see the amount of reviewers as well as the frequency increase. If you’re
interested in being a guest reviewer, send us a request.

• Sex in the News – This will be a weekly round up of sex that we’ve seen in the news
over the past week. Media runs the full range from progressive and positive to
bigoted and disgusting. We’ll try and catch as much of the relevant stuff as we can,
but if you see something please send it along.

• How-to articles and videos – How to clean your butt plug, how to tell your parents
that you are gay, how to not tell your parents that you are gay, how to properly
service a vagina, etc. Want us to research and write a column about a topic you are
curious about? Send it along.

• Interviews – There are lots of negative forces in the world giving us stupid or
ignorant messages about sex, but there are also a slew of great ones! We hope to
get some good ole Q and A time with some of the great ones. Know of someone
worthy of being interviewed? Send us a note about them.

• Columns – These are secret for now, but we think we’ve got some that will give you
a window into some very interesting perspectives. Got an idea for a column? Send it
along.

• Dear Mimi – You know…just like Dear Abby….yeah, ok. So, you send us in your
questions and Mimi will respond to them. We hope to get one of these up every
Sunday but that is really up to you, isn’t it? Got a question? Send it along.

Exciting, right?

I hope you noticed a theme there cause I was not subtle about it at all. For this to work, we really need your help. We need you to comment, send us emails, and become active in this safe and sex-positive community that we are trying to build because let’s face it; You are the community.

So one last time. Got a question? Want to share your perspective? Send it along.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

To entice you further, we’ve made this commercial with our total lack of technical skills and budget (note Monopoly money and Joseph wearing one of my coats).* Watch and enjoy!

Now, don’t you want to give your lover or friend a card that’s sure to make them smile, blush or undress? Or all of the above? Yes? Damn right YES. Even if you hate Valentine’s Day, we’ve got cards for you. ‘Cause we hate it, too! Hooray!

If nothing else, help a brother out. We obviously need it. I didn’t even have to make Joseph do that. He changed his name to Joseph McSkeezball and he’s been harassing people in parking lots…. it’s a shame, really… it’s only a matter of time before he cuts his pants into shorts and forgets to zip up his fly and loses any concept of personal space. And you know what that means. Unwanted dick exposure. I mean, I want it, but does everyone? I don’t know. Surely the po-po’s don’t. Your grandmom probably wouldn’t like it either. Let’s keep him off the streets and out of jail.

Joking aside, check it out and in the very least let us know what you think. This is our first run and we’ve put it all together on our own, so some advice or constructive criticism would be appreciated. Of course, compliments are best received in the form of cash. Just sayin’.

* A good friend helped us out with the filming and we appreciate it immensely. It would have sucked a whole lot if she were any less cool. She gets a free Scat! card. Whooooo.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

This is an appropriate first to our “Do it Yourself (heh)” section since I did it so badly.

First, what is a spreader bar? I’m going to field that question with a bulleted list.

• Bar
• Used to spread things

Sarcasm aside, it is simply a thin, hard object used to hold things like legs apart for extended periods of time. As such, they are exceedingly simple to make and use.

I personally used an old shower rod that I had lying around. Don’t worry, I know it is not normal to have shower rods lying around. You can also use canes, batons, three rulers taped together, or…anything between three and four and half feet long.

In order to transform my shower bar into a spreader bar…I put two holes in it. I just put a nail through both ends about 4 inches from the ends. The holes are for putting rope through in order to prevent the rope from slipping off the ends. After the holes were there, I wrapped some electrical tape around them because of the sharp metal edges. Tetanus is not sexy.

And…that’s it.

1. Find a pole.
2. Put some holes in it.
3. Put some rope through the holes.
4. Have fun!

If you don’t want to damage whatever you choose to use or you’re just very lazy, you can skip the second step. Just don’t bitch when your rope slips off the end. I warned you.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

As you may have noticed, Joseph and I disappeared from the Internet for about a week and a half, but you probably didn’t know that it was due to our upcoming wedding, which occurred last Saturday. We meant to make a post saying something to the effect of, “Hey, we’re super busy because we’re getting married. See you in a week!” As time often does, it flew by and we never got around to it. Obviously.

So here is our announcement:

We’re married!

The jokes about stereotypical wife and husband roles have been many, especially in relation to our Southern location, and we’ve had more than a few good laughs. We’ve both decided to promptly become fat and disinterested in sex with each other.

Not much feels different – we already considered ourselves life partners several months before the ceremony – and we continue in much the same way. Our actions are driven by love and a desire to live as authentically as possible, both as individuals and as a couple.

Our reviews will be up and coming as early as tomorrow, beginning with The Anal Sex Position Guide by Tristan Taormino.

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!

As we continue to review products and more wonderful suppliers feel inclined to send us products…we are running out of space. If you’ve been following us on Twitter or Facebook, you’ll notice that we’ve been keeping our toys in nightstand drawer.

Look how our too-small drawer is now exploding with sexiness.

This is where you come in, dear readers, in the form of suggestions or (if you really love us and our drawer) gifts.

So what do we do with our veritable landslide of pleasure products? We are aware that products exist specifically for this purpose, but we can’t afford them.

P.S.
We don’t really store our toys like this because it is bad for them. Cramming your toys together can damage the softer, nicer ones by placing permanent dents in them. There is also a school of thought that storing silicone toys together will deteriorate them over time.

UPDATE – Tunti has graciously agreed to help us solve our storage problems and will be sending us a case for review. Thanks, Ilse!

Getting Undressed is better when you tell everyone on the internet!