I feel bad when I have nothing good to say about a product, mostly because I anthropomorphize things, and I imagine that this shitty pink vibrator knows I have thoroughly rejected it. I imagine that it’s sad and wishes it had been “born” a Hitachi Magic Wand. It’s writing really bad poetry and listening to Taylor Swift. This just makes me like it less, but now I feel pity in addition to contempt. It’s an odd combination that eventually gets shrugged off and put into the “You’re an irrational weirdo, Mimi” folder of my brain.

So let’s make this quick and painless. I like that the vibrator is hard, that the vibration is pretty easy to control and that the vibration covers a wide area, but I hate the powder pink colour and that I cannot have an orgasm, even after patience that should merit 800 orgasms. If you can get off by rubbing your crotch on the arm of a couch and you really like pink, then this is probably a totally acceptable vibrator for you. As for me, it’s not worth it at all. I wouldn’t recommend it.