Inflatable Tilt Master

Inflatable Tilt Master

Inflatable Tilt Master provided for review by Tabu Toys.

Joseph

This product is stupid. And ridiculous. And it almost killed me and Mimi. I almost died while trying to blow the damn thing up and Mimi had a little mishap the first time she tried to sit on it. Actually, that was pretty funny. Don’t take my word for it, watch the video.*

The Inflatable Tilt Master is part of Pipedream’s Fetish Fantasy Series. So far, my favorite part of the Fetish Fantasy Series is that every single part of the series seems to come with a free cheap mask. That means that either they don’t think that anyone will buy more than one of the series or that they subscribe to the philosophy that you can never have too many cheap blindfolds. I believe the former is more realistic.

This particular installation of the series is a large inflatable Pac-Man with handles on the side. The idea is that this will make getting it on easier because of the rocking motion. In our experience, it makes getting it on significantly more difficult because of its supreme instability. It is hard to sit on this thing comfortably, much less have sex on it.

We tried several positions on it (we tried to mimic the positions on the box) and could not get into a good rhythm in any of them. I suppose there is the possibility that we suck at making sex positions work, but I can think of a several occasions that would cast doubt on that idea.

Unlike the Pleasure Pad, this wasn’t even good in theory. It just should not be.

I sincerely hope that all of Pipe Dream’s sex toys are as silly and poorly thought out as the two that we have had the chance to review. While the product testing can be less…exciting to review than it is with some of the other products we get it is certainly more fun with a lot more giggling involved. Now, you may say that giggling has no place in sex-toy review. That would be because you’re a big wrong-head.

These products (the horrible ones) are a huge part of what makes our job fun.

Mimi

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m clumsy, goofy, and prone to ridiculousness. So although it’s entirely fair to consider that maybe the Inflatable Tilt Master caused me to tilt, tip, fall over, flip, and flail simply because of my own character “flaws”, it’s much more likely that objects such as the Inflatable Tilt Master only make matters worse.  Why? Well, Joseph fell over and had difficulty getting up, too. I just didn’t manage to grab a camera in time. And Joseph is not nearly as clumsy as me.

Even with Joseph’s guiding presence, sex was totally lacking in any wow moments of any kind. There’s no leverage at all. We ended up laughing (and frustrated), tossing the Inflatable Tilt Master aside and getting down and dirty the ol’ fashioned way. Much better.  The warm up was nice – and funny, certainly – but we’ll move onto the real sex. Thanks.

Aside from the technical complications that come up from attempting to have sex on top of a black slightly elongated beach ball with a slice cut out of it, there’s also the strange fake crushed velvet texture of the Inflatable Tilt Master that I am not convinced can be cleaned effectively or conveniently.

Instead of continuing to beat the horse, especially since I am opposed to beating horses in the first place, I’m going to quit now and get to the point – the Inflatable Tilt Master is in no way helpful to your sexual exploits. Ever. Unless you’re into fighting each other with inflatable objects, and really, if that’s what you’re into then go to K-Mart during their end of summer sale and buy a big, plastic shark or a turtle or something. That would be more impressive.

The Naked Truth

Convenience: ★★★☆☆

Usefulness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Aesthetic appeal: ★☆☆☆☆

Ease of cleaning: ★☆☆☆☆

Overall: ★½☆☆☆

We're going for a theme!

The box doesn’t make getting up easier, let me tell you.

* The video we are referring to does not seem to be working on Vimeo or YouTube, so we think there might be something wrong with the file itself. We’ll keep trying to work something out, but if we cannot manage it within a reasonable amount of time, then there will simply be no video. Sad, I know. Thanks for your patience.  - MGMT

‘What Are You Thankful For?’ Contest Winner!

Our first contest was a colossal failure. We did not have a single entry. We cried a little.

Our second contest was as large a success as the first was a failure. We had a veritable smorgasbord of comments to choose from and it was a very difficult choice. It took us almost two full episodes of Gilmore Girls (yes, we are huge dorks when not being super sexy) to pick our winner.

Without further ado, the winner of the Under the Bed Restraint System provided by Babeland is Jacqueline and she said:

I’m thankful for my incredible girlfriend and the very, very few friends at our hyper-conservative school who actually know she’s my girlfriend. I love that she complements me perfectly, from being the perfect top for me to being the perfect study partner to being the perfect roommate.

Sometimes it’s so scary trying to start this life when no one can even know about it, but she’s beyond willing to try everything with me (which is also fun – and the under the bed restraints would be AMAZING (especially given the grad school applications sucking our budget away)) and I still can’t believe I got her.

That was sappy enough. XD I’m also beyond thankful for our teensy tiny toy collection that just began in February. There’s so much exciting stuff still to explore in the future!

We just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to provide a discreet lesbian with a discreet bondage system. She’ll send us pictures of how appropriate it is if we’re lucky. (Hint, hint.)

A big thanks to everyone that entered! There were so many sexy and heart-warming things to be thankful for listed. It was truly a joy to read all of the honest and thoughtful comments. We hope that you’ve had the best Thanksgiving and that you all continue to find things to be thankful for in your lives in and out of the bedroom.

Pleasurists #55

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Editor’s Pick

  • LELO Elise by Scintillectual
  • Remember when I said I was on hiatus from relationships? Well, I lied. I know, I know! I can hear my friends railing now about the fact that I jump into things too quickly and yes, she has already moved in with me. But, really, I do think she’s THE ONE. Before you get all hot and bothered, let me introduce you. Dear reader, this is LELO Elise.

    Note: Apparently I’m loving LELO reviews again this month (last week’s EP was LELO Ella)! I’ve read many many Elise reviews so they have to be special in order for them to catch my eye or make me want to finish them, and this one is written in an extremely entertaining manner so even if you’re burned out on LELO reviews like I thought I was it’s definitely worth the read.

Editor

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

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