Succulent Blossom

Ulta-erotic

Succulent Blossom provided by Babeland

Joseph

Oh my. Where to start?

I guess I’ll start with the packaging. It is quite a thing in and of itself. It is cramped with silly, inappropriate phrases, poorly made logos, an obligatory naked woman, a picture of the product, and an inexplicable bubble with the word “earth” in it. I can’t imagine why. Perhaps the manufacturer thinks that making a phthalate free product is the same thing as making an environmentally friendly product. It is not. My two favorite idiotic sayings on the package before I move on: “The personal choice of wicked girls” (because wicked girls just love wrapping things around their cocks…) and “Ultra-erotic deep penetrating ribbed tunnel made of luxurious senso material” …what does ultra-erotic even mean and how is a tunnel deep penetrating?

Ok, enough about the package—let’s move on to the main event.

This is a masturbation sleeve….shaped like a flower…and it is neon blue. How does masturbation and a neon flower go together, you may ask. Well, I’ll let an intellect much greater than mine explain.

“Mmmmmmm, I love the sound of that. Sssssucculent. And of course Blossum…that’s a metaphor you know and I bet you can guess what for!Just imagine what part of me that sounds like. Bingo Now what do you want to do?” – Devinn Lane

Straight off of the side of the box.

This blue flower to stick your dick in is 4”/10cm long and has “8 teasing petals” around the base. What the petals are teasing is unclear to me. My experience with it is that it is unusable without lube. With lube, the inner ribbing feels rather nice going up and down, but not significantly better than just my hand and not nice enough to justify putting my wang in this ridiculous thing. The length is also a problem for me. The head of my penis chafes uncomfortably as the sleeve slides on and off. To be fair, my skin is pretty sensitive. For someone that doesn’t have a pussy dick (heh), this may be fun. I can stretch the sleeve to be long enough, but frankly, it is not worth it.

Other reviews (Babeland and True Pleasures) say that it is good for use in tandem with a mouth. If you have a problem with fellatio, be it because your man’s penis is too big to fit all way in your mouth/throat or that your jaw muscles cannot take a full blowjob, the idea is that you slip on the sleeve and use it to stimulate the shaft while you lick the lollipop.

We didn’t try that because I think Mimi would bust out laughing if we tried. I can’t blame her. (We are also lacking a lube that feels AND tastes good.)

My recommendation for this product is don’t waste your money. If you want a little manual exercise, just use your hand.

S-E-X-Y

Looks like a good time, yeah?

Mimi

There are a few aspects of the Succulent Blossom sleeve that right away make it more humorous than erotically arousing, mostly for the reasons Joseph already mentioned. The immature brat in me wants to throw this floppy jelly tube out of a window at some unsuspecting jogger from a slow moving vehicle.

Okay, I am being unfair. I can see why, for some people, the Succulent Blossom is a really great toy. Joseph told me that it felt good, aside from irritating his sensitive skin. Plus, some people are less prone to fits of laughter at the prospect of using ridiculous looking toys.

Whenever I talked to Joseph about how we might try it, no matter what reason or suggestion I had, the bottom line, in his mind, was always, “it’s not worth it”. In fact, at one point yesterday I suggested that in preparation for our review that we use it in the shower, and he opted to clean the fish tank instead.

Yes, he cleaned the tank of our nasty fish instead of masturbating with the Succulent Blossom (and me) in the shower.

I’m sure that there are good masturbation sleeves out there for men, which may be worth the money and out rank Old Reliable (your hand), but the Succulent Blossom isn’t one of them.

The Naked Truth:

Intensity: ★★★★½

Volume: ★★★☆☆ (squish squish squish)

Design: ★½☆☆☆

Versatility: ★★½☆☆

Ease of cleaning: ★★★★★

Overall: ★★½☆☆

Nina Hartley’s Advanced Guide to Anal Sex for Men and Women

The DVD player was happy to see her

Nina Hartley’s Advanced Guide to Anal Sex for Men and Women provided for us by http://www.tabutoys.com/

Joseph

Nina Hartley’s Advanced Guide to Anal Sex for Men and Women had some valuable information and some hot anal sex. It also had some obnoxious imperfections.

It opens with Nina Hartley and Kylie Ireland sitting behind a table loaded with various sex toys and discussing safe and pleasurable techniques for anal sex. They candidly discuss everything from how to feel better about anal hygiene to how to properly clean sex toys once they have been in your ass.

After the lead in discussion, the film transitioned to the demonstration section. Nina Hartley does a scene with Christian that I thought was very hot. They talk to one another, they take turns playing with one another’s ass, and they made each other cum. Nina Hartley has a very real and very loud orgasm with Christian is fucking her ass and she is using a vibrator on her clit. She screams, she convulses, and she laughs. It is everything an orgasm should be and it is exquisite.

Hartley continues the education through most of this scene, stopping to briefly discuss technique and safety. It can be somewhat tedious at times, but it is nice that she is trying to stay true to the educational aspect of the program.

We then move on to a scene with Adrianna Nicole and Evan Stone that is really just a sex scene. There is no instruction and there is no anal play with Evan Stone. It seems somewhat as though Nina Hartley wanted to make an educational video but Adam & Eve Pictures told her that to do so, she must include a regular porn scene. It felt out of place. There was anal sex in it, but it was the same kind of anal sex you can see in almost any porn.

The obnoxious imperfections that I mentioned earlier are a couple of little things and one big thing. The little things are noises in the background and a boom mic being visible briefly. I know, I know…that’s nit picky cause this is porn, right? Well, I think that I a lot of the problem with the porn industry. Noises in the background would not get by on even lowest quality network television show. Just because you are cramming a pink rod up someone’s ass doesn’t mean it is ok accept mediocrity.

Standards, people, standards.

The big thing is that even though this is called Nina Hartley’s Advanced Guide to Anal Sex for Men and Women, there is no male on male anal sex in the film. That’s almost a deal breaker for me. For a guide to anal sex for MEN, there should be some homosexual male interaction. It seems like it should be obvious.

Despite that, it is definitely worth a view or two.

Mimi

“There will be unsuccessful attempts along the way. You need to show compassion for yourself and your partner to get through them.” – Nina Hartley

Nina Hartley’s Advanced Guide to Anal Sex for Men and Women offers a lot of practical advice very quickly, such as what to look for in a sex toy and possibilities for use of a sex toy in addition to anal sex, and if an award was given to the best sex positive cheerleader, it would totally be Nina Hartley. I’ve never been so cheerfully encouraged to stick my tongue in someone’s ass before. She brings a lot of humanity to porn that I think is too often lacking. For example, at one point in the introduction scene with her and Kylie Ireland, friend and “co-host”, Nina Hartley mentions that warming up for anal sex is a process and that when people jump right into it in pornographic films, we’re not seeing all the previous activities leading up to that point. The film and the fantasy are separate from real life scenarios.

Casual, playful humor carries on through to Nina Hartley’s “demonstration” with Christian, which was, by the way, really hot. Some of the commentary Nina Hartley made during the scene was a little tedious (I can SEE what you’re doing there, you know), but overall, I found her comments, giggling, and smiling to be really charming. The environment was sexy, Nina Hartley was sexy, Christian was sexy, and they even managed to make the Hitachi Magic Wand look kind of sexy.

Most importantly (to me), the scene appeared to be very equal in regards to the performer’s individual pleasure, and knowing how much these beautiful people were into it made the scene especially arousing.  As Nina Hartley points out later to Kylie Ireland, it’s admirable for a man to communicate his desires in regard to receiving anal play because of all the homophobic pressures placed upon our men. There was quite a lot of discussion – visually supplemented by exposed breasts and lingerie – about confronting the taboos of anal sex.

My only complaints about the film are basically the same as those that Joseph already made, so I won’t repeat them in my own review. However, I will mention that the last scene between Adrianna Nicole and Evan Stone could be improved if their dialogue was more clearly audible since dirty talk was obviously a big component of the scene and might have made it special, but mostly I found their interaction annoyingly familiar and thus forgettable.

Also, no condoms? Anywhere? I realize that this is a debated issue in porn and often remains up to personal preference, but in an educational film about sex, especially anal sex, it seems really remiss to leave it out of discussion and out of “instructional” scenes.

As an aside, I have looked at some old photographs of Nina Hartley and in my opinion she now looks better than ever.

a typical evening

We are quick learners.

The Naked Truth:

Aesthetics: ★★★½☆

Level of Arousal: ★★★½☆

Educational Value: ★★★★☆

Storyline: N/A

Overall: ★★★★☆

Allow us to explain

When we started Him and Her Sex Toy Review, it was not very important to us and, accordingly, it was rather ambiguous with infrequent posts mixed in with occasional explicit verbosity, plus bits and pieces of our own individual values. Gradually, a greater sense of clarity emerged in our concerns about relationship, sexual, health, education, feminist and LGBT issues, and we decided to create a new name for ourselves reflecting that shift.

We write honest and demanding reviews for sex-related products because we believe in the importance of open communication and that through this standard, we can benefit ourselves as well as others in the pursuit of happiness, equality, and fulfillment. Sexuality is more than just what we do in the bedroom. Denial, reinforcing taboos, willful ignorance, fear, or self-righteousness will not protect us from the hazards, nor will it strengthen an individual’s morals. Information, however, can at least provide ammunition in the potential event of sexual (psychological, physical, emotional) conflict and crisis. The genuine confidence that information can stimulate will keep you afloat better than a lot of hot air.

Of course, we are not experts or professionals. (Links will be included for reference to professional and approved sources of information.) We are not under the impression that our level of “hotness” is so high that it warrants a website of its very own, or that we are particularly enlightened in the ways of fucking ethically. We are simply two individuals who believe that our differing backgrounds and overlapping values could potentially make sex products more approachable and enjoyable. I can’t speak for Joseph in this regard, but I am hoping that by relating my I-can’t-believe-I-did-that moments other people can avoid similar experiences, possibly suffering dire consequences that I was lucky enough to escape. In the future, we’re hoping to have “guest reviewers” in order to further expand the dialogue to include other perspectives.

One step at a time.

For now, I hope that you enjoy the site and have pleasant, safe sexual adventures!

With lube,

Mimi